The morning had gotten away from Liz—it was 11:00 am and she was still in her robe and slippers. But two loads of laundry were done, the kids were fed and dressed, and the bills were ready to go out in the mail. She sat down at the kitchen table for her third cup of coffee and her husband walked in from the garage, where he had been working on his own Saturday chores.
He poured himself some coffee, kissed the top of her head, and sat down next to her. “I’m a mess!” she said, laughing and shaking her head. “Nope,” he said. “You’re gorgeous to me.” In that instant, the stress of the workweek, the rush of the morning, the grubbiness she felt all melted away.
Men, your wife—at her most decked out and when she’s a bit disheveled—needs to know you think she’s beautiful. You might think she already knows it, or you might save your comments for when you know she’s put extra effort into looking nice. But in those everyday moments, too, you can provide some powerful encouragement by letting your wife know she’s beautiful to you.
Out of all the areas where men are encouraged to be expressive in sharing their thoughts and feelings with their wife, this is one of the most important. Here’s why…
Even secure women wonder if their man (still) thinks she’s pretty.
You may be surprised to learn that even the most secure-looking, confident women are still very much little girls inside. Even as adult women we’re asking the most important man in our life: “Do you think I’m pretty?” On my surveys of women, it’s clear that most of us have a deep desire to know that, even after years of marriage, we are still beautiful to our husbands. And that need never goes away. Maybe your wife spent a lot of time on hair and makeup or bought a new outfit for a special occasion. Or maybe she’s in Saturday morning casual mode. Either way, if she never hears any words of acknowledgment, she probably feels like you don’t really find her beautiful, whether she’s tried her very hardest or not.
Women are constantly bombarded with unrealistic expectations.
It might help you to look around at the magazines and the billboards and realize that your wife is bombarded all day, every day with completely unrealistic expectations—images that shout to her “this is what you must look like if you want to be beautiful to your man.” These images tell her she must lose more weight, look younger, be sexier, dress better . . . and that pressure can get to even the most confident of women. The good news is that if you take the time to tell your wife that she’s beautiful to you, day to day, with all her wonderful individuality, you will be providing her with the best antidote for that pressure.
Your wife needs to know you think she’s beautiful. If you need some encouragement to improve in this area, here’s what I suggest. Take a sticky note, post it on your desk at work, or in your closet—somewhere only you will see it—and write on it in big letters: “My wife won’t know that I find her beautiful unless I tell her.” Then look for opportunities to say it, on the special dressed-up occasions as well as the casual, come-as-you are moments. She needs to know you think she’s beautiful, inside and out. Tell her!
More from Shaunti’s Blog:
- Four Phrases Your Wife Would Love To Hear From You
- I Am Relearning How To Find Rest—And I Need Your Story
- Make Your Marriage Happier By Keeping Score And Giving Back
- Finding Joy in the Most Unlikely Places
- How to Raise a Resilient Child and Why It Matters
Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be. Pick up a copy of Shaunti’s latest devotional, Find Joy, available in major bookstores.
Check out Shaunti’s latest book and Discussion Guide (co-authored with her husband, Jeff), Thriving in Love and Money. Because you need a better relationship, not just a better budget.
This article was first published at Patheos.