National Survey: How Men Think (for the book For Women Only)
“Professional Survey – How Men Think”
Author Note: The professional survey was designed with the guidance of Chuck Cowan of Analytic Focus, the former chief of survey design at the U.S. Census Bureau. The survey was conducted by Decision Analyst and was designed to deliver a random, representative, national sample of 400 men (the sample size suggested by Chuck Cowan) who were heterosexual, lived within the U.S., and were between the ages of 21 and 75.
If you are a print publication or media representative, and would like to arrange to receive more detail on the methodology of the survey, the demographics of the responders, or cross-tabulation data, please contact the Multnomah Publicity Department at 719-590-4999.
Click here to download the results of this survey in Adobe Acrobat PDF format.
Prompt: Imagine you are sitting alone in a train station and a woman with a great body walks in and stands in a nearby line. What is your reaction to the woman? {Choose One Answer}
[option percent=”4.0″]I openly stare at her and drool forms on my lower lip.[/option]
[option percent=”75.8″]I’m drawn to look at her, and I sneak a peek, or glance at her from the corner of my eye.[/option]
[option percent=”18″]It is impossible not to be aware that she is there, but I try to stop myself from looking.[/option]
[option percent=”2.3″]Nothing happens; it doesn’t affect me.[/option]
Prompt: Many men have a mental set of sensual images that rise up or can be conjured up in their minds. Does this apply to you? {Choose One Answer}”
[option percent=”62.3″]Yes, and these images are regularly changing – for example, the great body from the previous question could be recalled hours or days later.[/option]
[option percent=”24.5″]Yes, but they are mostly images from years gone by.[/option]
[option percent=”13.3″]No, I don’t have a mental set of sensual images.[/option]
Prompt: Think about what these two negative experiences would be like: to feel alone and unloved in the world OR to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone. If you were forced to choose one, which would you prefer? Would you rather feel…? {Choose One Answer}”
[option percent=”73.8″]Alone And Unloved[/option]
[option percent=”26.3″]Inadequate And Disrespected[/option]
Prompt: Even though the situation may not be directly applicable to you, imagine that you have kids and they have done some minor damage to the kitchen wall, and it is obvious to both you and your wife/significant other that it needs to be fixed, and that it will be your job to do it. Some time later, your wife/significant other pointedly reminds you that it still needs to be fixed. What goes through your mind? {Choose All Correct Answers} note=”Percentages total more than 100%, because respondents could choose more than one answer. As noted in the book, after accounting for those who chose multiple answers, 37% of the men perceived the wife’s reminder as nagging or as an accusation of laziness or mistrust”]
[option percent=”4.5″]Oh, sweetie. I’ll turn off the football game right now and do it.[/option]
[option percent=”28″]I feel bad about not having done it sooner, and appreciate the reminder.[/option]
[option percent=”22.5″]I feel bad about not having done it sooner, but I resent her nagging me.[/option]
[option percent=”2.3″]She thinks I’m a second-rate husband for not doing this.[/option]
[option percent=”8″]I’ve failed. She shouldn’t have to be asking me. I let her down.[/option]
[option percent=”48.5″]It needs to be done, but it’s just not as much of a priority for me. It’ll get done eventually.[/option]
[option percent=”6.8″]I feel like she’s accusing me of being lazy or not caring about the family.[/option]
[option percent=”6.8″]She doesn’t trust that I know what I’m doing and that I’ll get to it when I can.[/option]
[option percent=”6″]I do so much for this family! I can’t believe she’s mad at me for not getting to this one thing just yet.[/option]
Prompt: The original question about whether the men were insecure or felt like imposters provided a confusing spread of responses, and several men indicated that the use of the word ‘imposter’ in the question put them on the defensive. The survey consultant indicated that this may have skewed the results. We re-worded the question on the follow-up survey. The results can be seen in the ‘Follow-up survey’ section below.”
