National Survey: How Women Think (for the book For Men Only)

[survey title=”National Survey of Women for For Men Only”]

Survey Data as of: 6/7/2006

Author Note: This survey was designed with the guidance of Chuck Cowan of Analytic Focus, the former chief of survey design at the U.S. Census Bureau. The survey was conducted by Decision Analyst. The survey was of 405 women who were between the ages of 21 and 75, living in the United States, and heterosexual.

If you are a print publication or media representative, and would like to arrange to receive more detail on the methodology of the survey, the demographics of the respondents, or cross-tabulation data, please contact the Multnomah Publicity Department at 719-590-4999.

Click here to download the responses to this survey in Adobe Acrobat PDF format.

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Which scenario best describes how you experience thoughts and emotions? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”79″]I find myself dealing with multiple thoughts and emotions in a short period of time; it’s like having multiple windows open and running on my computer desktop at the same time[/option]
[option percent=”21″]I mostly process thoughts and emotions sequentially, focusing on one thing at a time; it’s like having only one window open at a time on the computer[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=’On those occasions when you have multiple emotional “windows” open, how readily can you usually dismiss negative thoughts and emotions that are bothering you? {Choose One Answer}’]
[option percent=”19″]I can do it easily[/option]
[option percent=”21.5″]I can do it, but it takes effort[/option]
[option percent=”36.3″]I can do it with effort, but those thoughts/feelings sometimes pop back up until whatever is causing them is resolved[/option]
[option percent=”23.2″]I usually can’t dismiss them entirely; until whatever is causing them is resolved, those feelings are “open” and running in the background[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Some women say that emotions from experiences in the recent or even distant past (particularly negative ones) sometimes rise up in their minds. These may be triggered, or may seem to arise from nowhere. How often do you experience this? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”2.7″]Never[/option]
[option percent=”49.6″]Rarely[/option]
[option percent=”39″]Often—up to several times a week[/option]
[option percent=”8.6″]Very often—it’s common in my day-to-day life[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”If you had to choose between these two bad choices, would you rather endure: {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”64.9″]Financial struggles[/option]
[option percent=”35.1″]Struggles arising from insecurity or lack of closeness in your relationship[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Put yourself in this scenario: Your husband/significant other has a very well-paying job that requires a lot of hours and emotional attention away from home. You enjoy a comfortable lifestyle and all the enrichment opportunities for the kids that come with it, but you and the children often do feel distant from your husband/significant other, and when you two are together there is often discord. Now suppose that your husband/significant other was offered a different job that he’d enjoy, that would allow much more time with family—but it would also mean a substantial pay cut and some lifestyle adjustments for your family. Which best describes your likely feelings in this scenario? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”11.6″]I’d prefer he continue with the current job. It’s a tough balance, but the high salary allows us to meet lots of other priorities[/option]
[option percent=”69.6″]I’d prefer he consider the new job despite the lower income; it’s more important to have him around and emotionally close—both for me and the kids[/option]
[option percent=”18.8″]I’m totally neutral[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Under what circumstances do you think about your relationship, whether it is going well, or how your husband/significant other feels about you? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”12.1″]Never[/option]
[option percent=”19.5″]Only when we are in a really difficult season of our relationship[/option]
[option percent=”25.4″]It’s occasionally in the back of my mind[/option]
[option percent=”24.2″]It’s often in the back of my mind[/option]
[option percent=”18.8″]It’s something I’m conscious of most of the time[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Suppose you and your husband/significant other are in the middle of an emotional conflict and he eventually says he doesn’t want to talk about it any further at that moment. If he were to add a reassurance that the relationship itself is okay,  would that make you more or less likely to be able to give him space? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”43.2″]Much more likely[/option]
[option percent=”43″]More likely[/option]
[option percent=”2″]Less likely[/option]
[option percent=”11.9″]It would have no relevance[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”In an emotional conflict, if your husband/significant other initiates a step to reassure you of his love, how much does it help diminish any turmoil you are feeling? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”4.7″]Not at all[/option]
[option percent=”33.6″]Some[/option]
[option percent=”54.1″]Quite a lot[/option]
[option percent=”7.7″]It solves it[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”When you are feeling insecure about his love or the relationship, which of the following are true about your feelings? {Choose All Correct Answers}” note=”Because respondents could choose more than one answer, results do not add up to 100%.”]
[option percent=”44.4″]I need reassurance[/option]
[option percent=”19.5″]I might become quite preoccupied until I get that reassurance[/option]
[option percent=”31.6″]I withdraw emotionally[/option]
[option percent=”27.9″]I become depressed[/option]
[option percent=”34.3″]It affects other areas of my life[/option]
[option percent=”10.1″]It confirms my suspicion that I’m not very lovable or not worthy of his love[/option]
[option percent=”26.4″]I feel like I’m not valued in his eyes[/option]
[option percent=”9.4″]Nothing helps, I just need time to process alone[/option]
[option percent=”17.8″]I never feel insecure about his love or the relationship[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Suppose you had a fairly serious conflict with someone important to you, and have been dealing with strong emotions about it all day. That evening, you start to tell your husband/significant other what happened and how you feel about it. After listening for a little bit, he jumps in with a reasonable suggestion for fixing the problem. How is this most likely to make you feel? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”5.2″]Great, because now I know what to do[/option]
