Shaunti Feldhahn

Helping People Thrive in Life and Relationships

  • Books & Studies
  • Research
  • Speaking
  • For Leaders
  • Resources
  • Blog
  • Podcast
  • About
  • Contact
Home > Articles > A sincere plea from someone who doesn't want to see Kardashian's nude selfie but isn't a "slut shamer"

A sincere plea from someone who doesn't want to see Kardashian's nude selfie but isn't a "slut shamer"

March 16, 2016 by Shaunti Feldhahn 2 Comments

Unless you’ve been under a rock, you’ve heard about Kim Kardashian’s nude selfie.  Yes, that’s the kind of culture we live in now: the kind in which you know that Kim Kardashian apparently had “nothing to wear.” The kind in which, as Bette Midler pointed out, the only way Kardashian could show us anything we hadn’t seen would be for her to “swallow the camera.” The kind in which dismay about this trend gets a person vilely attacked on social media as a “slut shamer.”

So what’s the problem with this picture? (Yes, pun intended.) Of course I’m five degrees of furious that my 13-year-old son can’t turn on television without having that image tempt his visually-wired brain without his consent, as news channels broadcast the latest example of Kardashian excess. And I’m intensely worried about the inevitable, silent comparisons my 15-year-old daughter and her friends will make between the perfectly toned (and let’s be honest, photoshopped) body in the selfie and their own perfectly normal, healthy adolescent figures.

But all that isn’t my main problem: my main problem is that concerned citizens can’t even say this is a problem without people calling us slut-shamers. Without people telling us (paraphrasing an actual comment about my book Through A Man’s Eyes on this topic), “Go to that really hot place for eternity with all those other bigoted, idiotic people like you who need to go have sex with themselves.”

Hm.

Raise your hand if you think we should be having a conversation about two different types of decency here.

If some women are perfectly fine with taking nude selfies, and speaking out against it becomes a societal no-no, where is the line? When does pushing the envelope become too much? And how will there ever be a “too much” if we don’t fight the censors who say that politely asking for a return of old fashioned modesty is slut-shaming?

Yes, millions of Americans eagerly await anything Kim Kardashian wants to show off. It’s a free country, so she should be able to post whatever she wants, and others should be free to view it. But precisely because it is a free country I should also be able to tell Ms. Kardashian I wish she would stop, for the sake of boys like my son and girls like my daughter. Because it is a free country I should be able to tell Instagram they need to tighten their nudity policies so we don’t broadcast pornography so openly. Because it is a free country I should be able to encourage viewers to stop putting pornography into their brains and desensitizing themselves to something that both objectifies women and harms the men who most want to honor women.

To those women who get indignant at me, I ask: instead of trying to silence my message, look at it more closely. You may still disagree, but you’ll realize the intention is respectful, not the opposite.

To those people who agree with me, I ask: speak up. Say your piece. Don’t stoop to the level of the haters, but continue to take your place in the public square. Don’t cede the ground to those who try to silence you. Because just imagine: if you let them push you out of the square the only thing left will be Kim Kardashian’s nude figure standing as a testimony to free speech.

Screen Shot 2016-03-15 at 9.16.21 PM

I want to hear from you!  By voting in this poll, you will also hear from me via email when I post to this blog!

Fill out my online form.

Wish Shaunti could speak at an event in your area? You can help! Forward this piece or others to a leader at your organization or church, with a note of recommendation. They can reach Shaunti atNDuncan@shaunti.com.

Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage, and her newest book, Through A Man’s Eyes. A Harvard-trained social researcher and popular speaker, her findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.

This article first appeared at Patheos.

Filed Under: Commitment, Marriage, personal updates, The Good News About Marriage

Comments

  1. The Baby Mama says

    March 17, 2016 at 2:34 am

    Yes, yes, yes.

    I commented on a post by Kevin A. Thompson about how we didn’t need to bare the boob. I don’t want to see it, I don’t need to see it and I would prefer it if women were more modest in their approach. Well, I got told I was the trash, and should be taken out and thrown aside – and I find myself thinking: if we’re in such a free society, why can’t I voice my opinion, or is it only the opinions of a certain select few that count? And what is so wrong with modesty? Why, on earth, do people all of a sudden feel this need to bare it all, and I (and my husband) have to see this (because, let’s be honest, it’s not like we can hide away from it – its everywhere), but we can’t say anything about it because then we need to be thrown out with the trash? How does that even begin to make sense??? I am so with you – I’d like to see people covered up. And if that makes me trash – well, then so be it. I’ll happily be modest trash, than be exposed and … uh … trashy????

    Here’s the link if you’re interested… scroll to the comments section…
    http://www.kevinathompson.com/freethenipple/

    Reply
  2. libl says

    May 3, 2016 at 7:11 am

    I’m ok with being called a slut-shamer. Why are we so worried about what fools call us? Even the name Christian was spoken as an insult. Someone has to be the little boy pointing out that the emperor has no clothes.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I accept the Privacy Policy

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Sign up for Shaunti’s Blog

Categories

  • 30 Day Challenge
  • 30DKC MLN
  • Articles
  • Emotional Security
  • Emotions at Work
  • Financial Security/Emotional Security
  • For Couples
  • For Marriage Leaders
  • For Men
  • For Parents
  • For the Workplace
  • For Women
  • Good News Updates
  • His Need for Respect
  • How to Listen
  • How to Talk and Listen
  • Independence
  • Interviews with Men
  • Interviews with Men and Women
  • Interviews with Women
  • Life Balance
  • Love & Respect
  • Physical Intimacy
  • Secrets of a Happy Marriage
  • Sex & Romance
  • Sex & Romance
  • The Female Mind
  • The Male Brain
  • The Male Mind
  • Thriving in Love & Money
  • Understanding Me
  • Vlog
  • Youth Studies
Schedule Shaunti

Contact Shaunti

Shaunti Feldhahn
P.O. Box 924014
Norcross, GA 30010

Speaking Inquiries: Dana Ashley
Email: dashley@shaunti.com
Tel: 615.672.6811

General Inquiries

Important Links

  • Stay Connected with Shaunti
  • Research and Surveys
  • Resources
  • Public Relations
  • My Story
  • Biography
  • Speaking
  • Books and Studies

Speaking Topics

  • Men, Women, Marriage and Relationships
  • Leadership & Workplace
  • Parenting & Youth

 

 

This website contains affiliate links.

Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2021 Shaunti Feldhahn
Site Design | Site Development