Prompt: In your work life, do you have thoughts like ‘I’m not appreciated around here’? {Choose One Answer}”
[option percent=”14.8″]Yes, frequently[/option]
[option percent=”46.8″]Yes, sometimes[/option]
[option percent=”26″]No, I rarely have thoughts like that[/option]
[option percent=”12.5″]No, I generally feel appreciated[/option]
Prompt: In your home life, do you have thoughts like ‘I’m not appreciated around here?’ {Choose One Answer}”
[option percent=”8″]Yes, frequently[/option]
[option percent=”35.3″]Yes, sometimes[/option]
[option percent=”27.5″]No, I rarely have thoughts like that[/option]
[option percent=”29.3″]No, I generally feel appreciated[/option]
Prompt: Imagine that your wife/significant other has complained that you have been working too much. Select all the thoughts that would likely go through your mind (not just those that are true statements). {Choose All Correct Answers}” note=”Percentages total more than 100%, because respondents could choose more than one answer. As noted in the book, after accounting for those who chose multiple answers, 82% of the men chose answers 1, 3, 5 and/or 6 — what I would characterize as demonstrating an ‘unselfish’ motivation for working too much.”]
[option percent=”39.5″]If I don’t work this hard, I feel like my job might be at risk, and I do have to provide for my family.[/option]
[option percent=”3.5″]I probably could work a lot less if I chose to stand up to my boss.[/option]
[option percent=”36.5″]There is no way to support our family lifestyle without working this hard – I guess I could find a job that worked fewer hours, but it wouldn’t pay enough.[/option]
[option percent=”34.5″]I’ve got to work a lot to get ahead, and I want to get ahead.[/option]
[option percent=”34″]I need to work this much in order to stay on top of my job, or else I might let the organization down.[/option]
[option percent=”40.3″]Does she think I like working this much? I don’t want to be away from her and the kids![/option]
[option percent=”24.3″]I do want to be working this much – I enjoy work.[/option]
[option percent=”5″]I do want to be working this much because I don’t enjoy being at home.[/option]
Prompt: Under what circumstances do you think about your responsibility to provide for your family? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”6.3″]Only when I’m unemployed or facing financial challenges[/option]
[option percent=”20.3″]It’s occasionally in the back of my mind[/option]
[option percent=”21″]It’s often in the back of my mind[/option]
[option percent=”49.3″]It’s something I’m conscious of most of the time[/option]
[option percent=”3.3″]Never[/option]
[question respondents=”387″ prompt=”Suppose your wife/significant other earned enough to support your family’s lifestyle. Would you still feel a compulsion to provide for your family? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”78.3″]Yes[/option]
[option percent=”21.7″]No[/option]
[/question]
[question respondents=”400″ prompt=”Regardless of whether you are able to plan romantic events, or whether your wife/significant other appreciates it, do you, yourself, desire romance? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”46″]Yes, very much.[/option]
[option percent=”38.5″]Yes, somewhat.[/option]
[option percent=”14″]I can take it or leave it.[/option]
[option percent=”1.5″]I don’t care for it.[/option]
[/question]
[question prompt=”Men sometimes have different notions of what is romantic. If you take sex out of the equation, which of the following do you find more romantic for yourself? (Choose one answer.)” respondents=”400″] [option percent=”59″]The traditional notion of a romantic event-for example, a candlelight dinner, a cozy snuggle by the fire, or watching a sunset on the beach.[/option] [option percent=”39″]The idea of getting out and doing things with my wife/significant other and playing together-for example, hiking together, golfing together, or driving around and exploring.[/option] [option percent=”2″]Neither seems romantic to me[/option] [/question]
[question respondents=”400″ prompt=”Suppose you had to plan an anniversary event for your wife/significant other. Do you know how to put together a romantic event that you know your partner would enjoy? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”54.3″]Yes, I can do it with style[/option]
[option percent=”34.3″]Yes, but I’m not sure that I would do a very good job[/option]
