When Your Prayers for Your Kids Feel Like They’re Hitting the Ceiling

Have you ever called out to God in the hard moments of parenting and wondered if He’s really listening? This week’s guest blog from Author Rachel Wojo will help you consider fresh ways to persevere in prayer, even in the darkest valleys. I’m grateful for her profound insight, and you will be, too. ~ Shaunti

When Your Prayers for Your Kids Feel Like They’re Hitting the Ceiling

By Rachel Wojo

I used to watch the school bus pull away from our house each morning, staring at my daughter Taylor’s face pressed against the window. For years, I prayed she’d thrive in school. I would pray that she’d learn and grow and eventually walk across a graduation platform in a cap and gown. I could see it so clearly in my mind’s eye. You know that proud moment every parent dreams of.

Then one day, I realized Taylor was no longer happy getting on that bus. She was healthier and more peaceful at home. And the dream I’d been praying toward for years quietly disappeared.

The words seemed like they were hitting the ceiling and crashing back down.

You see, my daughter Taylor had Sanfilippo syndrome, a terminal neurologically degenerative genetic disorder. For many of her 22 years, I prayed for her healing. I watched other parents’ prayers get answered while mine seemed to bounce off heaven’s door. The pressure of praying for your child burdens your heart like nothing else can. I wished I could trade places with her.

If you’ve ever been in this kind of “prayer boat,” you’re not alone. You aren’t praying the wrong words or going crazy because you think God just must not be listening.

Why praying for our children feels different

Prayer feels vulnerable because we can’t see God sitting in front of us. But there’s something especially vulnerable about praying for our children. We can accept unanswered prayers in other areas of our lives with relative grace, but when it comes to our kids, the stakes feel unbearably high. We lie awake at night replaying their struggles. We’d take their pain on ourselves if we could. We wonder if we’re praying often enough. We think about having the “right” words. We even wonder if our child is being punished on our account.

And when the answers don’t come—whether the prodigal doesn’t return, the diagnosis doesn’t change, or the crisis doesn’t resolve—we start to wonder if our prayers make a difference. We feel isolated, even in rooms full of praying parents, because everyone else’s prayers seem to be “working.”

This is when prayer can start to feel as though it’s hitting a ceiling. Not because God isn’t listening, but because the gap between our desperate prayers and our current reality feels too wide to bridge with words.

How do we keep praying when we don’t see the answers we’re looking for? I hope the practical tips below will help you.

1. Give yourself permission to express yourself freely in prayer.

God can handle your anger. He can handle your silence. He can handle your barely coherent, tear-drenched prayers at 2 a.m. The ceiling feeling often comes when we think there’s a “right” way to pray. But some of the most honest prayers in Scripture are complaints, questions, and raw grief. I’m so thankful. Because that’s often what my own prayers have sounded like.

When your words fail, when you’re too angry or exhausted to pray, that’s not a prayer problem. That’s a human problem. And God knows the difference.

When your words fail, when you’re too angry or exhausted to pray, that’s not a prayer problem. That’s a human problem. And God knows the difference.

rachel wojo

2.  Pray for the present moment

When the big prayers feel impossible, then we must learn to shift our words from “Please heal them” or “Please fix this” to the prayers for today. Maybe it looks like: “Help me love them well in this moment.” “Give me strength for this afternoon.” “Show me one small way to encourage them today.” Present-moment prayers aren’t giving up on the future. They’re asking God to meet you in the reality you’re actually living.

3.  Let others carry your prayers when you can’t

There will be seasons when you literally cannot pray for your child. The grief is too heavy, the fear too overwhelming, the exhaustion too complete. This is when you need your people.

Text a friend and say, “I can’t pray right now. Will you?” Ask your small group to carry this burden when you can’t lift it anymore. You were never meant to pray alone, and there’s no shame in admitting you need others to hold up your arms when yours are too tired.

4.  Reassess what “answered” means

This doesn’t mean giving up on the miracle you’re praying for. It means learning to recognize God’s presence, provision, and peace as answers even when the big healing or change doesn’t come. When I finally accepted that Taylor was happier at home than at school, I had to grieve the graduation dream I’d prayed toward for years. But I also had to recognize that her joy and peace were gifts—just not the gifts I’d originally asked for. Sometimes the answer is different from what we hoped, but it’s still an answer.

5. Keep a record of small faithfulnesses

One day, as Taylor suffered through an especially difficult seizure, I found myself staring out the window, wishing I could escape to the sunshine outside. I was so angry at God. He spoke quietly to my heart: “You can wish you were outside in the sunshine, or you can be grateful for the sunshine coming through the window.”

It was such a subtle shift. But I started noticing small things. A good hour in a hard day, an unexpected peaceful moment, or a nurse’s kind word. Not miraculous answers, but moments of recognizing God’s peace and presence. When you’re in a long season of unanswered prayer, these small notices become the markers that keep you going. Write them down. They matter more than you think at the moment.

Why it matters

After 22 years of prayers that didn’t get answered the way I begged God to answer, I learned that God wants to do so much more than change our circumstances. He wants to change our hearts.

My daughter Taylor passed away January 2, 2019. The healing I prayed for never came on this planet. But I can only imagine the graduation ceremony she had as she walked through heaven’s gates. And the transformation that happened in me through those years of desperate, ceiling-hitting prayers? That was the answer I didn’t know to ask for. I learned that God’s presence in suffering is real. Community can carry us when we can’t carry ourselves if we allow it to. And yes, our most desperate prayers are heard.

Your prayers for your children are not hitting the ceiling. They’re being heard by a God who loves them even more than you do. I know it feels impossible, but it’s true. Keep praying, even when it’s hard. Your kids do need your prayers. But maybe more than that, you need the transformation that happens in your heart and life when you refuse to give up on talking to God about the people you love most.

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When You Can’t Pray Prayer Guide

When you feel like you can’t pray, you need simple, practical help. Download Rachel’s free “When You Can’t Pray” Prayer Guide at desperateprayers.com . This guide is designed for the moments when you can’t find the words, but your heart is still crying out to God.

About Rachel

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at [email protected].

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