What Parents Need to Know About College Kids and Mental Health (Part 1)

ByShaunti Feldhahn

I am delighted this week to introduce you to my Executive Assistant Amy Masaschi, who has written a courageous piece about navigating her college freshman’s anxiety and depression last year. I’ll follow up next week with statistics every college parent needs to know – plus steps to take if your college student is slipping into an uncharacteristic depression or anxiety.

By Amy Masaschi

My son’s path to college was every bit as exciting as I had hoped it would be. A throwback to my own adventure-seeking college tour during my senior year of high school, his enthusiasm over campus visits almost made me want to relive four of the best years of my life.

Because that’s what they are for all college students, right? Four of the best years?

Quiet-spirited, easy-going, and adventurous, our son was ready to go to college. We even held him back in elementary school so that he would be 19, with an extra year of maturity under his belt, when he left.

After a pretty thorough college search, he landed on my alma mater—a mere 2.5 hours away from home. I couldn’t have written a better narrative.

A few days after we dropped him off, my husband checked on him. In response to his simple “How’s it going?” question, my husband got one word.

“Alright.”

We didn’t expect shouts of joy and reveille (for those of you who don’t have boys, one- or two-word answers are the norm). But we would have loved to have heard “It’s great” or at least “Good.”

We said we’d check in again in a few days once classes began.

At the next check-in, he was “just okay.” And then during our next conversation, at an overnight freshman retreat, our son sounded uncharacteristically uneasy and anxious. We chalked it up as just being sleep-deprived and overwhelmed with the intensity of college classes. But as the weeks went on, things didn’t improve.

One month after we dropped him off, we headed back for Parent’s Weekend. That weekend was the lowest I had ever seen him. His anxiety was palpable. He was experiencing panic attacks and depression.

He had experienced a bout of anxiety when he switched elementary schools, but we had been vigilant since then—especially when he transitioned from middle school to high school. He had made that adjustment seamlessly, excelling academically, joining the cross country and track teams, and making friends. Now, in college, he didn’t even seem like the same kid we dropped off four weeks earlier.

I still wasn’t fully grasping that all this was really happening.

An unexpected transition

Anxiety and depression were not on our radars. But we cobbled together enough clues to start doing our research. We invited friends to pray for our son—and for wisdom for us.

We also called multiple friends who had connections to health professionals. Our son also made appointments to see the campus counselor and physician, who prescribed him medication. They were helpful, but he needed more. Thankfully, our friend who sits on the board of a local non-profit medical center got him an appointment with a psychiatrist there.

Unsure whether low doses of new medications were making a difference, my husband drove over to take our son back to the psychiatrist. By day’s end we finally had a real grasp on the situation rather than depending on scattered and confusing clues. We knew our son needed to come back home to get the help he needed to heal.

What transpired over the next week was a gift from God. Although we were completely shell-shocked by the circumstances, God continued to support us through friends who provided godly advice and prayer. And He kindly orchestrated events that led us to a psychiatrist and psychologist in our hometown who, together, prescribed new medications at therapeutic doses.

We started that week not knowing where to begin and ended the week with a measure of hope that we were on the right path.

Letting go … again

Once home, our son was on an emotional roller coaster of a different kind. He missed his friends and wanted to get back to school as soon as possible.

We didn’t know the playbook for this—does any parent know the playbook for this? Would going back be helpful? Or would he experience more debilitating anxiety? Since we felt confident that he was now able to get the support he needed, and since we had confirmed the medications were right for him (we ended up doing a DNA test to confirm this and it was spot-on), we decided to let him go.

My husband took him back and stayed until he began to feel better. As the medications started to take effect and with therapy sessions underway, our son slowly returned to himself. We continued to check in with him daily and were so relieved to see him finally begin to enjoy the college experience we knew he was meant for.

I am happy to report that my son successfully finished his freshman year and is now thriving back on campus for his second year.

Four steps to consider today

We learned so much about our son in this process. We also took a crash course on mental health! For those who recently sent your kids off to college (or back to college), here are a few things I wholeheartedly encourage you to consider:

  1. If your child has struggled with any level of anxiety, depression or self-harm in the past, don’t assume they are fine. The transition to college is a major physical and emotional change and can awaken those feelings. Don’t be afraid to have those conversations with them.
  2. Check in with your child frequently in the early weeks and months. They may be annoyed with you, but the more frequently you check in, the sooner you will know if something is off.
  3. If the college offers free mental health sessions, or if a school Christian fellowship group offers connections to pastoral counseling, encourage your student to use those resources, even if they seem fine. Many of the universities we visited offered some form of counseling as part of the tuition.
  4. If your child is experiencing mental health struggles or has in the past, ask the college if they have accommodations (equivalent to a 504 or IEP in high school) and sign up for them (or be aware of how to do so quickly). My son’s university has this option, and we did not think we needed it until we did. Thankfully his professors let him work remotely, but had we signed up for accommodations sooner, he would have had the ability to make up schoolwork and tests he missed while at home without penalty.

These are hard things to consider! No one wants to drop their child off at college knowing the address of the behavioral health office, or exploring how to apply for accommodations. As parents, we want to see our children thrive in college, and every next chapter.

But college is a huge adjustment. And the more we can stay tuned in to our college kids’ emotional and behavioral health needs, the more we can set them up for success with what God has called them to do in the future.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring these life-changing truths to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at [email protected]

Explore further resources and teachings from Shaunti’s research, aligned with biblical truths at Shaunti.com

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