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This Is What Makes Your Man Vulnerable—Be Aware And Take Care!
An iceberg is typically 90% below the surface, with only 10% visible. Does your man ever seem like that iceberg, with so much hiding under the surface compared to the small portion you can actually see? Like many men, he probably doesn’t volunteer a whole lot about what he’s thinking and feeling deep down. So […]
What Happens When God Interrupts Us In The Midst Of Our Stress?
We’re heading into that crazy busy time of year known as the holiday season. And according to the store decorations, the holiday music on the radio, and multiple social media posts of friends putting up their trees before Thanksgiving, we’re already there! For a lot of us, though, we’re just not ready for the holidays […]
Part 4 — Your Husband Just Lost His Job: How to Respond
As we venture through this time of uncertainty, I hope this series has been helpful. In Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3, we looked at the intense emotions that our man may not show if he’s lost his job, but that are very real, and what to do as we start the journey. In […]
Part 3: Your Husband Just Lost His Job: How to Respond
In Part 1 we shared the surprising (shocking!) emotional factor at work inside most men that every wife needs to know—especially when he is facing a job loss (or worried about one). In Part 2, we shared several crucial actions to take at the outset of this new journey. In this Part 3 we’ll talk […]
Part 2: Your Husband Just Lost His Job: How to Respond
We are facing the greatest time of economic uncertainty in almost 100 years. Our world has experienced many layoffs, and it is entirely possible that many more are coming. Although everyone is negatively impacted by a job loss, many women don’t recognize a crucial truth about how it hits men in particular. And yet we […]
Let Your Husband Delight in Seeing You in All Your Glory
We recently posted an article offering guidance to men who feel frustrated because their wife is shy about letting him see her body. What they most want to view—what they were intended to see—is the beauty of their wife’s body. And when she avoids being seen by him, it creates frustration on his part. So […]
A Big Announcement From Shaunti!
Hey everybody! I want to announce something very exciting that we have been working on for a year now. This new project is the culmination of months of work and partnership with my friends at FamilyLife. I love drumrolls so . . . drumroll please! We are launching a new podcast called “Questions Every Wife […]
The Two Words Your Husband Really Needs to Hear: Thank You
After another heated argument, Josh and Hannah came back together with calmer attitudes to sort out what was going on. Lately they had been getting irritated with each other and they wanted to figure out why. Josh had been saying that Hannah doesn’t appreciate him, and she fiercely disagrees with that. But he says she […]
Make His Day By Doing This In the Bedroom
What would you say if I told you that you could do one thing tonight in the bedroom for your husband that would most likely MAKE HIS DAY (or week or month)? Keep the lights on during sex. Did I just hear a collective gasp out there from women who are cringing at the […]
Support Your Husband in His Battle Against Visual Temptation
It seems like we’re being bombarded on a daily basis with suggestive images everywhere we turn—TV commercials, magazine ads, mainstream websites, and online marketing. It’s hard to even watch a TV show without being confronted with images that border on pornography. One time, when a friend was watching TV with her husband and a Victoria’s […]
My Secret Project is Finally Here! And Just In Time For Christmas!
I’ve been working on a special project and it’s finally here—just in time for Christmas, or those New Year’s Resolutions! Introducing the Find Rest Journal! This artistic journal is so beautiful that I think I literally squealed when I first saw it. (Embarrassing, I know!) It has truly lie-flat pages for easy writing, filled with […]
Male-Bashing: It’s All In Good Fun. Right?
Our staff meets weekly at a local cafe. I love the breakfast food, the kind servers, and the familiarity of our home office away from home. Recently, though, I saw this new sign posted near the back wall to help customers find the bathrooms … and my heart sank. It seemed funny, at first. Then […]
How Your Husband Feels When You’re Too Tired For Sex
As Leslie settled into bed, more than ready for a good night’s sleep, Todd walked into the bedroom and gave her “the look” she knew so well—the sly grin and twinkle in his eye that meant he had romance on his mind. Leslie tried not to let a sigh slip out. After running afternoon carpool, […]
Want to Offer Your Husband Business Advice? Proceed With Caution
Wives, how much input do you think you should have in your husband’s work endeavors? I recently heard from a woman whose husband runs his own construction business, and even though he’s in charge she says it really does feel like “their” business in most ways. She used to be in the industry, so she […]
Why your man checks out and shuts down
Recently I wrote “This is what inadequacy feels like to your man” to pull back the curtain on some deep male emotions – and help women see that seemingly “minor” things can trigger painful feelings in our men. But the next step of understanding is just as important. So let me ask you a question: Have you […]
When You Criticize and He Withdraws, This is What’s Really Happening
According to Deborah, her husband Marcus has an anger problem, and she doesn’t know how to handle it. They’ve always had “intense discussions,” but lately he’s been getting furious and walking away. As she tells it, they recently got into a fight on their way out of a restaurant, just because she told him that […]
