Do the Little Things That Matter Big Time
Secret #1: Do the “Little Things” That Matter Big Time
One of the simplest things that happy couples tend to do differently, is that the husbands and the wives tend to do the same few day-to-day “little things” that always tell a woman or a man that “I care about you.” And it turns out, these things are important regardless of what the person’s love language is!
Some of the most impactful things we can do to make our spouse feel cared for are so small we tend not to do them because we don’t realize they matter so much to the opposite sex! But if you as a husband or a wife will do these few little things day-to-day it makes your spouse believe in a deep-down way that you care about them! It almost creates a protective cocoon around your marriage, that makes it difficult for other issues to hurt the two of you.
In this space, I don’t have time to reference all of them, so here is just one for each gender (look at Chapter 2 of the book for the others – there are five in all for each gender).
Women: notice the little day-to-day things your spouse does and say “thank you”. I discovered that saying ‘thank you’ to a guy is the emotional equivalent of when he says ‘I love you’ to you! “Thank you for putting the laundry away,” “thank you for mowing the lawn even though it was so hot outside,” “thank you for putting the kids to bed, you’re such a good dad.” Sincerely say thank you several times a day and you will transform your marriage.
Men: take your wife’s hand when you are walking across a parking lot, or put your arm around her when you are sitting together at church. Regardless of what their ‘love language’ is, those gestures deeply please the vast majority of women on my survey, because it says some important things like, “You’re mine.” Yes, it seems so simple, but that day-to-day reassurance that you would choose her all over again is priceless.
These things seem so simple it is easy to discount them – but DON’T. They are small but powerful. And what I found in my research is that they really can begin to transform a relationship even if only one person does them! If you are skeptical, just try them (and the others!) and I think that what you will see bubbling up in your relationship as a result will be the best possible incentive to continue.
From Chapter 2 of The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, by Shaunti Feldhahn.
Join us tomorrow for Secret # 2, and learn what to do differently when your spouse does something that hurts.
Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages and her newest, The Good News About Marriage. A Harvard-trained social researcher and speaker, her findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times. Shaunti speaks regularly at churches, conferences, and corporate events. Learn more about speaking inquiries here.
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We have an exciting Marriage Month partnership with the Christian Post! From June 5 to July 5, my blog will run daily, featuring my best research-based marriage tips and articles from For Women Only, For Men Only, The Good News About Marriage, and The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. The tips will be featured on the Christian Post main page each day, and these articles will be cross-posted at the new Christian Post books section . We will return to our regular blog schedule in July, but in the meantime… enjoy!
This is one of a series giving a sneak peek into what I discovered about what makes happy marriages so happy! After years of nationally-representative research with more than 1,000 couples, I reveal the twelve most important little habits in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference. See www.surprisingsecrets.com for more!