Do you have a faithful, capable, responsible man in your life? A husband, a father, a co-worker? Like me, you probably know quite a few men who embody those qualities! Because they’re all around us—men who care and provide and love their families well.
But if you watch TV, movies or follow social media, you might think there’s a scarcity of mature, wise men out there. Because there’s an awful lot of criticism and mocking of men in our culture. Men are frequently depicted or ridiculed as being clueless, laughably incompetent, or wildly immature and irresponsible. I don’t know about you, but I find it discouraging, frustrating and, to be honest, even infuriating.
Let me share a (sadly) cringe-worthy example. I was heading to the airport to speak on a Christian women’s cruise. (Hardship duty, I know.) On the radio, a woman on a bank commercial was saying something like, “Girl, I don’t have time to worry about my banking. I mean, I have two kids—well, three if you count my husband!”
Having spent so many years on the research for For Women Only, and having seen the surprisingly sensitive hearts that beat inside the men and boys in our lives, it made me mad. Why is it okay to bash men?
When I boarded the cruise and first spoke at a workshop for about 500 women, I mentioned that radio ad. It was fresh on my mind, and a concrete example of how our culture so easily disrespects men, and how painful it is to our men. That night, I gave a different talk to the entire boat of about 1500 women. As I left the stage, the singer for the evening walked on. The first words out of her mouth? “I’m so happy to be with you all! My name is so-and-so, I’m from such-and-such city, and I’ve got three kids—four if you count my husband.”
You could hear a third of the crowd gasp, as the oxygen was sucked out of the room. Right in front of us, we witnessed how easily—without thinking about it—we can make “jokes” that are actually cruel and male-bashing. Even in the church. Even from a wonderful, godly leader.
What is the impact of these kinds of remarks on the men in our lives? And how should we respond? Read on to learn more.
These Comments Hurt Men And Boys
Women often miss these statements. But men hear (or see) these sentiments of inadequacy and idiocy multiple times a week. And they either make their skin crawl or make them feel beaten down constantly.
And ladies—it’s not just impacting our husbands. Think about what our sons are absorbing about themselves. We want a society of strong, capable men—but we raise boys who are told over and over again that they are worthy of ridicule. It is absolutely damaging and dangerous. For men, whose self-doubt is a deep and hidden characteristic, what we think of as throwaway comments can truly cause anguish. Our sons absorb these messages too, both spoken and unspoken.
There’s a better way.
A Little Kindness Goes A Long Way
In our society, kindness needs all the help it can get. One simple act can make a difference: when you see disrespect in a joke or comment, call it out. Speak up when you see male-bashing. And boost the signal when you see examples of men being praised and respected in the right way. Share commercials and videos that honor men, not tear them down.
For example, we recently shared a story about a group of men getting involved to improve the conditions at their local high school—a great example of men stepping up to lead with integrity. These are the kinds of depictions that accurately and respectfully honor the men around us who are not just doing their best, but doing good.
Let’s be honest: it is probably easier to be destructive than constructive. But making the real effort—and recognizing the work of others—can help reverse the tide of unintentional (and, unfortunately, sometimes intentional) disrespect toward men. And make us far more appreciative of our men and boys at the same time.
So let’s be the antidote to male-bashing in our culture by highlighting the praiseworthy behavior and examples of good, strong, wise men in our own corner of the world.
And if you are feeling a bit convicted about how you’ve been speaking to your husband or son (or about what others have been hearing you say), check out the 30-Day Kindness Challenge. It is one of the best methods we’ve ever seen for stopping bad verbal habits and building great ones—with statistically proven, life-changing results in the relationships of the people who participate.
This article was also published at Patheos.
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- How Kind Are You?
