There are definite reasons wives keep checking in on the state of their marriage relationship and guys, it’s important to be aware of what might be triggering your wife and her insecurity.
Do you have a teen or pre-teen daughter at home? Ever gotten frustrated at her “drama queen” episodes? Maybe she got furious about that bad grade when the teacher was so unfair! Maybe she sobbed about the mean girls at school. Maybe she starts furiously texting you every upset emoji in the list about how […]
Normally around Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to tell your special someone why you love them. Today, I want to share examples of why I love YOU, my readers. And just so you know: there’s a reason I’m doing this, beyond just a way to say thank you! As I’ve done the various research studies, […]
Can anyone relate to that feeling of whiplash when you realize your little boy has suddenly become a teenager? How did that happen? When did “snips and snails and puppy-dogs’ tails” turn into “phones and midterms and social outings with friends?” It seems as if our little boys are growing and maturing at alarming rates. […]
Lynn and her husband, Dan, have been married for 20 years and their youngest son is leaving for college in the fall. Over the years, between busy careers and kids’ extracurricular activities, Lynn and Dan just kind of . . . drifted. But not drifting in a pleasant, easy-breezy way; they’re basically living separate lives […]
Women sometimes feel like the only reason men walk away is that they are angry with us and simply don’t want to talk because of that. We couldn’t be more wrong.
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope
For any woman caught in an emotionally destructive marriage, Leslie Vernick offers a personalized path forward. Based on decades of counseling experience, her intensely practical, Biblical advice will show you how to establish boundaries and break free from emotional abuse. Book by Leslie Vernick
Not long ago, someone we know got engaged via a multi-stage, elaborate proposal that had clearly taken an immense amount of thought and effort. A mutual friend, upon hearing the story, told him, “Good job. Only 9,999,999 tests left to go.” The lucky groom, of course, wondered: why do women “test” and “play games” with […]
One of the most controversial topics I address with women is one of the clearest findings from my anonymous nationally-representative surveys of men for books like For Women Only. Ready to hear it? In your man’s mind, if you put an effort into taking care of yourself, it shows that you care for him – […]
What is it that builds drive into a person? Why is it that one child has a laid-back approach to academics, and another gets a laser focus and never quits?
Most likely, hiding beneath the money behavior that is driving you nuts is a man who wants desperately to provide a good life for you, and to love you well.
Sex is not just a physical need — it’s also about emotions. Here are three things he’s not saying out loud when he comes to you for sex.
As one final look back at 2017 (for those of us who can’t believe it’s already 2018), here is a recap of the top articles from my blog last year.
I’m spending Christmas break with my family in one of my favorite places: the beautiful log cabin my parents built in the Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains.
I was thinking “This is so cheesy… why do I like it so much?” Why do those cheesy, romantic plot lines centering on a prince appeal to us that much?
Instead of investing all your time and money on stuff, plan to make your important gifts a little more personal, inexpensive, and powerfully transforming.
What looks like rejection of faith may not actually be a statement of firm belief. It may truly be a question in disguise.
Every single one of us has been very disappointed by our spouse from time to time. Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be the end of the story.
Sexual harassment has always been there, in the shadowy corners of Hollywood and corporate America. But #MeToo & the Harvey Weinstein case flipped a switch.
I discovered that the sources for the “70% percent of second marriages end in divorce” stat don’t exist. The truth is is much better.
If you want good work relationships, it will help to understand a few key ways men are wired. After all, you can only work on yourself.
“Let It Go” is more than a Frozen anthem for the pre-school set. It’s also a hard-core success strategy for giving yourself — and those around you — a truly happy holiday, from Thanksgiving preparations through New Year’s Day (and the rest of the year). I saw the power of a few of these little actions […]
Assume the best of your spouse’s intentions toward you: in other words, that your spouse really does love you, respect you, and wants the best for you.
