A Gift for the Woman in Your Life—Whether She’s a Mom or Not

Mother’s Day is T-minus 72 hours and counting, and guys, you may be scrambling to figure out what to get your wife. I’ve got just the thing.

Before I dive in, I know this day comes loaded with an emotional charge for some of your wives. Maybe you’ve miscarried a child or couldn’t have kids, or your wife has a complicated relationship with her own mom. The idea we offer today—and the three practical steps to making it work—can be a gift for the woman in your life at any stage, whether she’s a mom or not.

Ready?

Here we go.

Your wife needs to know you think she’s beautiful. That’s the big reveal. That’s the gift. It matters at every age. But especially for women in the busiest phases of life. in our research for For Men Only, by a 77-23 percent margin, women 45 and younger said they have deep need to know their husband or significant other finds them beautiful. For women with children at home, the number soars up to 85 percent.

The stats are revealing. This really matters to most women.

So … guys … are you telling her? Or, as the years go on, have you let this slide? Maybe you have assumed she knows. After all, you’re married to her, right? Or maybe you’ve felt awkward trying, so you avoid trying to say something out loud rather than get it wrong.

Just in time for Mother’s Day, here are three ideas for telling your wife she’s beautiful in a way that won’t feel forced or awkward. Find or adapt one that works for you. (And pro tip: your wife will love what you learn in this blog. But this is a gift that will help going forward rather than just on one day. So if your wife is also a mom, make sure you get her flowers and a card or plan something for Mother’s Day, too!)

Idea 1: Pair your words with a gesture

My husband Jeff is every guy when it comes to not wanting to get things wrong. This includes telling me I’m beautiful. For many years he just didn’t say anything. But once he saw the research, he began to figure out a way to pair his words with a gesture that comes naturally for him. If he sees me head down the stairs for dinner or an event, he simply scans me head to toe and says, “You look great.”

Ask him, and he’ll tell you it takes a lot of pressure off and feels more natural not to have radar-lock eye contact. Ask me, and I’ll tell you his words set a tone for the entire evening for me. It helps me feel beautiful—and beautiful to him. It counters the secret negativity I sometimes feel inside. And many women we surveyed said the same thing. A man’s efforts to tell his wife she’s beautiful counters her silent insecurities.

Other possible gesture/word combos:

• Simply pause what you’re doing (e.g. look up from your phone, mute the TV) and say, “You know … you are so pretty.”
• Take her hand next time you’re driving and say something like, “I probably don’t say it enough, but you’re such a beautiful woman.” This one’s a no-brainer if you’re worried about it being awkward, because you can keep your eyes on the road!
• The next time you’re at work and catch yourself thinking about your wife, text her with a message like, “I was just thinking about you. You are such a lovely person. I don’t know how I got so blessed, but thank you for being my wife.”  High likelihood that she will screenshot that text message!

Idea 2: Find opportunities as they naturally arise

Guys, if you’re in sales, you often sense the “moment” when it’s time to close the deal. If you’re a marketing exec, you live for the brainstorming moment when your idea wows the room. And if you’re an analytical type, you’ll hunt down missing or incorrect data all day long if it balances the books or fixes a spreadsheet.

Now, bring that same intuition, observation, or skill with “reading the room” home to your wife. Notice things that are already happening in your home environment. For example, if your wife laughs with one of the kids, point out what’s already natural in the moment, like a simple, “I love your smile.” Or “Watching you light up with our kids is so special.”

Or if she’s helping your high schooler with math and she’s stuck (and let’s be honest, who among us isn’t humbled by our kids’ math homework?), privately tell her that you can’t help it—you just find her furrowed brow adorable.

Just read (or if you’re analytical, study) the atmosphere. Look for clues about what’s going on. And say something simple that works in the moment.

Idea 3: Look for ways to tell her she’s beautiful not just outside, but also inside

Look guys, I’ll be blunt here—a woman’s body goes through the wringer. We bear children (and stretch marks), ushering in a physiological yo-yo of weight gain and weight loss that goes on for years (hence the stat of up to 85% of moms in this age bracket needing to know they are beautiful). Midlife then brings an alien invasion—only these “aliens” are our very own hormones.

In the seasons when your wife is puffy-eyed and crying, leaking milk on her shirt, or frustrated because hitting the gym three days a week is having exactly zero noticeable effect on her post-menopausal body, the thing not to say (if you value your life) is, “I can tell you’re hormonal today.”

Instead, look at what’s underneath all the physiological stuff and help her feel beautiful anyway, with observations only you can make, such as:

• I look at how you care for our kids and it only makes you more beautiful to me
• I’ve seen you change over the years—in ways that make me love you more
• Wow. The way God made you absolutely incredible.
• Yeah, we’re both older. But you have only gotten more beautiful to me.

Oh, and one more thing.

If you have not already been telling your wife she’s beautiful, telling her now may not only be awkward to say, it may be surprising for her to hear. Not because she doesn’t need to hear it, but because she isn’t used to hearing it. If she laughs or brushes it off, this is no moment for retreat!

Whether your wife is deploying a defense mechanism or feeling genuine surprise, secretly she may have been craving your words for a long time (and statistically, this would be true). So, press through the discomfort, acknowledge that you haven’t been very intentional about telling her she’s beautiful, and tell her that you mean it.

This gift will light her up, especially when she’s fighting internal battles. It matters more than you know.

Let us know in the comments (PG-13, please) how you tell your wife she’s beautiful!

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Amy Masaschi at [email protected].

On our podcast, I Wish You Could Hear This, Jeff and I offer proven steps to help you thrive in your life, faith and relationships. In other words, we’ll offer the practical help you’ve grown accustomed to right here in this blog space.  You’ll take away specific steps that help you today. Listen, follow, and share with your friends on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify and other platforms.

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