Broken Trust in a Relationship? Here’s What To Do

A note from Shaunti: I’ve invited my friend Jill Savage, a speaker, author, marriage coach and podcaster, to guest blog this week on the topic of broken trust. From my research, I know this is an essential topic that requires specialized knowledge and counsel. Jill and her husband Mark are very open about the steps they took to rebuild trust after an affair. If your marriage, or any relationship that matters to you, has faced broken trust, today’s blog is a must-read.

Your teenager says they are at one location, and you find out they are somewhere else.

Your friend has broken your confidence by sharing something about you to someone else.

Your mom or dad consistently miss important celebrations in your life.

Your spouse has been hiding financial expenditures from you.

What do all these scenarios have in common? Broken trust.

Broken trust happens when someone doesn’t follow through on what they said they would do or when their words don’t match their actions.

Nearly every relationship experiences broken trust in some way—big or small—because we’re imperfect people who do life with imperfect people. When we experience broken trust, however, most of us don’t know how to handle it well.

Sometimes we’re the one who breaks the trust and sometimes we’re the one whose trust is broken. Either way, it’s important to understand what happens in a relationship when trust is broken and how trust can be restored in that relationship.

My husband Mark and I know this reality well. Thirteen years ago, Mark went through the darkest season of his life, lost his way, had an affair, and left. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.

I knew that my husband was lost. I knew this wasn’t the man I married. I believed that if he would return to his God, he would return to his family, so I answered God’s call for me to love him during that dark season. Sometimes that love was undeserved kindness and sometimes it was boundaries. (If you’re in those circumstances I did a free webinar about standing for your marriage and loving someone who’s hard to love that you can watch here.)

It took a year, but he eventually made the U-turn I had been believing for.  It then took us a year and a half to heal our marriage and restore the trust. In our healing journey, I discovered Mark wasn’t the only one who’d broken trust in our marriage. There were ways I had broken Mark’s trust over our then 28-year marriage as well. I’d been critical. I’d parented my husband. We both had to rebuild trust with each other. Today we call ourselves Mark and Jill 2.0 and broken trust is in the rearview mirror of our now 40-year marriage. Our life’s work is now centered around helping other couples rebuild trust and experience a 2.0 marriage.

Whether trust needs to be restored in a marriage, a parent/child relationship, at work, or in a friendship, there’s only one way to rebuild trust and it’s not what people usually think. Here are three things that don’t rebuild trust and the one thing that does:

An apology doesn’t rebuild trust

Too often when trust has been broken, the person who broke the trust wants to simply apologize and move on. We all wish it were that easy, but it’s not. Imagine that trust is the water in a bathtub. When trust is broken, the water is drained out of the bathtub. You can’t just turn on the faucet with an apology and voila … the trust fills the tub back up. Instead, trust is rebuilt one trust-building action, one trust-building conversation at a time. This process is like filling the bathtub up one tablespoon at a time.

Forgiveness doesn’t rebuild trust

When someone breaks our trust, we have to forgive in order to unclutter our own heart. God calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32). We can’t wait until we feel like forgiving because that’s unlikely to happen. However, sometimes we’re hesitant to forgive because we think it means we’ll then need to trust. What we have to understand is that forgiveness and rebuilding trust are two very different things. Forgiveness opens the door for trust to be rebuilt, but it does not rebuild trust in any way. Forgiveness is the work of the one whose trust was broken. Rebuilding trust is the work of the one who broke the trust.

Promises don’t rebuild trust

Communicating with words is very important in all relationships. Our words matter. When trust has been broken, however, the process of restoring trust requires us to show—with our actions—that we are once again trustworthy. This is the only time in a relationship where words don’t matter. Actions really do speak louder than words. Promises are empty in the trust rebuilding journey, but actions speak volumes.

The formula for rebuilding trust

If apologies, forgiveness, or promises don’t rebuild trust, then what does? Consistent changed behavior over time. The only way that trust can be rebuilt is consistent changed behavior over time. There are no shortcuts. It takes time and consistent actions and interactions during that time that are trust-building. This gives hope to the one whose trust has been broken and allows them to begin to believe they will be able to trust the person again. We like to say “the trust breaker is the trust maker” because they hold the key with their actions to rebuild trust in the relationship.

