Three Practical Ways to Encourage Boys and Men

For years, we’ve heard conversations about the challenges facing boys and men. The word “masculine”—once a positive—is often brandished as an insult. If Reddit and social media comment threads were the authority (thank goodness they’re not) we’d be left thinking that women would be happier without men in their lives at all.

This is such damaging messaging to the boys and young men in our lives! Thankfully, we can take practical actions in our homes, classrooms, and social circles to help young men thrive.

If you’d like to hear a whole discussion on this, tune in to the recent podcast Jeff and I recorded. In the meantime, read on to discover three important steps that can help the men—especially the young men—in your lives thrive.

1. Speak to Their Strengths, Not Just Their Struggles

Every child needs encouragement. And the type of encouragement that especially resonates with boys is when they hear that they are capable, needed, and valuable.

Many boys start a slide into believing they’re “not good at school” long before anyone realizes what’s happening. Sometimes it’s not a lack of ability—it’s simply that they learn differently. When those differences are misunderstood, boys can start to internalize the message that something is wrong with them.

The result? They often disengage from the very places where they feel unsuccessful.

One of my staff members’ sons is a great example of this. When math was split into two tracks at his small school, he was placed into the grade-level appropriate track. Did you catch that? He was right on target! But since some of his friends were placed in an accelerated group with higher grade-level students, the message he internalized was “you’re terrible at math.”

So, he believed it, and pulled back on trying because he didn’t think he was any good at it.

A few years later, his high school algebra teacher told him he was excellent at math—that his problem-solving ability was quick and his results were always spot-on. He burst through the front door after school and said, “Mom, I’m good at math!!” Hearing it helped him believe it.

What’s the takeaway? Verbalize what the boys in your home and life are doing well. Here’s a way to make this super practical: Make it a habit to notice and verbalize one strength to the boys and young men in your life every day.

For example:

• “I noticed how you stood up for that younger kid.”
• “You worked hard on that project.”
• “I’m proud of the way you kept trying.”
• “You have a gift for solving problems.”

Seriously, friends. I can remember being in a focus group years ago with several men as we white-boarded what affirmations from parents might especially speak to a boy—especially in the uncertain tween and teenage years. One of the men had to get his emotions under control as he shared how his parents had regularly shared things like that and how much it had shaped the course of his life.

2. Make Room for Different Ways of Learning and Growing

Not every boy is wired the same. Many benefit from movement, hands-on learning, and practical experience. A good question to ask in our classrooms and homes is: “How can I help this child succeed in the way they’re wired?”

Sometimes it’s as simple as:

• Giving opportunities to move while learning
• Breaking lessons into more active experiences
• Finding incentives that work with their strengths

One of my friends’ sons was a really (hyper)active young man in grade school. He was sure he was in for another “sit still” lecture one day when he was kept after class. To his delight, his P.E. teacher told him that every time he demonstrated focus during P.E., she would race him to the baseball field and back after class. Every time.

When asked by my friend why she took such a positive, proactive approach with her son, the teacher replied, “The world needs kids like him. He is a doer and a goer! He just needs help channeling his energy in the right direction.”

What an insightful teacher!

Here’s a thought to help this come alive in your homes and classrooms: Instead of measuring success by one path, help young men discover the path that best fits their gifts and strengths.

3. Be the Mentor You Wish You’d Had

One of the strongest themes from research and real life is the power of mentorship. For example, a study from the National Bureau of Economic Research found that students who formed natural mentoring relationships with teachers, coaches, or counselors, were 9.4% more likely to attend college. Another recent study from Big Brothers Big Sisters found that community-based mentoring resulted in elevated emotional behavioral, and academic health and performance.

And here’s the beautiful thing. Many young men (and young women for that matter) aren’t looking for someone with all the answers. They’re looking for someone who will simply show up.

An older adult who listens, asks questions, shares lessons learned, and believes in them truly can change the trajectory of a young person’s life. This doesn’t require a formal mentoring program or going through a curriculum or book.

You can:

• Invite a few younger men to dinner once a month
• Meet someone for coffee
• Coach a team
• Teach a class
• Volunteer with youth ministry
• Tutor kids after school

Often, the greatest gift isn’t advice. It’s presence. So, again, to make this practical, ask yourself: Is there a young man I could intentionally invest in this month?

A Small Investment Can Change a Life

Our culture often focuses on what’s wrong with boys and men. But we can all be part of forming what is right. Again, to hear more on this topic, listen in to Episode 45 (“What’s Happening to Our Boys and How You Can Help”) of I Wish You Could Hear This. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, coach, pastor, employer, grandparent, or neighbor, you have opportunities every day to communicate these powerful messages:

• You are doing a good job
• You have strengths
• I am here for you

These simple messages can help boys become confident, compassionate, resilient men. This may be one of the most important investments any of us can make.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Amy Masaschi at [email protected]/.

On our podcast, I Wish You Could Hear This, Jeff and I offer proven steps to help you thrive in your life, faith and relationships. In other words, we’ll offer the practical help you’ve grown accustomed to right here in this blog space.  You’ll take away specific steps that help you today. Listen, follow, and share with your friends on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify and other platforms.

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!