[option percent=”35.1″]I’m interested in his suggestion and want to discuss it more[/option]
[option percent=”38″]I appreciate his suggestion, but at the moment what I really need is for him to show emotional support by listening more[/option]
[option percent=”14.3″]Actually, I really don’t need or want his suggestion; at the moment what I really need is for him to show emotional support by listening more[/option]
[option percent=”2″]I need his emotional support, and am actively hurt that he’s not listening to me[/option]
[option percent=”5.4″]I’m upset and hurt, because not only is he not showing emotional support, it actually seems like he jumped in with the suggestion to cut me off, so he didn’t have to listen anymore[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Consider times when you have actually been in the type of situation described in the previous question. Setting aside how you feel about your husband/significant other’s emotional support, how useful or valuable are his actual suggestions? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”5.2″]Very helpful: I usually would not have come up with the appropriate solutions on my own[/option]
[option percent=”63″]Helpful: he usually makes good suggestions that help me think through my options[/option]
[option percent=”12.8″]Not very helpful or necessary: I usually think of what he suggests on my own[/option]
[option percent=”10.1″]Not helpful at all: we tend to think very differently[/option]
[option percent=”7.2″]Not helpful at all: he usually doesn’t listen enough to have all the necessary details to provide the best solution[/option]
[option percent=”1.7″]Not helpful at all: he tends not to think things through[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Many guys believe that there aren’t really rational reasons when a girl’s attitudes, actions, or words change from day to day. Which of the following is true of you? {Choose One Answer}”][option percent=”87″]In most cases, even if a guy doesn’t see it, there is a reason if I say or do things differently. And if my feelings have changed there’s a reason for that, too.[/option]
[option percent=”13″]There’s usually no real reason if I say or do things differently from day to day.[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Women forty-five and younger: Regardless of how you think you look, do you have a deep need or desire to know that your husband/significant other finds you beautiful? Which answer most closely describes you? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”77″]Yes, I do have that need, even when I don’t show it. On the inside, I’m still like that little girl who wants to hear that she’s beautiful.[/option]
[option percent=”23″]No, I don’t have that need. I’m happy if my husband/significant other finds me beautiful but I don’t need to know that he does.[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”All women: Regardless of how you think you look, do you have a deep need or desire to know that your husband/significant other finds you beautiful? Which answer most closely describes you? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”59.8″]Yes[/option]
[option percent=”40.2″]No[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”How beneficial is it to you when your husband/significant other tells you that he finds you beautiful? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”27.9″]Great; it makes my day[/option]
[option percent=”61″]It makes me feel good[/option]
[option percent=”8.4″]It’s nice but I don’t care that much[/option]
[option percent=”2.7″]It makes no difference to me[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”What is the frequency of how often you want to pursue having sex compared to your husband? I want it: {Choose One Answer} (Answered by married or previously-married women)” note=’We were interested to see that roughly 55% of women said they wanted sex more often or exactly the same as their husbands, which means the percent who want it less is in the minority. However, we did not have the ability to test whether the husbands of the women answering “exactly the same” were in agreement with that assessment. Therefore, we decided to deal in the book primarily with the women answering “less often,” since it appears that the majority of men believe their wife to be in that category.’]
[option percent=”27.1″]More often[/option]
[option percent=”44.9″]Less often[/option]
[option percent=”28″]Exactly the same[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Beyond any differences in your actual sex drive, why do you tend to want less sex than your husband? {Choose All Correct Answers}” note=”Questions 16-17 were answered only by women who said they wanted less sex than their husbands.; Because respondents could choose more than one answer, percentages do not total 100%.”]
[option percent=”47.9″]It’s not that I don’t want to be with him—it’s just that at the end of a long day it is sometimes hard to make the transition to wanting physical intimacy at that moment[/option]
[option percent=”29.8″]I may be less receptive when we are at odds or I don’t feel close to him right then: I don’t want to be intimate with someone I don’t feel close to[/option]
[option percent=”17.7″]I may be less receptive when I do not feel supported throughout the day[/option]
[option percent=”59.6″]I’m sometimes simply too tired or stressed[/option]
[option percent=”34.8″]I sometimes have competing interests—for example, at the end of a long day, a bath, a magazine and my pillow seem really appealing, too[/option]
[option percent=”16.3″]I don’t feel good about my body or myself and would be embarrassed to be with him[/option]
[option percent=”11.3″]I don’t want to do some of the things I know he wants me to do, so its better to avoid the whole situation[/option]
[option percent=”8.5″]He’s not good at it; it’s boring[/option]
[option percent=”2.8″]His “equipment” isn’t big enough[/option]
[option percent=”3.5″]He’s not attractive or desirable[/option]
[option percent=”16.3″]It’s not enjoyable/frustrating, because I don’t expect physical pleasure or don’t expect to climax each time[/option]
[option percent=”9.2″]It’s not enjoyable/frustrating because of physical problems or pain[/option]
[option percent=”60.4″]I think I just have a lower sex drive than he does[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”If you could magically change your sex drive and/or some of the reasons you don’t want sex as much as your husband does, would you? {Choose One Answer}” note=”Questions 16-17 were answered only by women who said they wanted less sex than their husbands.”]
[option percent=”81.6″]Yes[/option]
[option percent=”18.4″]No[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Are there things that your husband can do to increase the chances that you will want to make love more frequently? Please rate the helpfulness of each of the following statements. {Choose One Answer For Each Statement}”]

