How do I talk to my husband about how important it is to me that he put an effort into his appearance?
In For Men Only, Jeff and Shaunti explain how important it is to men that their wives keep up their appearance. However, we get many comments from women on how they can speak to their husbands about their health, weight issues and appearance. Recently, Shaunti was a guest on the Focus on the Family webcast and here is the answer that was given by Shaunti, Dr. Bill Maier and Dr. Julie Slattery.
This is a delicate issue with men as well. You should start with an affirmation of love. Say something like, “I love you so much, I want you to be around for a long time. I’m concerned and want to help you loose weight, why don’t we find an activity we can do together. Maybe go for walks or ride bikes. It is important not to come across as nagging or criticizing but be sincere in your desire to want to help. Another idea is to make sure the snacks and foods that you keep around the house are healthy.
Be sure that you don’t let a minor issue become something major in the relationship. I understand the tendency to withdraw because of lack of desire. But sometimes you have to “do it until you feel it.” In other words, let your actions lead your emotions instead of visa versa.
Even though men are wired more visually, sometimes the roles are reversed in that area. The husband, because of his lack of importance on the issues of health, hygiene and lack of discipline, begins to disgust her. Try to find a good Christian book on sex (Charles and Frances Hunter have some good ones) and read the book together. Begin to discuss the aspects of your marriage. Start asking him questions like, “what are you concerned about in our relationship.” And then share your concerns as well. This way it won’t be perceived as criticism. You can say something like, “I want to work toward meeting your needs, and I would like for you to consider working toward meeting my needs.”
Dr. Bill Maier hosts the national “Weekend Magazine” radio program and the “Family Minute with Dr. Bill Maier.” He frequently fills in for Dr. James Dobson on the “Focus on the Family” daily broadcast and hosts Focus’ television feature, which airs on local TV newscasts across thecountry. He also acts as a media spokesperson for Focus on a variety of family?related issues.
Dr. Julianna (Juli) Slattery is a Christian psychologist, speaker, wife and mother. She serves as Family Psychologist at Focus on the Family and as an adjunct professor of Marriage and Family Studies with the Focus on the Family Institute.