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- More Money Won’t Help Your Marriage – But These Habits Will
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- What Hollywood Gets Wrong about Sex– and What Couples Can Do Right
It is not only detrimental to men and to the sons of the mothers that do it, it is harmful to the women who commit this sin. And, make no mistake, it is Scripturally wrong. It is less a jest than the ladies would have us believe, and it has a cutting edge. A woman who disrespects her husband does violence to her relationship to him, and sabotages their marriage. It also damages the daughters, as well. I have heard women say that they will respect their husband if he deserves it. Is that what Ephesians 5 says? Does it tell husbands to love their wives if they deserve it?
So true. Thanks for reading and for sharing, Charlie.
Debbie Mason, Team Shaunti
As a single man in this country, the constant degradation of men in this society through the internet or through everyday life experiences takes a huge toll on me. I have always tried to treat women with respect and understanding throughout my life and may have faltered occasionally. No one is perfect and I have always tried to make up for it. I have never purposedly gone out and publicly bashed women especially on the internet. This constant male bashing has caused me to have trust issues towards women and even whether or not I was worthy of having a relationship with one. Because of this, I have become extremely depressed and suicidal at times due to loneliness. I know I have short comings as well that attribute to that depression. As a society, people don’t understand the mental problems for men that this can cause as it is rarely even acknowledged it exists and men will rarely bring it up. I appreciate you writing this article as it seems to be never discussed in such a manner.
This is the new norm apparently.
It’s perfectly healthy ,natural and funny when women hate on men. ie # menaretrash
Great message there ladies!
Yet if a man says anything derogatory, we are abusive,malicious,and chauvinistic.
Is this really what society is promoting? Seems so, from commercials to music,internet and even the supermarkets.
Women walk around 2/3 naked everywhere they go,inappropriate for the beach even. But heaven forbid a guy acts like a man once in a while,instead of a spineless sniffling sissy. Women don’t like masculine men that stand up for themselves,because they cant use and abuse us for generous gifts and walk all over us. I’m all for equally,a career woman, and someone that respects herself. However the female chauvinist ,manhater,feminist are just toxic. Yet they try to feel better about themselves by knocking men. Social media is toxic, even the news loves to spread the hate too. Men of 2022 should start hating on women in the same fashion, and see how they like it. Honestly ,as a pretty laid back non religious fifty something gen set ,I’m so repulsed by women of all ages , from 8 to 80, they are all berating and poison and drama queens. I don’t care if she’s naked, I wouldn’t give her a first glance, no thanks I’m jaded,scorned……..just appauled most days. Their disgusting demeanor turns me off,and I really couldnt imagine being in a relationship these days. All most of them care about is their phone and taking species all day lol how pathetic. Most of them are just seeking a sucker/sugar daddy to use until their zero left. That’s what their moms and the interest teaches them…….apparently?
Fwiw, I believe treating ppl with respect ,yields respect. Courtship today is like beating a dead horse ,futile.
In closing, if you have a good woman,you’re so lucky, because they are more elusive than unicorns. They hate on white men, yet worship black men, who are even more degrading to women….go figure. The brothers can have em all as far as I’m concerned.
Keep spreading the hate ladies, there’s got to be an app specifically for that. Right?
I’m sorry ladies, but this sort of thing has been going on for too, too long now for it ever to stop. There is a deep seated disrespect and possibly even hatred of men – all men in young women these days. Men are viewed as dangerous, disrespectful, untrustworthy, sex-driven, animals who need to be trained in a manner similar to dogs, through the giving of treats (sex) by the deeply perfect women in society.
No, I’m not angry. I’m sad. If you want to know how it feels to men, now you do.
And do you know what? I’m completely OK with this. Men and women talk past each other, neither listening to the other. The walls between the genders grow higher and higher.
I hear words from women, but all I take in is blah blah blah. You may be saying something loving and supportive, but the chances are far, far higher that you are saying something derogatory. I will go on with my life. Without you. Sorry about that.
Of course male bashing is harmful to men, but so is Shaunti’s habit of telling us constantly that men are fragile, needy and incapable of self restraint.