In our journey to rebuild trust in our marriage, our consistent changed behavior over time re-opened the door to connection and intimacy. It tore down walls we had built in self-protection. It also planted seeds of hope that, when watered with consistent changes, bloomed into a restored relationship that was stronger than before.

You may be longing for that in your marriage and wondering how to actually get there. What does the trust-builder do differently each day? How does the one whose trust was broken create and hold boundaries? How does forgiveness work when the heart has been shredded? We offer a range of resources to help answer these questions and assist in your journey towards healing broken trust. Remember, trust-building is a process that takes time, patience and effort from both partners. If you need further assistance, please feel free to explore the resources on our website or reach out to a professional counselor or therapist who specializes in relationships.


Jill Savage is host of the No More Perfect Podcast, and the author of 16 books including No More Perfect Moms, and Empty Nest Full Life. She and her husband Mark are marriage coaches and have coauthored two books: No More Perfect Marriages and Living With Less So Your Family Has More.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Amy Masaschi at [email protected]/.

On our podcast, I Wish You Could Hear This, Jeff and I offer proven steps to help you thrive in your life, faith and relationships. In other words, we’ll offer the practical help you’ve grown accustomed to right here in this blog space.  You’ll take away specific steps that help you today. Listen, follow, and share with your friends on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify and other platforms.

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates

* indicates required

More from Shaunti’s Blog:

Share With Others

44 Comments

  1. I am unable to attend the Nov. 2nd webinar, but it’s exactly what I need. Will there be another in the near future?

  2. My boyfriend stuck in the love with another girl and broke up our 3 years relationship. After taking the help of (priestadu@ gmail. com), my boyfriend suddenly realized his mistake and came back to my life.

  3. I WIN BACK MY EX HUSBAND AFTER DUMPING ME FOR HIS MISTRESS WITH THE HELP OF PRIEST MANUKA WHO RESTORED PEACE BACK TO MY MARRAGE…. THANKS TO MANUKA FOR RESCUING MY MARRIAGE (MANUKA-TEMPLE0.WEBNODE.CO.UK)

    1. I never thought I would be the kind of person to question the loyalty of someone I loved so deeply. For years, I believed trust was something that came naturally in a relationship, something you didn’t have to fight for or second-guess. But life has a way of testing even the strongest beliefs, and mine was tested in a way I never expected.
      It started with small things—subtle changes that were easy to ignore at first. My partner became distant, more protective of their phone, and less emotionally available. Conversations that once flowed effortlessly became short and forced. At first, I blamed stress, work pressure, or even myself. I told myself I was overthinking, that I needed to be more understanding.
      But deep down, something didn’t feel right.
      The feeling grew stronger each day, turning into anxiety that I couldn’t shake. I found myself overanalyzing every little detail—late replies, unexplained absences, sudden changes in routine. It was exhausting, both mentally and emotionally. I felt stuck between wanting to trust and fearing the truth.
      I knew I needed clarity, not assumptions.
      That was when I decided to take a step back and approach the situation differently. Instead of acting out of fear or jumping to conclusions, I focused on finding the truth in a way that wouldn’t destroy me in the process. I reached out for guidance and support—someone who could help me understand what I was dealing with and how to handle it wisely.
      The process wasn’t about invading privacy or doing anything harmful. It was about gaining clarity, observing patterns, and understanding behaviors that I had been ignoring. I started paying closer attention—not just to actions, but to consistency, communication, and emotional connection.
      What I discovered wasn’t easy to accept.
      There were clear signs that my partner had been emotionally involved elsewhere. It wasn’t something dramatic or obvious at first, but the evidence became undeniable over time. Conversations lacked sincerity, priorities had shifted, and there was a clear disconnect between words and actions.
      I won’t lie—it hurt deeply.
      There’s a different kind of pain that comes with realizing someone you trusted has not been completely honest with you. It shakes your confidence, your self-worth, and your understanding of the relationship. But as painful as it was, I also felt something unexpected…
      Relief.
      Relief that I was no longer living in confusion. Relief that I wasn’t “overthinking” or imagining things. Relief that I finally had the clarity I needed to make a decision about my life.
      That clarity changed everything.
      Instead of reacting with anger or desperation, I chose to handle the situation with calmness and self-respect. I confronted my partner—not with accusations, but with facts and observations. The conversation was difficult, but it was necessary. And in that moment, everything became clear.
      There was no more denial.
      What followed wasn’t easy, but it was empowering. I made the decision to prioritize myself—my peace, my dignity, and my future. For the first time in a long while, I felt in control again.
      Looking back now, I realize that what I needed wasn’t just answers—I needed strength. Strength to face the truth, strength to accept it, and strength to move forward.
      This experience taught me some powerful lessons:
      Trust your instincts — if something feels off, it’s worth paying attention to.
      Clarity is better than confusion — even painful truth is better than endless doubt.
      Self-respect matters more than holding on — never lose yourself trying to keep someone else.
      You deserve honesty — always.
      Today, I’m in a much better place—mentally, emotionally, and personally. I’ve grown stronger, wiser, and more aware of what I truly deserve in a relationship. The experience didn’t break me; it rebuilt me.
      If you’re in a situation where you feel uncertain, confused, or emotionally drained, I want you to know this—you’re not alone. It’s okay to seek clarity. It’s okay to ask questions. And most importantly, it’s okay to choose yourself.
      Because at the end of the day, peace of mind is priceless. All thanks to people that came true for me. [email protected]
      TELEGRAM@SEFTYHUB

