30 Days and Counting….

For all current information about The 30-Day Kindness Challenge, including Shaunti’s new book The Kindness Challenge, please click here.

So today is a big day for some of us. It is Valentine’s Day… and for those who have been doing the 30-Day Kindness Challenge it is also Day 30!

For those of you who were planning on a gift journal… do you have it ready as your Valentine’s Day present? Putting all your affirming comments in print will be one of the greatest gifts you could give your spouse!

But even more important… how’d you do?

Whether or not you’ve been officially doing the Challenge, let’s take stock of our patterns of word and action in the last month. Let’s look at these three statements and ask ourselves: how well do they “fit” my last 30 days?

• I have said nothing negative to or about my spouse (either to them or about them to someone else!)
• I have found at least one thing every day that I can affirm or appreciate about my spouse, and each day I have talked about those positive actions or qualities to both my spouse and at least one other person.
• I have done one small act of kindness or generosity for my spouse each day.

Let’s be honest: when we look at the list like that, it can seem daunting… but ultimately, most of these statements should actually be the lifestyle we aim to live! They should reflect at least the basic pattern of our words and actions, not a white-knuckled effort. A lifestyle and a pattern that evidences the same sort of kindness, affirmation, and grace we would want shown to us. Sure, the “say nothing negative for 30 days” is a big short-term action to jolt our thinking onto a different track – but we also want to stay on that new track as much as possible, right?

So how do we keep it going? How do we build a lifestyle?   Well, in everything from my corporate events to my women’s Bible Studies, I’ve seen that when we’re working on trying something new – when trying to master a new pattern, a new thought process, a new skill – it is so critical to look at how we’ve done… and make plans for how we’ll do in the future. And it is just as important to give ourselves credit for where we’ve done well, as to look at what we – er – could have done differently.

So how’d we do? I’ll go first.

I have had a lot of practice at the “telling my husband what I appreciate about him” and “not being negative” side of things, since I started trying to learn that about 10 years ago, in the first few years of seeing the research on how crucial that is. So I did okay on that. Most of the time.

But on a few other items on the list, I must admit… I’m flinching.

There were a few difficult days in there where I just might (possibly, maybe) have given short shrift to the “talk about how wonderful he is” angle. Even though my husband is wonderful. (Can I make up for it now?!)

And I hate to admit this out loud (so to speak) but there were other days where I absolutely, completely forgot entirely. I flopped into bed at the end of a long day, only to realize: I did not do one purposeful thing to be kind to my husband today. I didn’t say anything negative, and I’m sure I said something positive… but it wasn’t because I was thinking about it. I need a much, much better system for reminders. Because my husband is worth it. Our relationship is worth it. And if I’m not purposeful, I know myself well enough to know that inertia will take over.

How about you?   What did you do well… and what do you most need to work on? Did you find it easy to praise your wife each day but difficult to come up with an act of kindness? Did you realize it was easy to stop yourself from screeching at your husband – but a lot harder to stop yourself from complaining about him to your co-worker later?

Whatever it is that you come up with… write it down in your own personal journal. Make a commitment to yourself, and to God, about what you’ll try not just for 30 days… but as a lifestyle. And then keep track of how you do! Perhaps enlist a friend and keep going. You’ve already built some great habits, so keep ‘em up! You’ll find that a lifestyle of kindness, positivity and grace is worth every bit of effort it takes to get there!