Shaunti Feldhahn

Helping People Thrive in Life and Relationships

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How to Encourage Your Teen to Talk to You More

Summer is over and school is back in session! (Although here in the South, we’re still in the high 90’s and feeling nowhere near fall-like!) And our teens, like it or not, are back in the routine of middle or high school. Backpacks have been broken in, lunchboxes/headphones/power cords/permission slips have already been lost (and […]

In the Wake of the Recent College Cheating Scandal

Unless you’ve been holed up under a rock (I’m in “Cave Mode” while writing a book—and even I know about this doozey of a scandal!), you will have heard, read, and seen countless stories about the recent college cheating scandal. Obviously the media has latched itself onto the celebrities from Hollywood and named them the […]

Help Your Teen Avoid Social Media Comparison

Erica’s teenage daughter took out her phone for her daily ritual—taking photos of her outfit possibilities before school and waiting to see which one got the most likes before deciding what to wear. Erica tried to hide her exasperation. Her daughter’s obsession with social media had reached ridiculous levels. She already placed far too much […]

The Best Parenting Advice I Ever Received

We recently celebrated our son’s 16th birthday. Trust me, Jeff and I spent more than a few moments wondering where the time had gone. How was it that we now have a daughter in college and a son who is allowed to get a drivers license?! The celebration was simple, involving a dozen of his […]

5 Easy Ways a Dad Can Connect With His Teen Daughter’s Heart

**This article is part of our August and September 2018 Guest Blog series. During a particular intense ‘sandwich generation’ season (launching my daughter to college and my son to high school, helping my parents move to Atlanta, and tackling a major research deadline), I am taking this opportunity to introduce my readers to the insight […]

Maintain Your Schedule Sanity While Supporting Your Teen’s Success

It’s back-to-school season, and with the new school year kids will have the chance to get involved in a wide variety of extra-curricular activities. Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth to get kids to try (and commit to) new activities…but many teens have an over-abundance of enthusiasm for diving into a full schedule of teams, clubs, […]

4 Truths You Need to Know About Your Son and Visual Temptation

Even after years of being a social researcher and learning what is in the hearts and minds of men and boys, I just wasn’t ready when my pre-teen son began struggling with the same visual temptations as adult males. But why would he not? He is genetically programmed to be male. But just because he […]

4 Crucial Things Daughters Need To Hear from their Dads

The daddy/daughter dances. The skinned knees and kissed boo-boos. Watching recitals, cheering at games, drying tears after first break-ups. Dads, we know you love your daughter. And you know you love your daughter. But there’s something you might not know: just how much your daughter needs to hear it! In the research with teens and […]

3 Things Every Boy Needs to Hear from His Mom

Can anyone relate to that feeling of whiplash when you realize your little boy has suddenly become a teenager? How did that happen? When did “snips and snails and puppy-dogs’ tails” turn into “phones and midterms and social outings with friends?” It seems as if our little boys are growing and maturing at alarming rates. […]

Does Your Kid Make You Feel Like You Can Do Nothing Right?

(a special guest post by Debbie Hitchcock) Last week I felt like everything I did for one of my kids was met with sarcasm, frustration, or anger. The typical jokes we had between us, the acts of kindness I did, and every time I seemed to open my mouth it was met with a snarl of […]

How to Help Your Son Fight These Three Dangerous Lies

As both a social researcher who has interviewed and surveyed thousands of boys and a mom of a son, I’ve seen three common – and very harmful – things boys tend to believe about themselves. Mom and Dad, keep an eye out, so you can knock down this nonsense whenever it rears its ugly head! 1. […]

How to Fix Teenage Attitude Problems …. Without Losing It

Not that this ever happens to you. But every now and then our kids (girls and boys) might perhaps display a little attitude. Perhaps it’s an eye roll, a derisive tone, a sudden disrespectful temper. Whatever it is, it’s almost guaranteed to make a parent’s head explode. We of course never did this. Ever. We were […]

Six Tips from Coaches: How to be a Good Sports Parent

The other day at a huge high school sports event, I watched a large, loud dad yelling at a ref. On the sidelines, the coach looked furious. Being abusive to an official not only models terrible behavior; it’s a terrible strategy. I started to wonder: what other parental actions do coaches hate, that might not […]

Are Legos Just For Boys? It’s Complicated.