  4. Unbelievable but true! With the help of cyph3rcod3z, I was able to monitor my spouse’s activities without direct access to their phone and without them knowing. In just less than few hours, I received all the information I needed to confront the infidelity issues during my divorce. If you’re facing similar challenges, don’t hesitate to reach out to him via email ( cyph3rcod3z @ Gmail com ) for the help you need. I’m grateful for this opportunity and privilege, and I’m committed to sharing it with others in need.

  5. I was heartbroken that my boyfriend broke up our years relationship by confronting him of his affair with his colleague but thank God of ADU after Reaching out to ADU temple for help (priestadu @ gmail. com) my boyfriend came back for settlement.

  6. Reach out to manuka reunion love spell for marital problem at (manuka-temple0.webnode.co.uk) to help you win back your Ex and fix ur marriage problem.

  7. thanks to adu priest for restoring my marriage within 24hrs with the power of his reunion love spell once again thank you and remain bless. (priestadu @ gmail. com)

  8. My marriage was restored with the help of ADU priest reunion love spell reach out for more information (priestadu@ gmail. com)

  9. THANK THE LORD OF THE UNIVERSE FOR USING PRIEST ADU GET BACK MY EX HUSBAND WHO LEFT ME FOR HIS MISTRESS AN HAPPY TODAY HE CAME BACK ON HIS OWN AFTER THE INTERVENTION ADU REUNION LOVE SPELL REACH HIM IF NEEDED OR ON GOOGLE SEARCH ADU SOLUTION TEMPLE

  10. I am genuinely excited with Priest Meduza as his spell has provided me with financial stability after winning $273 Million from the New Jersey Lottery with his accurate numbers.. Email him for help at: lordmeduzatemple@ hotmail. com

  11. Hello everyone Lottery is something majority of the people in the world want to win, not only winning the lottery, but they want to win big, I have been playing the lottery for couple of years now, but I haven’t really win big, personally I always think there is something behind all those winners who always win big, because my intense always tell me that every thing is possible, I manage to get in contact with one of the biggest lottery winner in the US, I asked him about the success, and he referred me to a very powerful voodoo doctor, (Dr Herry), he is indeed a great man who I explained to , without no hidden details , (i really want to win the lottery so bad ) he put to work and few days latter he gave me numbers that never fails , these numbers was what I played and I won $419, Million Dollars , (Dr Herry) is blessed , you too can change your life too with his help, contact Email: [email protected] call him or whats-app +12023654871