[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Imagine you are sitting with your husband/significant other in a train station and a woman with a great body walks in and stands in a nearby line. Your husband/significant other glances at her several times and appears quite distracted by her. How does this make you feel? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”35.3″]It doesn’t bother me; guys will be guys[/option]
[option percent=”38.3″]I find it annoying, but it doesn’t hurt my feelings[/option]
[option percent=”20.4″]It hurts my feelings but I try not to let it bother me too much[/option]
[option percent=”6.4″]I find it painful and wish he’d stop[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”Continuing with this same scenario… Now imagine that you could magically see inside your husband/significant other’s head. If you were to find out that his thoughts were lingering on that woman’s body, would you find it hurtful? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”73″]Yes[/option]
[option percent=”27″]No[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=’Is this statement true or false? “My husband/significant other is incredibly important to me, and no-one and nothing else on earth can take his unique place in my life.” {Choose One Answer}’ note=’As answered by currently-married women. Among currently-married women attending religious services regularly who said their relationship was “fine” (or better), 96% answer true and 4% answer false. Raw number (including divorced and separated women) is 78.8% answering true and 21.2% answering false. Perhaps not surprisingly, nearly all “false” answers came from women who described their relationship as very shaky or on the verge of breaking up.’]
[option percent=”86″]True[/option]
[option percent=”14″]False[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=’Is this statement true or false? “Although I may not always show it well, I do deeply need, respect and desire my husband/significant other.” {Choose One Answer}’ note=”Excludes divorced/separated women—who still answered in the 80% range!”]
[option percent=”93″]True[/option]
[option percent=”7″]False[/option]
[/question]

[question respondents=”405″ prompt=”What’s the most important thing you wish your husband/significant other knew, but feel you haven’t been able to explain in a way he understands?”]
Click here to see their actual responses.
[/question]

[/survey]