This is what inadequacy feels like to your man
For a moment, I’d like you to picture a mortifying scenario that may or may not have actually happened recently. Imagine that you’re an author and public speaker. Imagine that, hypothetically, you’ve spent fifteen years uncovering ‘aha moments’ about relationships – and that your audiences are usually quite engaged and interested as a result. You […]
Your Husband Wants You To Know THIS About Your Sex Life
There’s probably something your husband desperately wants you to know about your sex life. Drum roll please! The next time you are intimate with your husband, he’d like you to . . . keep the lights on. Yes, you heard me right! I know the idea is scary for many women but hear me out. […]
One Great Antidote When You’re Feeling Stressed
First of all—I’ve got great news! My newest book, Find Rest: A Women’s Devotional For Lasting Peace in a Busy Life, is back in stock on Amazon! We had such a good response that it went temporarily out of stock until we could get another shipment in. (Click here if you would like to order […]
Grumpy Husband at the End of the Day? Here’s How to Change That
When your husband walks through the door at the end of the day, is he more like Prince Charming from Cinderella or Grumpy from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs? If your answer is “definitely Grumpy!” you’re not alone. Most married couples spend busy days apart, no matter what their jobs are and whether they […]
What he’s thinking when you frown
After speaking at some awesome women’s events recently (shout out to the ASPIRE women’s conference tour!), I was going through security at a Florida airport when I saw a real-life example of a truth about men. There were two grade-school children, a pretty wife with a frown, and a discouraged husband in the security line […]
When You Think Your Husband Is Overreacting . . . Again
“If I had heard this a few years ago, I wouldn’t be divorced today.” I can’t tell you how often I have heard that phrase. At my speaking engagements I frequently have people tell me how much they wish they hadn’t had to learn some key relationship lessons the hard way—through the pain and loss […]
A Tip for Finding Rest No Matter Where You Are
We are SO EXCITED that the launch date for Find Rest: A Women’s Devotional for Lasting Peace in a Busy Life is finally here! It’s been a stressful couple of weeks (see previous blog post about Shaunti’s dad in the hospital), but through it all, we have seen God’s faithfulness. We know His goodness passes […]
Big Announcement from Shaunti: Pre-order Her New Book!
I have something exciting to share! I’ve been working on a very personal project unlike anything I’ve done before, and it’s about to make its way into the world on March 26. Drum roll please…
4 Ways to Help Your Husband Up His Romantic Game
My friend Michelle once told me about a Valentine’s Day a couple years ago when her husband’s less-than-romantic gift left her feeling a bit hurt. She was hoping for flowers and a date night out. You know what the gift was? A vacuum! While I am sure he meant well because they needed a vacuum, […]
3 Reasons You Should NOT Gossip About Your Husband (and One Reason You Should!)
Not long ago I was in another city at a women’s event and heard a group of women near me talking over lunch: Friend 1: “Tyler has been working so late, I never see him anymore. He’s only there for sleep and sex.” Friend 2: “Girl, you don’t have to take that. I told Nate […]
2 Reasons Why Your Man Hates Conflict
Women sometimes feel like the only reason men walk away is that they are angry with us and simply don’t want to talk because of that. We couldn’t be more wrong.
Transform Your Relationship With This One Simple Rule
As a child, each of us was told, “You’ve got to learn to think before you speak.” But I’ve seen we need to refine that edict if we want a great marriage: we’ve got to learn to think before we blurt! And it turns out that those of us who happen to be of the […]
3 Surprising Reasons to Initiate Sex With Your Man
Although this article is for women, I’m sure some astonished men are looking in, and asking, “What do you mean why you should initiate sex?!” To guys, the answer is completely obvious! It reminds me of that line from the movie City Slickers when Billy Crystal’s character tells his friend, “Women need a reason to […]
Want More Romance? The 4 Things That Should Be On Your “Don’t Do” List
Who doesn’t love a good “To Do” list? I make them for everything…chores around the house, work related projects, doctor’s appointments — even things to put on future “To Do” lists! (Yes, I know that is a bit OCD…) But what about a “Don’t Do” list? (I vote for “Don’t clean the toilets” on mine!) […]
How to Respect Your Husband When You Really Don’t Trust Him
Dear Shaunti, I recently read For Women Only and I now realize how important it is for my husband to know I respect him – which I do. But I come from a long line of “strong women” (as my dad puts it) and none of us is afraid to voice an opinion. Including telling our husbands […]
The Shock Value of the Competent Dad
I remember a couple of years ago around Mother’s Day, Jeff and I were watching television one night when we saw a commercial for Publix, one of the big grocery-store chains in our area. The television ad showed several scenes of different men in different houses, secretly helping their kids cook breakfast for Mom, and […]
Husband-Speak: How to Transform His World With Your Words
Imagine a springtime shower without the gentle sound of rain. Or a baseball game without that CRACK of the bat. Or imagine a world where children smile but don’t laugh, friends wave but don’t speak, dogs don’t bark and birds don’t sing. A world without all that would seem flat and weird and strangely empty, […]
