Have you ever noticed how your little boy won’t want you to do something for him and he says, “No Mommy I want to do it myself.” Believe it or not this is a need that doesn’t go away for men when they get older, and in particular, a man deeply needs the woman he loves to let him figure things out for himself. If they can do that, they feel like they have conquered something and are affirmed as men. This is one reason so many men don’t use the instructions when they put something together. Some men have more of a natural bent towards figuring out how things work, but all men want to at least try without being ridiculed if it doesn’t turn out quite like the picture. When was the last time you suggested your husband stop for directions when the GPS wasn’t working, or get advice from some other man? Recently we had our annual problem of yellow jackets building their nest in the ground near our sidewalk where people could easily get stung. While my husband had successfully taken care of this problem in the past, this time the nest was in a rock wall around a large tree. Since the hole was more difficult to access to trap the bees inside once the poison was poured into the hole, I suggested we call an exterminator to tell us how to do this. He just ignored me and continued to deliberate on the various strategies of annihilation he had been considering. Clearly I had expressed my lack of confidence in his ability to conquer the bees even after a 12 year success rate. I quickly realized the sting to his esteem by my comment was as painful as the bee sting he was trying to avoid. Observing the clue of feeling disrespected (ignoring my comment), I started affirming his suggestions and when this brave man of mine executed his plan with victory, I thanked him for bravely protecting us from harm with his ingenious plan. Thankfully it wasn’t too late and this time I was able to replace my sting of disrespect with “pleasant words, [which] are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Prov 16:24.
Written by Linda Crews, Staff and Operations Director for Shaunti Feldhahn
Taken from For Women Only, Chapter 2 “Your Love is Not Enough”
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