Resources
Category
Display Only:
Top Marriage Advice for Newlyweds (and Everyone Else) About Making a Happy Marriage
Newlywed? Engaged? Read the research-based habits for a happy marriage!
The Surprising Trick to Creating a Positive Cycle with Your Spouse
Some surprising research has found that positive emotional responses toward our spouse may have much more impact on relationship satisfaction in the long run.
Little Things Make A Big Difference in Marriage
When you’re working with couples on a regular basis, you probably wish you could do something to give hope to confused or discouraged couples. One of the most effective things you can do is also the most simple.
Make Your Marriage Happier By Keeping Score And Giving Back
The highly happy couples I interviewed taught me that the best marriages actually do keep score—but in a very different way!
Help Make Your Marriage Great By Being Grateful For Your Spouse
Have you ever been around one of those couples who just never seem to have an unkind word to say about each other . . . or to each other? An “attitude of gratitude” can transform your marriage from good to great.
New Study Shows Big Drop in Divorce
Headlines about Millennials divorcing less splashed across the news outlets this past week. Phillip Cohen from University of Maryland recently published a study focusing on the noteworthy decline of divorce […]
The Best Way to Handle Conflict? Be Best Friends with Your Spouse
Matt and Jessie never used to fight, but there have been a lot of arguments, or almost-arguments, the last few months. Matt is on the verge of losing his job […]
Hurt Feelings? Try This One Thing To Change Your Perspective
After finding herself on the receiving end of her husband’s hurtful behavior one too many times, Andrea questioned me about a principle I shared in my book The Surprising Secrets […]
3 Things to Do When You’re Disappointed By Your Spouse
Every single one of us has been very disappointed by our spouse from time to time. Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be the end of the story.
5 Steps to Make Your Marriage Explode (in a Good Way!)
Assume the best of your spouse’s intentions toward you: in other words, that your spouse really does love you, respect you, and wants the best for you.
Want a happy marriage? 3 Ways to Nix All Marriage Negativity
There’s a couple I know who just seems to have their act together. They’re a joy to be around and it’s obvious that they genuinely like being around each other, […]
Motive Matters: Believing the Best of Your Spouse
Dear Shaunti, In one of your books, you say it’s important to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions. But all that does is give your spouse license to hurt […]
2 Things to Do if You Want Your Teen to Talk to You
“How was school?” (Shrug.) “Fine.” “What did you do?” “Nothin’.” If this sounds familiar, join the club! Not only do I have two teenagers, but I’ve interviewed and surveyed about 3,000 […]
Want a Great Marriage? Ask yourself this sneakily important question!
Whether you want to improve a difficult marriage or celebrate a great one, I’ve seen in all the research — especially for The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages — that […]
Believing the Best Isn’t Letting Him Off the Hook
Dear Shaunti, In one of your books, you say it’s important to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions. But all that does is give your spouse license to hurt […]
Guys wonder: do compliments really matter? Three things your wife is secretly thinking:
“Am I beautiful?” You may think your wife is beautiful, adorable, sexy, and you love to look at her. And yet…. she probably sees all her flaws instead. She has deep […]
Diamond Disappointment: If the ring is cheap, does it mean his feelings are too?
Dear Shaunti, The day my boyfriend asked me to marry him was one of the happiest days of my life. He went all out: perfect location, meaningful words, and down […]
When Talking Politics with your Mate, Disarm and Listen
Dear Shaunti, I can’t wait until the presidential election is over. My husband and I were on the same page politically until a few months ago, but are now very […]
Huntley Street: Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages
Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: Do the Little Things. Shaunti spent three years interviewing and surveying 1,000 couples to uncover the most important habits of the most happily married […]
Realistic Tips for Reeling Him Back In
Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been married 22 years and I love him, but we’ve been arguing a lot lately. We both work a lot and have two children […]
Time to Hang up the Hurt, Hang out Together, and Hang On
Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been married for 20 years. I still care for my husband, but for the most part, I avoid him. I find him difficult […]
Does being "all-in" mean not having boundaries?