Make Sure Your Man Is One Of The 25%
Ladies, do you love your husband, but find yourself regularly irritated by that little thing that he does? He’s a great guy and all, but Ugh! If he would only stop parking in the mud when he takes the kids to the ball practice. Or fold the laundry instead of just pulling it out of […]
The Secret to Living With Purpose Every Day
As a busy analyst, author, and speaker my days are full so it can be easy to lose track of time. As a wife to my husband, Jeff and a mom to our two great kids, I have to protect my precious time and be careful not to let it flash before my eyes. My […]
How to Regain His Love and Restore Your Relationship
Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been married 5 years and I love him, but we’ve been arguing a lot lately. We both work a lot and have two children, so we spend a good bit of time apart. I tend to be a control freak and, as my husband says, I panic if something […]
Make Your Husband Happy With the Next-Day Rule
Ladies, imagine that as part of your dream job or volunteer work, you are offered a project that is really exciting, and could also earn you a very welcome financial bonus. You step up to do it. Eager to please your boss, you spend long weeks binge-drinking caramel macchiatos, getting little sleep, and pouring your […]
4 Secrets in Your Man’s Heart (That You Need to Know)
Ladies, if you could improve your relationship with your man by applying a few simple truths, would you? Seriously: think about that question. Because I’ve found in my research with thousands of men for For Women Only, that the things that light your man up — and which hurt him — are probably quite different […]
When He Denies Needing Your Help, Here's Why
Ladies, has your man ever refused to admit that he should go see a doctor or claimed that he knows where he’s going when he is clearly lost? He’s not alone. A man will typically insist that “he’s fine,” that “it’s all good,” that he “doesn’t need help”—even when we might just insist otherwise. My […]
5 Reasons To Leave The Lights On For Sex
Yes, the idea is scary for many women! But in my years of social research, I have uncovered many truths that men wish we knew, but they don’t know how to tell us. And, I heard the heart behind this wish – and discovered five surprising reasons to take the risk. Reason #1: When he […]
Sex and Men's True Hidden Desire
Wives, does your husband want sex…again? It’s not just a physical need — it’s also about emotions. Here are three things he’s not saying out loud when he comes to you for sex: 1. “I need to feel desirable.” We women may think sex is just a physical need for a guy, but that’s not most […]
The Guaranteed Cure for “Grumpy Guy” Syndrome
He’s an involved dad. He’s respected at church. People come to him for advice. He’s an all-around great guy but more and more often he seems to transform into “Mister Grumpy” when he gets home. Either small things seem to upset him, or he easily becomes withdrawn – or both. Wish there was a prescription […]
The secret to being a wife he adores
In the research for For Women Only and The Kindness Challenge, I’ve seen an overlooked, seemingly old-fashioned secret. If you want to be a wife that your husband adores, practice using an affirming tone and eliminating a contentious one. Tweet this: “If you want to be a wife that your husband adores, practice using an […]
3 Things Underneath Your Husband's Desire for Sex
Your husband wants sex? 3 things he’s not saying out loud: 1. “I need to feel desirable.” We women may think sex is just a physical need for a guy, but that’s not most of what is going on. When his wife responds to him – or initiates it herself! – it meets a deep emotional need […]
3 Essential Things You Need to Know About A Man’s Brain
The funniest movie moment I saw last summer comes at the very end of Inside Out, as the main preteen girl character talks to a preteen boy at a hockey rink. We’ve been seeing inside her head the whole movie, but instantly the camera zooms out of her brain and into his…. where his mental control room […]
Finally Kill the Never-Ending Cycle of the Grumpy Husband – Forever
Dear Shaunti: My husband is an involved dad, a leader at our church, the type of guy people look to for advice, and he goes over and above his requirements on the job. But he is often grumpy and withdrawn at home. He gets upset at the littlest things I say. He seems to think […]
What NOT to say to your man – ever.
Ladies, if there were a reality TV show like “What NOT to Wear,” but for relationships, these three things would be at the top of the list for “What NOT to say to your man.” Now, don’t get me wrong; I’ve actually said all these things at one point! You’ve probably said them, too. And […]
This particular feeling is EXCRUCIATING for men
Dear Shaunti: My husband is great at many things, but sometimes he struggles with getting a new task accomplished. Like, he’s great at carpentry, but it might take him two or three days to figure out how to create a new type of bookcase I want for the kids’ bedroom. But when I offer an […]
3 ways viewing porn harms your wife
Men, in more than a dozen years of research about how guys privately think about things like sex and porn use, I’ve seen a striking pattern. Although nearly all men are visually tempted today, and many hate and struggle against the temptation, most of those same men also think of it as a private thing […]
Husband acting grumpy and withdrawn? You can change that!
Ladies, does your man seem to be doing everything right outside of the house, but at home he is often grumpy and withdrawn? Does he seem to be pleasant to everyone but you? Does he get upset over the littlest things you do and say? Do you feel like you are being ignored? If you […]