Jabbing the key into the ignition, he looks up as she finally open the door to get in the car. He says with irritation, “Hurry up, we’re going to be late!” She’s fuming, too. “I had to drop everything and look for the missing soccer shirt, remember?” Silence. Simmering tempers. But then . . . […]
As a child, each of us was told, “You’ve got to learn to think before you speak.” But I’ve seen we need to refine that edict if we want a great marriage: we’ve got to learn to think before we blurt! And it turns out that those of us who happen to be of the […]
As women’s earning power has changed over the last fifty years, so have marriage dynamics – and having a great relationship means knowing how to handle the new normal. According to a 2013 Pew Research study, among married couples in 1960, just six percent of women earned more than their husbands. Today, the number is 24 […]
It wasn’t really a thing before the title song of the hit comedy series Malcolm in the Middle. But for many years now, the battle cry of the American teenager has been, “You’re not the boss of me!” Well, actually, dear teenager: yes, yes we are. And here’s the surprise for every beleaguered parent: No […]
(a special guest post by Debbie Hitchcock) Last week I felt like everything I did for one of my kids was met with sarcasm, frustration, or anger. The typical jokes we had between us, the acts of kindness I did, and every time I seemed to open my mouth it was met with a snarl of […]
There’s a couple I know who just seems to have their act together. They’re a joy to be around and it’s obvious that they genuinely like being around each other, too! No, they’re not perfect (they have kids and jobs and, ahem, they’re human!) but their drama seems to be kept at a minimum. Over […]
As both a social researcher who has interviewed and surveyed thousands of boys and a mom of a son, I’ve seen three common – and very harmful – things boys tend to believe about themselves. Mom and Dad, keep an eye out, so you can knock down this nonsense whenever it rears its ugly head! 1. […]
Dear Shaunti, In one of your books, you say it’s important to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions. But all that does is give your spouse license to hurt you again and again without consequences. Who cares what their intentions are, if the result is pain? My husband says things that are harsh to […]
Although this article is for women, I’m sure some astonished men are looking in, and asking, “What do you mean why you should initiate sex?!” To guys, the answer is completely obvious! It reminds me of that line from the movie City Slickers when Billy Crystal’s character tells his friend, “Women need a reason to […]
Not that this ever happens to you. But every now and then our kids (girls and boys) might perhaps display a little attitude. Perhaps it’s an eye roll, a derisive tone, a sudden disrespectful temper. Whatever it is, it’s almost guaranteed to make a parent’s head explode. We of course never did this. Ever. We were […]
I don’t think there are many who would be surprised to hear that in my interviews and surveys with over 1,000 men for my book For Women Only, men emphatically stated that it had an emotional impact to see that their wife was making an effort to take care of herself for him. It makes […]
Who doesn’t love a good “To Do” list? I make them for everything…chores around the house, work related projects, doctor’s appointments — even things to put on future “To Do” lists! (Yes, I know that is a bit OCD…) But what about a “Don’t Do” list? (I vote for “Don’t clean the toilets” on mine!) […]
So, guys, you’ve just had a big fight with your wife and now you’re ready to cool off and mend the relationship. What better way to make up than to spend a little intimate time together, right? Just one little problem, though: physical intimacy is the farthest thing from her mind. What’s the deal? For […]
Dear Shaunti: I read your book, For Women Only, and one thing you said scared me. You explained how men can’t not notice a woman with a good figure, but that many men try to look away so they don’t start lusting after every hot chick they see. Since I read that, whenever we’re walking […]
The other day at a huge high school sports event, I watched a large, loud dad yelling at a ref. On the sidelines, the coach looked furious. Being abusive to an official not only models terrible behavior; it’s a terrible strategy. I started to wonder: what other parental actions do coaches hate, that might not […]
Men, have you ever found yourself feeling frustrated when, after a fight with your wife, she seems to doubt your relationship and commitment? It made perfect sense to you that you stopped talking to her when you were mad. You were worried you might say something stupid and be a total jerk. But the next […]
Dear Shaunti, I recently read For Women Only and I now realize how important it is for my husband to know I respect him – which I do. But I come from a long line of “strong women” (as my dad puts it) and none of us is afraid to voice an opinion. Including telling our husbands […]
Dear Shaunti, I work full-time, have 3 small children and work a flex schedule. This works really well for my family but my male co-workers get frustrated when they can’t reach me during traditional office hours. I’m getting all my work done but I’m worried they’re not viewing me as an equal colleague because they […]
I remember a couple of years ago around Mother’s Day, Jeff and I were watching television one night when we saw a commercial for Publix, one of the big grocery-store chains in our area. The television ad showed several scenes of different men in different houses, secretly helping their kids cook breakfast for Mom, and […]
One of the things that years of research with men and women, boys and girls, has taught me is that the genders are just (gasp!) different. It always stuns me when people push back against this idea – as if acknowledging differences will somehow suck our society through the space-time-continuum, back to the bad old […]
Imagine a springtime shower without the gentle sound of rain. Or a baseball game without that CRACK of the bat. Or imagine a world where children smile but don’t laugh, friends wave but don’t speak, dogs don’t bark and birds don’t sing. A world without all that would seem flat and weird and strangely empty, […]
Have you ever travelled to a foreign country with a very different culture for your work? Were you uneasy? Did you read up on the geography, language, rituals, and nuances so that you would be successful? When I was working as a financial analyst at the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, my primary responsibility […]
Ladies, do you love your husband, but find yourself regularly irritated by that little thing that he does? He’s a great guy and all, but Ugh! If he would only stop parking in the mud when he takes the kids to the ball practice. Or fold the laundry instead of just pulling it out of […]
As a busy analyst, author, and speaker my days are full so it can be easy to lose track of time. As a wife to my husband, Jeff and a mom to our two great kids, I have to protect my precious time and be careful not to let it flash before my eyes. My […]
Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been married 5 years and I love him, but we’ve been arguing a lot lately. We both work a lot and have two children, so we spend a good bit of time apart. I tend to be a control freak and, as my husband says, I panic if something […]
Ladies, imagine that as part of your dream job or volunteer work, you are offered a project that is really exciting, and could also earn you a very welcome financial bonus. You step up to do it. Eager to please your boss, you spend long weeks binge-drinking caramel macchiatos, getting little sleep, and pouring your […]
Many guys that I know often feel like they are caught between a rock and a hard place. They are busting their tails at work, feeling the stress and sometimes putting in long hours so that they can provide for their families – provide a lifestyle that they think their wives need and want. Yet, all […]