Perfect Practice Makes Perfect
You know those big conventions that have workshops, exhibit booths, and lots of chaos? This may sound funny, but I love speaking at conventions like that. One main reason is that I know it will come with the opportunity to hang out with and learn from the other speakers.
But some time ago, it was the assistant of a Christian speaker who absolutely captivated my attention with a remarkable story. To protect privacy I won’t name the speaker, but the person is known worldwide as having a powerful gift for communication. Everything this person says just flows.
This person’s assistant told me something behind the scenes. They were on a multi-country tour, and the assistant went to knock on the speaker’s hotel room door to head out for the day’s event. But suddenly, the assistant heard what sounded like discussion inside the hotel room. So the assistant waited … and waited … and the speaker didn’t stop talking.
Finally, the assistant heard a few words and realized … wait a minute, that is a section from their usual speech! This speaker, who routinely has audiences in the absolute palm of their hand, and who had given this talk dozens of times, was … practicing.
“I have to practice,” the speaker told the assistant. “Everybody thinks it comes naturally, and maybe there’s some of that. But I have to practice it right ahead of time, if I want it to come out right onstage.”
Here’s this truly anointed speaker practicing—with the intent of practicing it right. Not just memorizing words, but the perfect voice inflection, excitement, pauses, and intention in order to serve the audience well.
It made me think of a devotion I wrote on “perfect practice” in my recently re-released devotional Find Joy. Practice is not just about “practice makes perfect” like we’ve so often been told. It’s practicing the right things correctly.
Like living a life of gratitude and joy, for example.
It’s not just about something tangible, like practicing a speech, or a golf swing, or a particular way of creating widgets for your family business. It’s also about practicing a good attitude and a mindset that will serve us well.
I’ll let the devotion tell the rest. Then we’ll outline what to do about it.
Growing up, I spent every spare minute in musical theatre: singing, dancing, acting; classes in voice, dance, drama. Practice, practice, practice. Whether theater or sports or math, “practice makes perfect,” right?
Well … no. As legendary coach Vince Lombardi said, “Practice does not make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.” Hard work itself doesn’t bring the win, because you could be working hard at the wrong things. What brings success—in activities and in life—is working on and practicing the right things over and over and over. That goes for music, football, yoga, studying foreign languages, cooking … and living a life of joy instead of anxiety, discouragement, or stress.
Why? Studies show that doing something repeatedly forms neural pathways in the brain. The more we do it, the stronger and deeper those neural pathways become—it’s like a new flow of water finding a path over the land, which then becomes a little rut, which eventually becomes a gully. Absent an interruption, that path becomes the default course.
Our thought patterns form pathways, too—both positive and negative ones. We want to feel joy, peace, and delight, but we aren’t always “practicing” the daily habits that lead to that.
That’s why, in my devotional book Find Joy, we identified the eight elements, or keys, of finding joy, so we know what patterns to practice that will carve a path to where we want to be.
One of the crucial elements is gratitude. Not just the quick jolts as we throw up a “thank you, God!” because we finally found a parking spot (although that’s a great start!) but the deep thankfulness that we are intimately loved and cared for by the Creator of the universe—the kind of gratitude that is unrelated to our circumstances, health, parking spots, or even whether we know where our next paycheck is coming from.
We may also need to take a hard look at whether we have dug an anti-joy “gully” in our mind and must create a better path. Here’s the key question: what happens when we don’t get our way or aren’t in happy circumstances, and what are we practicing as a result? Is it gossiping and complaining to a friend or on social media? Is it exasperated eye-rolling or worried sighs? Negative chatter and a fretful heart are just us being really good at practicing the wrong thing.
When we purposely replace those reactions with a legitimate prayer of gratitude (“Thank You, God, even in this challenging situation. I know You’re in the middle of it, and I know You will bring blessing through it”), we live in true joy.
Let’s practice THAT.
When it comes to gratitude, how exactly can we practice it? Here are four ideas to get you started. Perfectly.
Practice step #1:
Practice holding your tongue when you want to jump onto something your kids or spouse says.
Most of us remember our parents saying, “think before you speak,” and we know how important it is, but darn it … sometimes when we are triggered (“You forgot to put gas in your car AGAIN?!”) it can feel good to set self-control aside and just start barking.
This is a setback to the growth in our brain’s positive pathways. And we usually have a relationship to mend, too. So, challenge yourself to stop practicing the wrong thing (unloading on people you love) and instead start practicing the right thing (zipping it for a bit!)
Practice step #2
Practice stopping a train of thought that trends toward anxiety, stress, or “what ifs.”
Statistically, this is especially challenging for women. In Chapter Three of For Men Only, we demonstrated how, unlike most men, most women can’t easily compartmentalize or shut off worries that are bothering us.
That said, on the survey, 41% of women said they had learned how to do that; how to set aside anxious, stressful, and what-if kinds of thoughts. What is their secret? When I ask them, the common thread they share is that it’s basically practice. They practice “taking every thought captive.” For example, when a mom starts worrying because her teenage driver hasn’t checked in yet, she shuts down the horrific thoughts about accidents and ambulances and instead tells herself, “He is a responsible driver, traffic is probably bad, and he probably hasn’t called to check in because he is driving.”
Practice step #3
Practice giving “equal minutes” to gratitude as you do to your favorite show or hobby.
Oh, now I’m really getting into your space, right? Seriously, though, in order to learn this new gratitude habit, we’re going to have to give it time. If you have a hobby or a favorite show, what would it look like for you to give a similar amount of time – or even just a percentage of that time!— to practice gratitude in some way? For example:
- Hide notes for your family telling them how grateful you are for x, y, or z. If your teenage son usually takes out the trash, hide a note for him with a $5 Starbucks card where the new trash bags are stored. If your husband always shakes the dirt out of the car mats in your car, leave a note of gratitude under the floor mat, so he’ll see it.
- Spend dedicated time your knees, thanking God for everything you can think of. Use the alphabet as a guide if that helps. I’m thankful for the Air I breathe, the Bed I sleep in, the Cat that curls up in my lap (okay, that one is mine), you get the idea.
Practice step #4
Practice thanking God when it’s hard.
We can develop an instinct to stop in the middle of our challenging situations and thank God. If we can’t find anything in it to thank Him for in it, we can thank Him for how He will bring us through it. We can thank Him for how He has helped us in the past. We can thank Him for the creativity and wonder He will display in working our toughest situations out for good.
If nothing else, we can thank Him simply for who He is.
I have seen God turn the ugliest, scariest scenarios into something unexpectedly beautiful in my own life and the lives of those I love. He can and does still work wonders. When we praise Him when it’s hard, that’s beautiful to Him. The Bible calls this a “sacrifice of praise.” It’s praise that costs us something.
It will change your life. And, that’s what I call perfect practice.
If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at [email protected].
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