The Encouraging Secret that Will Transform Your Election Season – Part 2

Well, not surprisingly, there are intense feelings about the election. As was true in last week’s Part 1 of this two-part series, I am not going to tackle politics. We have enough of that whenever we look at the media or listen to our contrarian family member.

What I am going to do is remind us of the truth we demonstrated in Part 1: Despite what it looks like, we’re not as divided as we think. It’s not even close. (If you haven’t read Part 1, I highly recommend you take a look.)

Yet, since America seems so fractured, Christians have an incredible opportunity to be difference-makers: people who are catalysts for peace instead of division, people whose relationships reflect health instead of toxicity, people who, hopefully, look like Jesus and can draw others to Him.

I know not every blog reader is a person of faith, but in this article I’m going to speak bluntly to those of us who are. Because as grateful as I am to be a U.S. citizen, I believe we are commanded to act differently as those whose primary citizenship is actually in the kingdom of God. (See the beginning of Jesus’ most famous sermon, in Matthew 5.) Those actions will also help us thrive in our relationships, our workplaces, and our mental and emotional health.

So let’s build on Action Step #1 from last time (see most “others” as reasonable rather than radical), and look at four other action steps that will bring transformation.

Action Step #2: Get curious rather than critical

Now that we have seen the data on how much agreement we do have, we are armed with insider information that we can apply when testy political conversations come up. Remember that statistically we’re likely to share similar, privately held viewpoints with others in those conversations. And even if we don’t, it is highly likely that there are other points of convergence.

A powerful tool in today’s divided time is for each of us to see if we can find areas of interpersonal agreement with others—even when we do in fact disagree on policy.

One way to do this is to become more curious. See if you can get to the issue under the “policy position” by inviting others to share the values or fears that shaped their views. You may begin to see surprising areas of agreement. For example, you can probably understand and empathize with feeling fear of loss—even if the precise loss each of you fears is radically different and leads you to opposite policy conclusions.

Jesus loved those who were hard to love. We are to do the same. So as you interact with your opinionated neighbor, get curious about what is under the surface. Where possible, allow yourself to feel empathy for his or her feelings.

Another way you can disarm an “opponent” in a testy conversation is simply to be more kind. And that leads to my next tip.

Action Step #3: Restore perspective rather than perseverating (look it up!)

I was working on this blog on the airplane as Jeff and I were flying back from speaking at a marriage conference, and the woman next to me expressed interest. Turns out, she is a forensic psychologist and also maintains a busy clinical practice. Listen to her take on the importance of perspective:

“So many people are so incredibly anxious about ‘the other side’ winning, and truly are concerned that things will fall apart. It is important to get perspective. You are getting so wrapped up in twelve levels beyond you that you are losing sight of the fact that the outcome of the election, with very few exceptions, isn’t directly impacting you. Like, you can go buy milk whenever you want. If you can stop perseverating on the things that don’t impact you and just focus on what does impact you, you will do far better.”

I had to look up “perseverating.” I think we can agree that perspective is a better option!

Action Step #4: Extend grace rather than outrage

Outrage is everywhere right now. And before you think I’m reacting to the social media explosion from Tuesday’s election, where I’m really taking aim is our hearts.

Outrage has almost become theater—a spectacle designed to steer us into the extreme positions I wrote about last week.  But it’s not just about the big societal things. Whether we’re reacting to an opening ceremony at the Olympics, losing our minds over political partisanship, or complaining over a lunch date with friends about the “latest stunt” our husband pulled, a steady expression of outrage hurts our relationships, our hearts, and most devastatingly, our Christian witness. In fact, studies show that outrage is a contagion. As one piece in Psychology Today put it, anger is more contagious than joy. Yikes.

There is an antidote to outrage: It’s grace.

For followers of Christ, grace is not only the antidote to outrage; it’s the very way of Jesus. We might be smart to take a WWJD approach and look at His grace-to-outrage ratio. A quick word search for grace reveals 114 uses in the New Testament. The number of times Jesus flipped tables was two. That’s a pretty good formula for us.

To my shame, I realize that too often I do not extend grace the way Jesus did. Subconsciously, I’d rather make clear where I think someone is wrong rather than trying to find commonalities and be grace-filled with the differences. That means, at times, even letting things go that I view as incredibly important for the sake of maintaining the relationship or the mental and emotional health of all involved. It also means something else.

Action Step #5: Filter your comments as an “ambassador” rather than an “activist”

As noted above, followers of Christ can be passionate citizens of an earthly country. But we are first and foremost to live as citizens of heaven.

In this excellent piece from Randy Alcorn on Patheos, we are reminded that outrage is not a core value of Christianity. When we allow it to be, it’s time to ask ourselves a question: What kind of ambassador am I being for Christ? Does the wording of this social media comment reflect the character of Jesus? The fruit of the Spirit? Is it more likely to draw people to Jesus than push them away? If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” we may need to grapple with our job description that we are first and foremost His ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20).

I echo Randy’s suggestion that if we walked away from outrage and online disputes and poured that energy instead into building each other up (I Thessalonians 5:11), washing feet, serving those in need, spreading hope, and worshipping God, the result would undoubtedly be a more attractive portrayal of Christlikeness to the world (not to mention the good we would actually do in the world).

This is also so true in our homes. When we look for the most generous explanation possible of our spouse’s actions, when we season our family conversations with grace, and when we remember to treat our family members with the same grace we’d like to receive, we demonstrate the very power of the gospel to those closest to us.

Some of this is literally about being kind, no matter what. Most longtime blog readers will be familiar with The Kindness Challenge, and how our empirically-tested 30-Day Kindness Challenge wakes us up to the ways we haven’t been as kind as we thought and improves our outlook and our relationships. Our election-season version, called Kindness 2024, will be just as helpful now that election day is behind us—and may really come in clutch for some of our post-election holiday get-togethers.

*Hope rises when we embrace the possibility that we are not as divided as it looks. When we lean toward grace rather than outrage. When we act like devoted citizens who know where our primary citizenship rests. I pray all of us will carry that hope with us and share it with others, as we try to walk through this season well.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at [email protected].

Transform Your Relationships with Kindness! Join the 30-Day Kindness Challenge and Embrace the Power of Positivity. Watch as Kindness Strengthens Your Connections and Creates Lasting Bonds.

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