  12. Am Happy to get back my ex, Really thankful for the reunion love spell done by Adu Priest that restored my marriage, now it makes my marriage feel better ❤️🥺😊 via____ solutiont.emple @ mail. com

  13. Claim this chance to win the lottery with Dr. Isa, who helped me win $2,000,000. His WhatsApp: +2347046030096

    1. D.. M SEFTYHUB If you’re looking for a safe means in which you can spy and monitor your pals phone(whether android or iPhone). I would gladly recommend you hire this trustworthy SEFTYHUB . They are the most trustworthy and reliable source for tracking and Monitoring jobs. I saw so many great reviews about them online and decided to hire them also and they got me complete access to my husband phones in less than 4 hours. They deliver a ghost job in the sense that your spouse won’t notice you’re monitoring them and I gladly gait access to his phone everyday, I had access to his phone call conversations, web history, text messages, email, social media conversations, real time locations, calls logs and history and this SEFTYHUB also gave me access to all deleted datas on his phone. Most times when I’m at work I click on the SEFTYHUB spy dashboard and see where he’s at and what he’s doing. I’m really impressed with the good works of this GEEK and I’m happy to have found out the truth. I know a lot of people need a relaible private investigator, you can contact them via Gmail.

      SEFTYHUB (a) GMAIL.COM

  14. I never thought a spell could help a couple before. I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr masako via email. (doctormasako@ gmail. com ) his whatsAPP +2349047144277

  15. Praise be to the incredible Lord Meduza. I won the lottery with the help of Lord Meduza winning jackpot numbers. Email him to get yours now if you are destined to win the lottery via: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmai l .com or Whats-App +1 (807) 798-3042.

  16. Having my broken relationship back has brought great joy in my life, this is one thing that I have always wished for in my Life and I got it so easily through The help of Priest Az at Mightylovespe ll (a) gm ail. com

  17. If there’s anyone that I trust and believe in his spells is LORD MEDUZA. My Heart is filled with Joy and Happiness after LORD MEDUZA cast a Lottery Spell that made me win $435 MILLION with the Numbers he provided for me. His spell changed my life into riches and now, I’m out of debts and living the best life that I want for myself. You can contact him for your own lottery winning numbers because this is the only secret to win the Lottery. For immediate response, email him at: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail. com or Whats App +1 (807) 798-3042

  18. My life is incredibly beautiful and I owe my deepest appreciation to Lord Meduza as his efforts are the epitome of excellence in making me the lottery winner of €116 million. Reach out to Lord Meduza for help via his email: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com

  19. This is the right time for you to win your lottery with a spell by Dr. Isa, who helped me win. WhatsApp: +2347046030096

  20. I feel so fortunate to have crossed paths with MEDUZA a specialist in lottery spells. He enabled me to win a $259 million Jackpot with his lottery spell winning numbers. Reach him for help via email: lordmeduzatemple@ hotmail . com

  21. I am thankful today because my situation changed after contacting Oniha Spells.I explained what I wanted, and the help I received transformed my life in ways I did not expect. Everything worked out positively, Anyone can contact Oniha Spells via droniha16 @gmail .com

  22. I feel so fortunate to have crossed paths with MEDUZA a specialist in lottery spells. He enabled me to win a $259 million Jackpot with his lottery spell winning numbers. Reach him for help via: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com

  23. Lord Meduza is the spell caster that helped me win the whopping sum of $48 million Canadian Dollars in the Lotto game 6/49 Gold Ball. Email him now to win the lottery: Lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com

  24. Praise be to the incredible gifted Lord Meduza, the sorcerer. I won the lottery with the help of Lord Meduza winning jackpot numbers. Email him to get yours now if you want to win the lottery: lordmeduzatemple@ hotmail. com

  25. I won $100 million. when it comes to winning the lottery Dr OGBO is the best you could ever found ,I still can’t believe I finally Win after so many years. Thank you so much for your help. Add him up on Email [email protected] Or WhatsApp him +2348110968476

    1. Thanks to lord Bubuza the lottery spell caster that revealed the lottery winning numbers to me and I won $2.9 billion dollars. contact him via email:::: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com