One of the things that years of research with men and women, boys and girls, has taught me is that the genders are just (gasp!) different. It always stuns me when people push back against this idea – as if acknowledging differences will somehow suck our society through the space-time-continuum, back to the bad old […]

Two Practical Ways to Encourage Your Sons

Many boys these days go through challenging times that are not of their making, and yet they affect how our sons view themselves. Every day, boys experience challenges at school that make them feel stupid, especially since our sit-still-and-listen school processes are not necessarily optimally designed for how boys’ brains learn! Perhaps even more toxic […]

3 Things Every Boy Needs From His Mom

In more than a decade of research with thousands of men and boys over the years, one thing that has stood out is the power of a mom’s words to build her son up – or (accidentally) tear him down. Whether your son is five or fifteen, several phrases are a big, big deal. Here […]

Moms, encourage your sons with three essential phrases.

In more than a decade of research with thousands of men and boys over the years, one thing that has stood out is the power of a mom’s words to build her son up – or (accidentally) tear him down. Whether your son is five or fifteen, several phrases are a big, big deal. Here […]

How to respond to teenager attitude without losing your mind

Not that this ever happens. But every now and then our kids (girls and boys) might perhaps display a little attitude. Perhaps it’s an eye roll, a derisive tone, a sudden disrespectful temper. Whatever it is, it’s almost guaranteed to make a parent’s head explode. We of course never did this. Ever. We were perfect […]

Dads, say this to your daughters

Dads, we know you love your daughter. And you know you love your daughter. But you might be surprised at much she needs to hear it. In the research with teens and preteens for For Parents Only, I found that these four phrases have a lot more impact than you might think. And as you’ll […]

Every Work-From-Home Parent’s Hilarious Nightmare

So there you are, in your best suit, giving a Skype video presentation in your best professional manner – and thankful that the people on the other end can’t tell you are doing it all from a home office. After all, you have the impressive bookshelf behind you, and the map on the wall. It […]

2 Things to Do if You Want Your Teen to Talk to You

“How was school?” (Shrug.) “Fine.” “What did you do?” “Nothin’.” If this sounds familiar, join the club! Not only do I have two teenagers, but I’ve interviewed and surveyed about 3,000 of them for For Parents Only and other books, and discovered that the condition homo teenagesapiens silenticus (otherwise known as “being a teenager who is uninformatively […]

3 things to do when your kid rolls her eyes at you

Not that this ever happens. But every now and then our kids (girls and boys) might perhaps display a little attitude. Perhaps it’s an eye roll, a derisive tone, a sudden disrespectful temper. Whatever it is, it’s almost guaranteed to make a parent’s head explode. We of course never did this. Ever. We were perfect darlings. […]

Two great ways to boost your son's self-esteem

Many boys these days go through challenging times that are not of their making, and yet they affect how our sons view themselves. Every day, boys experience challenges at school that make them feel stupid, especially since our sit-still-and-listen school processes are not necessarily optimally designed for how boys’ brains learn! Perhaps even more toxic […]

Calling All Moms! Apply "respect talk" to your sons.

I’m so excited about Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’s latest book, Mother and Son! Our whole team loves Emerson’s work. Enjoy his guest blog post below: I have a favor to ask of mothers who have sons. The #1 application of the Love and Respect message beyond marriage is by moms who apply to their sons what they learned from […]

Dads: Four Phrases a Daughter Needs to Hear From You

Dads, we know you love your daughter. And you know you love your daughter. But you might be surprised at much she needs to hear it. In the research with teens and preteens for For Parents Only, I found that these four phrases have a lot more impact than you might think. And as you’ll […]

Moms: 4 things your son secretly wishes you knew about his temptations

Moms: 4 things your son secretly wishes you knew about his temptations Even after years of researching what is in the heart and mind of men and boys, I still wasn’t quite ready when my pre-teen son began struggling with the same visual temptations as everyone else! In honor of all boys who want to […]

We're a fan of iDisciple – and we think you will be, too!

We’re a fan of iDisciple – and we think you will be, too! Check out iDisciple, a platform that provides an engaging on-the-go resource for growing closer to Christ. We hope you enjoy the app! You also can find additional content from Shaunti using iDisciple’s Life Themes, which brings transformational content to your fingertips. We know your […]

My ADD son is checking out in school

Dear Shaunti, My 6th-grade son is discouraged in school and I’m worried he’s starting to check out. He tries hard, but he has some learning issues (like ADD) that create real academic challenges. Where his sisters get A’s with little effort, he can work for hours and get B’s and C’s on his tests. And the […]

My Kids Are Freaked Out About the Shemitah

Dear Shaunti, Recently my husband and I read Jonathan Cahn’s book The Harbinger, so we’re attuned to the signals of a “shaking” coming in our country. Financial markets are tanking as we near the Shemitah, just as Cahn warned might happen. [Editorial note: the current 7-year Shemitah cycle, based on the ancient Hebrew calendar, ended […]