[option percent=”7.8″]No, she may not like what I did[/option]
[option percent=”3.8″]No, I really don’t have a clue[/option]
[/question]
[question respondents=”400″ prompt=”Is this statement true or false? ‘I want my wife/significant other to look good and feel energetic. It is not as important that she look just like she did the day we met. It is more important that she make the effort to take care of herself for me now.’ {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”83″]True[/option]
[option percent=”17″]False[/option]
[/question]
[question respondents=”400″ prompt=”Even the best relationships sometimes have conflicts on day-to-day issues. In the middle of a conflict with my wife/significant other, I am more likely to be feeling… {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”81.5″]That my wife/significant other doesn’t respect me right now.[/option]
[option percent=”18.5″]That my wife/significant other doesn’t love me right now.[/option]
[/question]
[question respondents=”400″ prompt=’When (or if) your wife notices when you do something and sincerely thanks you for it, choose the impact it has on you, in terms of how happy or filled up it makes you. For example, “Thank you for mowing the lawn even though it was hot outside.” {Choose One Answer}’]
[option percent=”72″]It deeply pleases me-it’s a small thing that has a relatively big impact[/option]
[option percent=”26″]It feels nice, but not much impact[/option]
[option percent=”2″]It doesn’t do much for me[/option]
[/question]
[question respondents=”400″ prompt=”Imagine your wife/significant other is overweight, wears baggy sweats when you are home, and only does her hair and makeup to go out. She hates being overweight, but nothing much changes and lately you’ve seen her eating more sweets. What goes through your mind? {Choose All Correct Answers}” note=”Percentages total more than 100%, because respondents could choose more than one answer. After eliminating the answers of men who said this question did not apply to them, and after accounting for multiple answers, 70% of the remaining men chose answers 2, 3, 5, 6 and/or 7 – indicating that they would be emotionally bothered by this hypothetical situation.”]
[option percent=”12.3″]It doesn’t bother me at all.[/option]
[option percent=”24.5″]I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does.[/option]
[option percent=”25″]I wish I could tell her how I feel, but I can’t because it would hurt her feelings.[/option]
[option percent=”46.5″]I want her to make an effort to take care of herself – not just for herself, but also for me.[/option]
[option percent=”11.5″]If she really cared about me and what would please me, she would make more of an effort.[/option]
[option percent=”22″]She should know that taking care of herself is important to me – I shouldn’t have to tell her.[/option]
[option percent=”21.8″]I’m disappointed that she doesn’t seem to “get” that this is important to me, but I understand that it is hard for her, too.[/option]
[option percent=”19.8″]This question doesn’t apply to me, because my wife/significant other already looks great all the time, and I can’t imagine her otherwise.[/option]
[/question]
[question prompt=”Imagine your wife/significant other is overweight and really wants to make an effort to get in shape for you. But her slate is already full; she has no time during the day, and in the evening she has to watch the kids or drive them to their activities. How much effort, financial expense, or additional responsibility would you be willing to take on so she can do what’s necessary to get in shape? (Choose one answer.)” respondents=”400″] [option percent=”66″]I’d do whatever it takes to help her and gladly make a significant effort.[/option] [option percent=”31″]I’d be willing to make a reasonable effort.[/option] [option percent=”2″]I would lend a hand, but I’d privately be annoyed.[/option] [option percent=”1″]I’d prefer not to do much; it’s really her responsibility.[/option] [/question]
[question respondents=”400″ prompt=”Imagine that you and your wife/significant other are out with a mixed group of friends and you are explaining an issue that you know well. Now imagine that your wife/significant other vocally disagrees with you at several points and keeps pushing, despite your efforts to move on. How does that make you feel? {Choose All Correct Answers}” note=”Percentages total more than 100%, because respondents could choose more than one answer.”]