    2. HOW I WON $2.9 BILLION AFTER USING LORD BUBUZA’S LOTTERY SPELL: My wife and I were having serious problems because I had no money. I tried my best to make her stay, but she said there was no reason for us to continue since we had no money and no children together. People kept mocking me and asking me to pay back the money I owed them, and I became very worried. While searching online for help, I saw many testimonies from people thanking Lord Bubuza for helping them win the lottery. I contacted him and he replied quickly. I followed all the instructions he gave me for the lottery spell, and later he gave me six numbers to play. I bought my ticket and used those numbers, and to my surprise, I matched all six winning numbers and won $2.9 billion. I’m very thankful to Lord Bubuza for changing my life for the better. Contact him for help via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com …!!

  26. I am grateful for the amazing work LORD MEDUZA performed for me by providing the Jackpot lottery numbers I required to win $368,000,000. You can get yours too by sending a mail to; lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail. com

    1. HOW WE WON $70 MILLION IN LOTTO MAX AFTER LORD BUBUZA REVEALED THE WINNING NUMBERS: We have been married for 51 years and we have tried everything we could to win the Lotto Max lottery. I went online for help then I saw Testimonies of people thanking lord Bubuza for helping them win the lottery by casting a spell and revealing the lottery numbers to them. I immediately contacted him for help and he responded saying “I will cast a lottery spell and reveal the lottery winning numbers to you” I provided the requirements to cast the spell and after which he gave us the number so we purchased the Quick Pick Lotto Max ticket at a grocery store while on our way to camp and behold we won 70 million dollars and kept it a secret for a while. Our names are Doug and Enid Hannon and we are gladly recommending lord Bubuza to everyone willing to win too. Contact him via Email: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com

  27. Good day everyone, I want to share my experience with Dr Ogbo. I had seen several posts online about his “winning numbers,” and out of curiosity, I decided to contact him because I wanted to win the lottery. At first, I was skeptical, but he assured me that I was in the right place. I decided to give it a try. He asked for some necessary information, which I provided, and then he performed a spell and gave me lottery numbers.After about 7 hours, he sent me instructions on how and when to play. I followed everything as directed, and to my greatest surprise, I was among the winners. I won $100 million.I still can’t believe it after so many years of trying. According to my experience, when it comes to winning the lottery, Dr. Ogbo is the best.Thank you so much for your help.You can contact him via email at [email protected] or WhatsApp at +2348110968476.

    1. A TESTIMONY OF WINNING THE LOTTERY JACKPOT THROUGH LORD BUBUZA’S HELP: What will I do to appreciate Lord Bubuza for his honesty? I contacted him after reading comments on the internet about his lottery spell. So many people appreciated him for casting a lottery spell and revealing the lottery winning numbers which made them lottery jackpot winners. I showed my husband the testimonies I read about Lord Bubuza spell and he insisted that we give it a TRY. I spoke to Lord Bubuza for help to win the LOTTERY JACKPOT, he requested for my name and some information and said he needs them to cast a lottery spell to reveal the lottery winning numbers. I doubted Again but my husband said GO AHEAD so I provided the information and his requirements to cast the spell, after casting the spell he gave me some digit numbers and said it was revealed when casting the spell. I bought the ticket and played the numbers. I was shocked when I was announced the winner of $US60,000,000.00 million from the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation (OLG), join me appreciate him or Contact him for help via email: Lordbubuzamiraclework @ hot mail . com …

  28. I’ve been in a relationship for a while now, but recently I noticed some changes that are worrying me. My partner is always on the phone, hiding chats and acting differently.
    I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to be played.
    For those who have experienced this before,
    Ask me to try SEFTYHUB and I did
    Now Im great full. Similar case should reach them out
    SEFTYHUB @ GMAIL COM
    TELEGRAM @SEFTYHUB

  29. I never imagined how painful betrayal could feel until I lived through it. During my darkest moments of confusion and sleepless nights, Glendar Safety Hub became my anchor. They handled my situation with deep empathy, patience, and professionalism. I wasn’t rushed or judged only supported. They helped me regain clarity, protect my digital safety, and move forward with dignity. I’m forever grateful.

