The 12 Days of Christmas Break: Connect with Your Kids This Holiday Season

Technically, the 12 Days of Christmas don’t start until Christmas Day. But for parents about to embark on the no-school, altered-schedule, too-much-travel, lots-of-sugar season (a.k.a. Christmas break), the holidays are coming in hot.

This year, let’s aim higher than barely scratching through the season with our sanity intact. Let’s purposefully use this time to create connection with our kids. There are endless ways to do this, but here’s a starter list I’m affectionately calling The 12 Days of Christmas Break:

Day 1: Talk about family traditions

Some family traditions are so set in stone that we’re ankle deep in the cement and don’t even realize it –much less examine other options. You and your sister and your kids always make hundreds of elaborately-decorated Christmas cookies together a few weeks before Christmas. This year, ask for your kids’ input. What traditions do they like or not like? What ideas do they have?

Try to withhold your opinions. (Cement, remember?) Instead use the time to listen. In my research for For Parents Only, we found that kids often stop talking because they perceive parents as rotten listeners. They’ll open up, however, when we’re safe. By listening to your kids’ thoughts on minor things, you’ll open the door for them to trust you with harder conversations.

Day 2: Set a peaceful tone at home

Most kids enjoy the Christmas season, but it can be stressful. The Christmas ballet dress rehearsal and the World History final and making Christmas cookies with Aunt Molly are all this Tuesday. And you have plenty going on, too! So do a few simple things to purposefully establish your home as a place for relaxation. Place soft, comfy blankets near the couch, dim the lights so that the Christmas tree lights are prominent, play holiday music, and be okay with the fact that your kids’ finals study sheets are still strewn all over the kitchen table when your sister arrives. Whatever makes sense in your space, give your kids the gift of a peaceful home.

Day 3: Watch what your kids watch

Whether your kids are into cartoons, Hallmark movies, sports, or something in-between, let them pick the show (within appropriate reason). Then sit and watch it with them—with your phone docked in a different room. This a great chance to unwind and connect. And if there are things that interest or concern you about the show’s content, use dinnertime, bedtime, or car time as an opportunity to discuss it.

Day 4: Do a side-by-side activity

Kids (especially boys) sometimes connect best with us when we’re side-by-side. So, think of a few activities that don’t involve face-to-face interaction—things like taking a walk, building Lego creations, or decorating the tree.

As they get older, this side-by-side approach will pay off in other ways, too. In my two-part blog series on “snowplow parenting” (a must-read if you tend to clear your kids’ paths of all pitfalls or inconveniences) I mentioned that experts recommend walking parallel to our kids. This means we share wisdom when needed, but we allow our kids to fumble and try.

Day 5: Let them invite friends

If you plan an outing such as a movie or bowling, ask your kids to invite a friend or two along. This is a great way to help them foster friendships, as well as learn more about your kids and their friends. As most of you figured out very early on, it’s amazing what you can learn in the driver’s seat of your car simply by listening to what they talk about and what’s important to them.

Day 6: Keep blank space in your schedule

It’s easy to over-engineer Christmas break. This year, try to leave plenty of margin. Block off entire days as “free days” for your kids to have autonomy over what they do.

When working on For Parents Only, we found that three out of four kids (especially teens) are strongly motivated to pursue freedom. In other words, freedom is what gets them up and going in the morning. So ensure they have some space and the ability to choose their own activities for a good portion of their break.

Day 7: Let your kids own their gift-giving

Speaking of freedom, give your kids full freedom to select gifts for others. If they’re younger, you can help by taking them to the store and guiding them toward thoughtful items, but if your child can drive, let them take full ownership.

Giving them some additional funds to work with is one thing, but actually buying gifts for them to give to others is actually snowplow parenting. Plus, it runs counter to any lessons you have been imparting about generosity or gratitude.

Day 8: Take a tech break

Have everyone—and that includes you!—put their phones in a basket for a specified amount of time. Then do something creative that doesn’t involve a screen, such as playing board games, making a gingerbread house, or taking gifts to your neighbors. Just be sure to let your family know about this plan ahead of time to avoid grouchy reactions in the moment! (After all, perhaps with that freedom we mentioned your son may have been right in the middle of a group text string with his friends, trying to plan a movie outing.)

Day 9: Go on a scavenger hunt—for joy

Inspired from a children’s book I wrote with my former senior editor Katie Kenny Phillips, called Let’s Find Joy, the basic idea here is to go sleuthing for joy during a season that can be stressful. For example, if you have younger kids, consider going on a scavenger hunt (at the river park, at the mall), where you collect or take pictures of things that show how creative and big God is. With each item, ask your kids to share what it says to them. For example, seeing the woman in the nurse’s scrubs out Christmas shopping reminds them of the time when God took care of them in the hospital.

While you’re at it, simply pick up a copy of Let’s Find Joy. Its pages are based on my women’s devotional Find Joy. Both books make great Christmas gifts and they reinforce the eight core principles that can help us all find joy in our uncertain world.

Day 10: Show kindness to others

Once we find joy, we want to spread it! One of the best ways to bond as a family is to spread joy to others. Look for ways to show kindness, such as serving at a homeless shelter or visiting shut-ins at a nursing home. Not only will you spend quality time with your kids, but you’ll model the impact of kindness.

Day 11: Serve together at your church

If your church has Christmas Eve or expanded weekend services for Christmas, sign up to serve together. Church attendance is much higher during this season, and that multiplies the need for servant-hearted helpers. So, find out where the needs are greatest, whether holding babies in the nursery or welcoming people at the door, and step in. Let your children pick if possible.

Day 12: Plan a 30-day kindness challenge

With the new year fast approaching, make plans as a family to start the year off right. Plan a 30-day kindness challenge together. My book, The Kindness Challenge, is also a great place to start for ideas—and the research behind them that makes them work. For a more at-a-glance approach, check out this guest blog adaptation of The Kindness Challenge for kids.

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So that’s it. A 12-day plan to connect with your kids over Christmas break. Try all twelve or focus on just one or two ideas that make sense for your family. Building stronger connections with our kids is a great Christmas present for everyone involved.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Amy Masaschi at [email protected]/.

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