Play It Subtle When Talking With Teens

Dear Shaunti, I was driving my 16-year-old daughter home from volleyball practice recently when she brought up a funny comment made by one of the guys she knows at school. Then she said, “Anna said he told her he was going to ask me to Homecoming.” I was thrilled she was sharing something like that, […]

Bikinis, Boys, and Back to School Clothes

As I write this, I am sitting at the pool watching two twelve-year-old boys – my son and a friend – try not to stare at a gaggle of shapely teenage girls in bikinis. Also as I write this, on my to-do list for later is taking my 15-year-old daughter on an errand to pick up back-to-school […]

When State Says Pot is OK, How Do I Convince My Child It Isn’t?

Dear Shaunti, We live in Colorado, where pot is now visible on every corner. For my teenagers, seeing someone smoking pot is as now as commonplace as seeing someone smoking cigarettes; it’s viewed as a harmless pastime. But it isn’t harmless, and I don’t want my kids to be enticed by drugs. My husband and […]

How can I get my teen to STOP relying on social media so much?

My kids’ obsession with Instagram and other social media has gotten to ridiculous levels. My teenage daughter takes photos of her outfits before she goes to school and wears the option that got the most likes. She’s already placing far too much value on what her peers think of her, and social media is making […]

Drama-Free Guarantee: Talking to Teenage Boys

Dear Shaunti, My oldest son is having a tough first year of high school – leaving his old friends, trying to make new ones, and dealing with some unfair teachers. I’m thankful that at least he’s talking to us about these struggles (I was worried that he wouldn’t) but when he explains the latest issue, […]

What Does It Mean to Lead Your Daughter Spiritually?

What Does It Mean to Lead Your Daughter Spiritually? Guest post by Dr. Michelle J. Watson. Dads…I realize that I may be treading on sacred ground here as I provide you with suggestions about what it means to be a spiritual influence in your daughter’s life, so please understand that I am approaching this subject […]

Conquer the Calendar Without Crushing Your Kids

Dear Shaunti, My 8th grade son is getting involved in extra-curricular activities for the first time, finding out what he likes and making friends in a way he hasn’t before. Which is all great, but every new dodgeball clinic, basketball team and robotics program he signs up for is one more place I have to […]

The Father Wound of Anger

The Father Wound of ANGER Guest post by Michelle J. Watson, PhD, LPC drmichellewatson.com If you were to walk up to me and ask, “Michelle, if you could give me one piece of advice about where to deliberately focus my attention so that I’m not perpetuating the cycle of father wounds onto my daughter, what […]

Discuss With Your Daughters: Miss America’s Red Cup and Being Yourself

Did you catch the Miss America pageant this weekend? A large percentage of the population missed it, either accidentally or on purpose –so did we!—but the social media world exploded anyway. And instead of people analyzing the dresses, rolling their eyes about the swimsuit contest, or dishing about the embarrassing personal revelations, everyone was talking […]

And the Oscar Goes To…My Teen Drama Queen

Dear Shaunti, I love my teenage daughter but how do I get her to stop being such a drama queen? Everything is a big tear-fest. She begged to play volleyball – but now when she doesn’t want to go to practices, she cries about the fact that none of the girls like her. And yesterday, […]

Your Teen Is Watching Even If She Doesn't Seem to Be Listening

Dear Shaunti, My daughter is 15 years old and I am worried that she is starting to push away not just from her dad and me but also from some of the beliefs we hold dear. What should we do? – Concerned about wandering Dear Concerned about wandering, This is definitely a sensitive subject and […]

How Do I Get My Teen to Comply Without Complaining?

Dear Shaunti, I am constantly butting heads with my 14 year-old daughter. Yesterday, she asked if she could go to a concert with a group of kids that I don’t know. With her friend’s 16 year-old brother as the driver! I said “no” to that idea before she even finished talking! She’s been pouting ever […]

Don’t Give the Death Sentence for a Misdemeanor Crime

Dear Shaunti, My 16-year-old son came home an hour past curfew over the weekend – walked in like it was no big deal! “Hey, sorry my battery was dead so I couldn’t text you.” And then when he saw how upset we were he was like, “It was only an hour!” We said, “Yeah, well, […]

Crime and Punishment: When Do Teens Deserve Cell-Phone Restriction?

Dear Shaunti, Undoubtedly, the most effective punishment for my teenage daughter is taking away her cell phone. There’s just one little problem: she freaks out when I do. I’m certain I’d get less of a freak-out if I ordered her to sleep in a box in the yard for a week (hmmm…) What’s her deal? […]