    [email protected]

  30. Suspicion crept in as subtle changes in my partner’s behavior emerged. I felt lost, unable to understand the growing distance. Then, I discovered SEFTYHUB , a tool promising insights into digital interactions. Driven by hope, I decided to investigate. The setup was surprisingly simple. The software guided me through tracking messaging apps, social media, and browsing histories. This process empowered me to regain control in my search for answers. I started seeing patterns: late-night messages and secretive app usage that I had previously overlooked. The information was emotionally heavy. Evidence of infidelity emerged, a mixture of relief and anguish. I realized I sought an explanation, but the answers were leading me down an unexpected path. Finding the truth was both a relief and a burden. Armed with the findings, I confronted my partner. The ensuing conversation was the most difficult I have ever had. I was prepared to face reality, a moment of clarity that proved essential to our relationship. The revelation’s aftermath showed the profound impact of unveiling hidden truths. While painful, it became a catalyst for change. SEFTYHUB helped me navigate online complexities and reflect on my needs.

    Contact EMAIL:

    [email protected]

  31. It’s A Great News to Celebrate with you Viewer, I am truly living the life I have been looking for after Dr Kachi made me win my Powerball Lottery, I had been playing for a good 8years. It was a friend of mine who directed me to Dr Kachi because my friend Nancy has won the Powerball so many times and I don’t know how she got the match six numbers to play and win a very big amount of money, then the last time she won the Mega Millions I told her to tell me the secret on how she win. That’s when she started telling me about the powerful Dr Kachi who has been her helper. and she gave me Dr Kachi Text/Call Number:+1 (209) 675-7342 I texted the greatest spell caster Dr Kachi and I told him I wanted to win my Powerball with his spiritual rightful number and he told me I should give him 2hours to get everything done and hopefully Dr Kachi do it, and give me a winning numbers to play my ticket that make me win the prize of $223.3 Million Dollars Powerball lottery Tuesday i bought the winning ticket at the Carlie C’s IGA store in Hope Mills, that changed my life for good today, and Dr Kachi a strong spell caster and trust him when he says the results will manifest it’s Truth, God bless you Dr kachi for your kind help also can Email:: (drkachispellcast AT gmail. com) or  his phone text or call number: +1 (209) 675-7342.

  32. I’m truly grateful to SEFTYHUB for their professionalism and support during a very difficult time in my relationship. They provided expert guidance and digital investigation assistance that helped me uncover the truth I needed to move forward with clarity and confidence.
    Communication was clear, timely, and respectful, and the entire process was handled discreetly. Thanks to their help, I was able to confirm my suspicions and make informed decisions about my future.
    If you’re dealing with trust issues or need reliable digital investigative support, I highly recommend
    Email–::

    [email protected]

    TELEGRAM @SEFTYHUB

  33. I feel so fortunate to have crossed paths with MEDUZA a specialist in lottery spells. He enabled me to win a $259 million Jackpot with his lottery spell winning numbers.. Reach out to him for help via email: lordmeduzatemple @ hotmail . com

  34. DM SEFTYHUB If you’re looking for a safe means in which you can spy and monitor your pals phone(whether android or iPhone). I would gladly recommend you hire this trustworthy SEFTYHUB . They are the most trustworthy and reliable source for tracking and Monitoring jobs. I saw so many great reviews about them online and decided to hire them also and they got me complete access to my husband phones in less than 4 hours. They deliver a ghost job in the sense that your spouse won’t notice you’re monitoring them and I gladly gait access to his phone everyday, I had access to his phone call conversations, web history, text messages, email, social media conversations, real time locations, calls logs and history and this SEFTYHUB also gave me access to all deleted datas on his phone. Most times when I’m at work I click on the SEFTYHUB spy dashboard and see where he’s at and what he’s doing. I’m really impressed with the good works of this GEEK and I’m happy to have found out the truth. I know a lot of people need a relaible private investigator, you can contact them via Gmail…

    [email protected]
    TELEGRAM@SEFTYHUB

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I accept the Privacy Policy