With Money, the Three Gs Matter – Gratitude, Generosity, and Grace  

I live in an older house with a non-refurbished kitchen. So if you and I ever got the chance to share a cup of coffee at my kitchen table, let’s just say you’d have to be okay with kitchen cabinets that have a certain 1981 flair. Oh, and cereal boxes that are stacked on top of our refrigerator because we have no pantry.

In fact, for years, I groaned about that, saying (or thinking) things like, “It would be so nice to have a pantry. If we had storage space, then I’d be happy.” 

Did you catch it? I was doing the if/then thing. And if you’ve ever found yourself in that trap, you know that it gets exhausting. Why? Because discontentment is exhausting.

Discontentment doesn’t just affect us. When we model this and other cues about money, possessions, and God’s provision to our kids, we are also—intentionally or not—laying a foundation for their future views. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to send our young people into adulthood with a firm handle on what I’ll call the Three G’s: Gratitude, Generosity, and Grace?

Each one is essential for us to grasp. And when we do, we also give our kids (or any of the young people in our lives— I’m looking at you, grandparents, youth leaders and children’s volunteers) a template for grasping them, too.

Cultivate Gratitude 
 

One way Jeff and I have tried to inoculate our kids (and ourselves) against discontentment over the years is by fostering a sense of gratitude. This really came home for me one Saturday when the kids and I decided to hop in the car and “just drive around.”

We set out over the hill from our house into an old-money area of Atlanta, where beautiful streets are lined by gorgeous homes with manicured lawns. At ages 8 and 11, the kids were old enough to appreciate them. As we drove around, I heard the kids saying, “WOAH!” and “Look at that one!” at these magnificent houses. Finally, we returned home, pulled into our driveway, and the kids said …

“WOAH!!”

About our house. I wanted to cry. Our kids realized it’s a great home. God has given us a great family with a lot of love and they realized we live in a woah house. Even with its conspicuous lack of kitchen storage. 

I will treasure that moment for the rest of my life. And gratitude was at the core of it.

The thing is: None of us is born content. We enter the world in a frenzy to get our needs met, and if we follow that course unchecked, we are headed for a life of self-pity, comparison, and ingratitude. Gratitude is the better way.

The Bible says gratitude helps us to be content in all circumstances, and research bears this out. Two psychologists who have extensively studied gratitude asked participants to write a few sentences each week. One group wrote about things they were grateful for, another group about their irritations. The third group was asked simply to write about things that affected them, with no emphasis on positivity or negativity. Those who wrote about gratitude reported more optimism and fewer doctor visits!

In my own research, when we interviewed couples for Thriving in Love & Money, gratitude rose to the top in strategies couples employ to navigate finances well together.

So, as we seek to leverage the power of gratitude in handling our finances, why not invite our children to join us? In fact, why not teach them? The apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:11, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Here are some strategies to cultivate gratitude in our kids.

1. Say “thank you.” 
    
   It’s not just good manners: teaching your kids to say thank you helps them notice that their lives are filled with good things. It’s hard to say, “Thank you for the great dinner, Mom!” and desperately want a new pair of Air Jordans in the same moment.  
    
2. Keep a gratitude journal. 
    
   Find a notebook for your child and encourage them to write one thing they’re thankful for every day. If they need ideas to get started, maybe pick a new category every day, like something green or something in their bedroom. 
    
3. Take a walk! 
    
   Turn family walks into an exercise in counting your blessings. Encourage your kids to notice cool things using their senses. What do they see, hear, smell, and feel that makes them feel thankful? 

Sprinkle Generosity 

The second G is a foundational habit that we are hopefully building in ourselves—and that will grow kids into good stewards of their finances one day. It’s generosity.

Holding money with open hands puts it in its proper position of servant instead of master. And as parents, we can model the unexpected truth of how being generous can both bless others and keep us free us from being controlled by money.

(A caveat: Make sure your kids aren’t being generous to “buy” friends, though. Giving from the heart should bring a sense of joy and freedom, no strings attached!) 

Here are some generosity principles to keep in mind, as you coach your kids in giving:

1. Start small. 
   
   

The amount of the gift isn’t as important as the heart behind it. Jesus reminds us that the widow’s two coins counted more than the money of the rich because of her attitude. Giving a quarter for Sunday school offering could be a great start!  
 

• Give a portion of whatever you earn.  

This could be money earned from a weekly allowance or a teenager’s fast-food paycheck. Either way, encourage your child to give—both tithes and offerings. For example, maybe you set aside a portion of your paycheck for spontaneous giving (“Let’s help that neighbor who just lost her job with some money to buy groceries.”), and your kids also pick up on the sheer delight of that.

• Give time. 
  

Could your family agree on ways to serve at a local homeless shelter or church thrift store? Not only can this help your kids see needs outside of their own, it can also help them cultivate gratitude for their own good things. 

Extend Grace 

As a married couple, and in leading your children, remember to lead with grace. We parents make money mistakes sometimes, and our kids won’t always get it right either. That’s why we are teaching them! Having a flexible and forgiving attitude, and having conversations about the value we attach to experiences or things can help them form ideas they’ll take into their future relationships.

If your teen ducks out on family dinner for Chick-fil-A or your nine-year-old doesn’t want to chip in for his brother’s birthday present, that’s your perfect opportunity to refresh their understanding of gratitude and generosity as you patiently extend grace.  

Of course, the sneaky benefit of teaching our kids The Three G’s is that we get to examine our own attitudes about those principles. (If as a couple, you have any tension about money or avoid talking about it, I highly recommend my book Thriving in Love and Money. You’re not alone!)

In the end, money can be a great point of connection in our marriages and with our kids. Let’s approach it that way.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at [email protected].

On our podcast, I Wish You Could Hear This, Jeff and I offer proven steps to help you thrive in your life, faith and relationships. In other words, we’ll offer the practical help you’ve grown accustomed to right here in this blog space.  You’ll take away specific steps that help you today. Listen, follow, and share with your friends on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify and other platforms.

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