Debunking the Bad Rap Against Evangelical Men

I have been waiting for a year to write this blog. (Actually, I’ve been waiting for twenty years, ever since my research began taking me into the minds of men and how they think!) About a year ago, I had dinner with author Nancy Pearcey, who shared some advance findings from her upcoming book The Toxic War on Masculinity: How Christianity Reconciles the Sexes – much-needed truths that push back on the popularized notion that the way men are wired is somehow faulty.  

Toxic, even. 

Well, that book is now out! And in this artful, well-researched work, Pearcey has given us reasons to applaud the good in men – especially evangelical men – by celebrating rather than denigrating the way they are wired. Most importantly, she shares outstanding data that thoroughly debunks the all-too-common myth of the overbearing, clueless, or coarse Christian male. 

As some of you know, I’ve been deeply concerned about the cultural wave that has labeled male characteristics “toxic” just because they are male. I already investigated that trend, so I won’t revisit the details here. But suffice it to say, the media (and social media) all too often lump all men in with the toxic few, or claim they need to shape up because they are, well, men.  

Pearcey was the victim of terrifying abuse in her growing-up years, but she resisted whatever urge she might have had to join that chorus. Instead, she got to work examining how culture lost its vision of healthy, biblical manhood – and, just as importantly, how we can find it again. 

The lost being found is the story of the Bible, and it’s also the story of Pearcey’s important book. I hope you’ll get a copy not only for yourself but for the key leaders you know (pastors, counselors, etc.). We all need this knowledge in order to push back when we hear myths and replace them with truth. 

To get you started, here are just a few encouraging findings everyone needs to know about the positive impact evangelical men have on their families. (I’ve included page numbers so you can flip through the book and find them easily.) 

Finding #1: Devoted evangelical men make the best husbands  

Our culture has piled on men for years now – and critics aim their ire in special doses toward evangelical men. If the groupthink is to be believed, evangelical men are domineering, patriarchal, and know just enough of the bible to be harsh with it.  

Now, before going further, we must make the same crucial distinction Pearcey does. There is a significant difference between devout evangelicals and nominal (literally “in name only”) evangelicals. These encouraging stats apply to evangelical men who attend church at least three times a month (as opposed to nominal evangelicals who attend sporadically if at all).  

Citing various studies, Pearcey notes that churchgoing evangelical men: 

• Have the lowest rate of domestic violence of any group in America (p.14) 
• Are 35% less likely to divorce than secular men (p.37) 
• Are four times as likely to report being sexually satisfied as men in relationships with no religious activity (p.44) 

Isn’t that cool? And you’ll see even more encouraging stats in a moment.  

I love that her data lines up with positive findings from my interviews and surveys of more than 20,000 men and boys over the last twenty years. Despite the implication of the “toxic masculinity” label, most men want to be good husbands and be good dads – and they are!  

Of course, sadly, that is not universal. There are men who abuse their masculinity in very harmful ways. There are men who don’t care to improve and grow. But statistically, the vast majority of men – especially churchgoing Christian men – want to use their strength to help, protect, and serve those they love, not abuse and overpower them.  

Finding #2: Evangelical men are usually great dads  

Pearcey also looks at how well evangelicals stack up as dads. While, she says, “secular critics suspect religious conservatives of being harsh, authoritarian, autocratic fathers,” sociological studies paint a far more promising picture. Churchgoing evangelical dads are less likely to yell at their kids and most likely to know where their adolescent children are in the afternoons and evenings. They also: 

• Are 65% more likely to report praising and hugging their children “very often” compared with secular or religiously unaffiliated fathers (p.41) 
• Spend about 3.5 more hours per week with their children compared to secular fathers (p.41) 

In fact, churchgoing fathers often pay a “Daddy Penalty” at work – forgoing bonuses or promotions in favor of putting family first. Pearcey notes that studies of active churchgoing fathers find that “they are the most likely to set boundaries at work and to reject careerism so they can focus on their families.” Yes, plenty of evangelical men are concerned about providing for their families and may feel a need to work lots of overtime. But many others (especially younger men) are also willing to request flexible hours, take the lower paying job that requires less travel, or leave early to see their kids’ ball games.  

Finding #3: Wives of committed evangelical men are happier  

Given the stats I just shared, it makes perfect sense that wives of committed evangelical men are happier in key areas of their marriage relationship than their secular counterparts. In fact, Pearcey notes that “fully 73% of wives who hold conservative gender values and attend religious services regularly with their husbands have high-quality marriages.” (p.39) 

And among highly religious couples, wives are twice as likely as their secular peers to express satisfaction with their sexual relationship. (p.44) 

Yet if these same wives are sitting down to watch the news or listen to a talk show with their men, they’re in for a shock. Citing a media researcher who conducted a content analysis of more than 2,000 media portrayals of men, Pearcey reported that “more than 75 percent of all media representations of men portrayed them as “villains, aggressors, perverts, and philanderers.” (p.20) 

There’s a colossal disconnect between media portrayals of men and the committed, loving, reality that men are living out every day on sports fields, family rooms, and bedrooms. 

We must celebrate – and circulate – truth! 

I hope that sharing some of that data from The Toxic War on Masculinity was helpful (I couldn’t help myself!) but I also hope you’ll dive into this important book yourself. Pearcey not only overturns false assumptions about evangelical men, but she explores historical context for how we arrived at today’s flashpoint views about masculinity – and how we can move past them. 

Not everyone who reads this blog is a churchgoer. But all of us can agree that it is important to celebrate – and circulate – truth. It is vital to spread the word about the world as it is, and be a part of debunking discouraging cultural myths. Just as I’ve encouraged everyone to debunk the myth that the divorce rate in the church is the same as in society as a whole (in reality, churchgoer divorce rates are much lower), let’s be a part of debunking the concept that masculinity is toxic. 

Sin is what’s toxic.  

Should men hold themselves to a high standard? Absolutely. Just as women should. Should we excuse or ignore toxicity where it exists? Absolutely not. Just as we should not for a woman who happens to be toxic. Sin is not gendered. 

Masculinity itself is not the problem. But tragically, when it is treated as the problem, what becomes the solution? Emasculation. Our sons and our men are told that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Instead, men and boys need to be affirmed that they are created just as they are for a reason.  

From anthropology to neurobiology, science has clearly shown that men as a whole are created to be protective, providing-oriented, physically stronger, and more adventurous and aggressive than women. But when these traits are used positively, there isn’t a woman I know who wouldn’t want that man by her side – and on her side. 

We strong women need strong men. So we can do better than male-bashing. We can celebrate rather than fear healthy male strength. We can lead the way in changing the cultural dialogue. Picking up a copy of Pearcey’s well-researched book is an excellent start. 

And if you are interested in having Shaunti speak on kindness for your workplace, church, school or community group, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

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