3 Simple Ways to Be Kind this Christmas

Whether you’re hopping on a plane or hosting a houseful of people next week, it’s good to take a minute to think ahead about bringing kindness into our Christmas celebrations.

Although Christmas can sometimes bring heartache (for example, if we have suffered loss), in general most of us find it to be a beautiful season, full of love, laughter, and time together. But think for a moment about the less-magical moments that also occur: the inevitability of disrupted schedules, added sugar, late nights, financial strain, stress from last-minute shopping and shipping, and precarious conversations around “why you’re not married yet” or “why political party X does the things they do.”

This combination of overstimulation and oversensitivity can lead to unexpected flashes of us being anything but kind—followed by regret at the impact on a family dinner, game night, present exchange, or movie night out.

There’s a better way.

From the research for my book The Kindness Challenge, and using real-life, recent Christmas-season examples shared by members of my team, here are three practical ways we can plan to treat those around us with kindness this Christmas—emerging healthier, happier, and slightly more sane.

Kindness step #1: Give up something you’d like to have instead of protecting it.

Sacrificing something that matters to you is a selfless (and mature) act of kindness. Maybe you pass on the last slice of prime rib because your sister is behind you at the buffet and she’s been looking forward to that all day. Perhaps you sacrifice the cash you’ve been saving toward a personal purchase and take the family ice skating instead. Or maybe you give up that most precious of commodities—sleep. One woman on my team has a new puppy and has been extraordinarily busy, but she has been choosing to get up early with the ridiculously energetic little pup so that her also-very-tired husband can get some sleep.

When we operate from a less self-protective, or “grabby” place and instead live and give generously, we discover something important. Contentment.

We often cite the “I can do all things through Christ,” verse in scripture as if it applies to anything we want to set our minds to, like weight loss or meeting a work deadline. But it was never meant to be quoted separately from what comes before. Look at Philippians 4:12-13 in the NIV:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

It’s Christ who gives us the strength to be content! We can give up the best seat at the table because that’s what Jesus did. We can wash feet or go out of our way because … that’s what Jesus did! And when we watch true delight flash across the other person’s face, we’ll realize we’re simply behaving like Jesus. With kindness.

Kindness step #2: Be more available with your time.

Christmas is one of those seasons where every minute is spoken for—and yet we have unexpected opportunities for special times with loved ones. We have to plan to be willing to set some things aside in order to grab those times.

One of my staff members has a son whose love language is quality time. Intentional time spent in conversation or doing a fun activity he loves lights him up and makes him feel loved. And she describes herself as go-go-go, often multitasking. Yet, she has learned that something precious happens if she slows down, gets a right perspective about “her time,” and gives him her full attention—especially during the more reflective Christmas season. Suddenly, he opens up about things that she otherwise would miss. But, again, she has to think ahead about creating that space.

Being generous with our time is a practical way we can lean toward others with kindness. Yes, boundaries are important. And no, I would never suggest that your run yourself ragged without any margin for your own spiritual, emotional, and physical health. But sometimes, simply being more available is the ingredient that makes us more happy.

Here’s what I mean: In our survey for The Kindness Challenge, we asked those in romantic relationships if, in general, they dropped personal activities or rearranged what they were planning to do, for their partner. We asked this both before and after they took The Thirty-Day Kindness Challenge. Before taking the challenge 46% said yes, but the number grew to nearly three in four (73%) after they took the challenge. Of that group, an incredible 84% said they were happy in marriage, compared with only 5% who said they were not.

Sometimes, kindness simply looks like exchanging a bit of “our time” in favor of giving quality time to others.

Kindness step #3: Don’t respond “in kind” to unkindness.

As mentioned, the holidays can be magical as they bring together family members that don’t routinely get to connect. But … what if some of those family members get on your last nerve? What if the family gathering also surfaces unflattering stories or unhelpful communication patterns that make us want to pull our hair out?

This year, come in to your family gathering already thinking about how you’ll let that stuff pass you by.

Proverbs 26:20 wisely reminds us “Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down.”

So, resolve to be gentle with others. Extend grace. Forgive a hurt. Don’t add wood to the fire. Let the implied insult pass for the greater good of peace. Not only do these biblical principles hold the power to make us like the One who’s birth we’re celebrating, but in the process, we’ll find that being kind in this way actually sets us free from bitterness and resentment.

As I mentioned in The Kindness Challenge, true servant leaders have found that one of the tricks to leading well is having a soft heart and thick skin. This is a good aim for us this holiday season—and all year round.

If you appreciate the principles you’ve read today, pick up a copy of The Kindness Challenge. It holds proven, doable steps—just like today’s—that can improve any relationship in just thirty days. Imagine what it would be like to start the new year with a better relationship with your spouse, your sister, or even your thorny co-worker.

Make a real New Year’s resolution that sticks. Grab your copy today.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at [email protected].

On our podcast, I Wish You Could Hear This, Jeff and I offer proven steps to help you thrive in your life, faith and relationships. In other words, we’ll offer the practical help you’ve grown accustomed to right here in this blog space.  You’ll take away specific steps that help you today. Listen, follow, and share with your friends on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify and other platforms.

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