[option percent=”39.3″]I feel disrespected.[/option]
[option percent=”63.5″]I’m embarrassed about the way she is behaving.[/option]
[option percent=”21″]I want my wife/significant other to make me look good, but at the moment I think the other men feel sorry for me.[/option]
[option percent=”14.3″]I not only feel disrespected, but I actually feel somewhat unloved by her.[/option]
[/question]
[question prompt=”Imagine that your wife was an interested and motivated sexual partner, and you therefore had an active love life. How would having sex with her as often as you wanted affect your emotional state? (Choose one answer.)” respondents=”400″] [option percent=”23″]It would have little or no effect-sex seems unrelated to my emotions or how I feel about the rest of my life.[/option] [option percent=”77″]It would have a positive effect-it would give me a greater sense of well-being and satisfaction with life. [/option] [/question]
[question prompt=”Imagine that your wife offers all the sex that you want but does it reluctantly or simply to accommodate your sexual needs. Will you be sexually satisfied? (Choose one answer.)” respondents=”400″] [option percent=”26″]Yes[/option] [option percent=”74″]No[/option][/question]
[question prompt=”With regard to sex, for some men it is sufficient to be sexually gratified whenever they want. For other men it is also important to feel wanted and desired by their wife. How important is it to you to also feel sexually wanted and desired by your wife? (Choose one answer.)” respondents=”400″] [option percent=”66″]Very important[/option] [option percent=”31″]Somewhat important[/option] [option percent=”2″]Not very important as long as I get enough sex[/option] [option percent=”1″]Irrelevant, as long as I get enough sex[/option] [/question]
[question prompt=”I am not always as confident as I look.” respondents=”602″] [option percent=”76″]I feel like this regularly/sometimes[/option] [option percent=”24″]I rarely or never feel like this[/option] [/question]
[/survey]
[survey title=”Follow-Up Survey”]
Author Note: The follow-up survey followed-up on one unclear question from the first professional survey. To create the same survey environment, the previous survey questions were asked alongside the new one, which was also designed with the guidance of Chuck Cowan of Analytic Focus. The survey was conducted by Multnomah Publishers and delivered a sample of primarily churchgoing men, who were (as with the previous survey) heterosexual, lived within the U.S., and were between the ages of 21 and 75.
Click here to download this survey in Adobe Acrobat PDF format.
[question respondents=”323″ prompt=”Men who are taking risks and progressing in their careers will inevitably face many situations that are somewhat unfamiliar and challenging. Think back over several situations like that in your career. Which one of these feelings were you most likely to experience? {Choose One Answer}”]
[option percent=”25.6″]I can handle it, no problem.[/option]
[option percent=”60.2″]I’m somewhat out of my depth here, and I hope it doesn’t show.[/option]
[option percent=”13.9″]I feel a bit like an imposter; I’m not fully qualified to do this and I hope no-one finds out.[/option]
[/question]
[question respondents=”404″ prompt=”Think about several instances when you’ve had a tiff with your wife/significant other and she wanted to talk about it. In a situation where you don’t want to talk about it, please check ALL the reasons why. {Choose all correct answers.}” note=”Because the men could choose more than one answer, percentages total more than 100 percent.”]
[option percent=”48″]Because I’m not clear what I’m thinking and/or can’t articulate it yet; I’m trying to sort out my feelings[/option]
[option percent=”57″]Because talking about our argument right then won’t lead to a solution[/option]
[option percent=”41″]Because I need time to figure out a solution before I burden her with it[/option]
[option percent=”31″]Because I’m mad at her and therefore don’t want to talk to her[/option]
[option percent=”71″]Because I don’t want to say something in the heat of the moment that I’ll regret later[/option]
[/question]
[question respondents=”404″ prompt=’Suppose you are doing some minor project, and it’s not something you discussed with your wife/significant other. She gets that “What were you thinking?” look on her face and clearly has a question about what you are doing. Choose the situation that happens most frequently. {Choose one answer}’ note=’Taken from a second national survey of men, “How Men Think 2,” 2005, which used the same methodology, survey designer and survey company as the 2003 survey.Due to rounding, totals slightly exceed 100 percent.’]
[option percent=”18″]She’s right—I didn’t think about this.[/option]
[option percent=”47″]I did think about it, and I decided that this was the appropriate action.[/option]
[option percent=”36″]I did think about it, and even considered her potential objection, but decided my action was the best.[/option]
[/question]
[question prompt=”Regarding the subjects in this survey, what is the one thing that you wish that your wife/significant other knew, but you feel you can’t explain to her or tell her? (Please note your answers in the box below. Please be specific and include details). ” note=”To read the men’s verbatim answers to this question, from both the professional survey and the follow-up survey”]Click here.
[/survey]