Dear Shaunti, I just finished your book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, and learned a lot. But I also noticed that one of your research findings is the […]
Spill Out Your Secrets To Fill Up Your Marriage
Dear Shaunti, Just before I got married, my grandmother presented me with a check – more zeroes than I’d ever seen next to my name – with the stipulation that […]
The (Wandering) Eye of Tiger: Did Woods’ Girlfriend Really Leave Him Because He Didn’t Spend Enough Time with Her?
Dear Shaunti, My wife and I got into a “discussion” the other day that has me baffled. She’d read that Tiger Woods and his girlfriend, Lindsey Vonn, said they broke […]
Complaining kills, but discussion heals
Dear Shaunti, I know you’re a researcher, but I think most marriage researchers are off the mark. See, I’m a direct person; that’s just how I roll. And think in […]
Should I read my wife’s texts?
Dear Shaunti, My wife is the best person I know; she’s funny, warm, affectionate, and a hard worker. She’s also a great homemaker for me and our kids. We could […]
When you’re seeing the negative in your spouse, avoid people who pile on – and spend time with encouragers instead
Tip #54: When you’re seeing the negative in your spouse, avoid people who pile on – and spend time with encouragers instead While I was in the middle of my […]
2 is better than 1: Facing Conflict Together
Dear Shaunti, I work a lot of hours, and when I’m at home, I don’t want conflict. Problem is, we’ve had a lot of conflict recently – we’re both stressed […]
Choose what type of couple you want to be.
Tip #52: Choose what type of couple you want to be. One night recently, I had to stop everything, and write something down. Because it was far, far too important […]
Negative wife? Here’s how to stop the cycle!
Dear Shaunti, My wife and I are making a concerted effort to improve our marriage. Although she is a wonderful woman and a great mother, it drives me crazy at […]
Face Conflict Head On Even When You Want to Peace-Out
Dear Shaunti, My husband and I never used to fight, but there have been a lot of fights, or almost-fights, the last few months. My husband is on the verge […]
When things get heated, be more kind.
A note from Shaunti: As many of you know, we just completed the 30 Day Kindness Challenge on Valentine’s Day. This post is just one small go-forward reminder to all […]
Husbands, say “we’re okay” before sleeping on it
Welcome to Marriage Mondays! Each Monday, join me as I share my top findings on the little, eye-opening things that make a big difference in creating great marriages and relationships. […]
Gain Lots of Mileage with Little Gestures
Dear Shaunti: I’m married to a wonderful woman whom I dearly love. The problem is, she doesn’t believe it! No matter how much I tell her I love her, how […]
Wives, if your husband ever seems inconsiderate, assume he doesn’t want to be
Welcome to Marriage Mondays! Each Monday, join me as I share my top findings on the little, eye-opening things about men, women, and relationships that make a big difference in […]
Killing the Divorce Myth With Kindness
Many of you have written to me asking what I think about this The Atlantic article, “Masters of Love,” that has been making the rounds in cyberspace. The article shares some […]
Banish the D-Word
Tip #39: Banish the D-word Are there some words that you try to keep out of your vocabulary? In our family, from the time our kids were little they knew […]
When Sleeping Handsome ruins a date night
Dear Shaunti: I’m so angry with my husband that I could spit. Every now and then Dave ignores a much-needed opportunity for us to be together, and does something else […]
Marriage Monday: Wives, have realistic expectations and share them with your husband
Tip #31: Wives, have realistic expectations and share them with your husband Happy spouses help create happy marriages! Makes sense right? And it turns out that one of the things […]
Zipping My Lip Finally Paid Off
Guest blog by Julie Fidler For four years, my husband worked full-time with disturbed and often violent children while going to college online. A few months ago, he marched in […]
Calling All Teens!
Are you a teenager who would like to discuss my books? Would your son or daughter like a place to talk about For Young Women Only or For Young Men […]
Marriage Monday: Be All-In – and Don't Believe the Myth of the High Divorce Rate
Marriage Tip: In a second marriage, be “all in” instead of trying to protect yourself… and don’t believe the myth of the high divorce rate. If you’re on your second […]
Marriage Monday: Mutually Reconnect With Your Spouse After Conflict
Tip #26: When you and your mate experience hurt feelings and conflict, mutually reconnect by sharing a private signal that says “We’re okay.” When it comes to marriage, it turns […]
Marriage Mondays: Get in Over Your Head
Tip #23: Get in Over Your Head Man, our culture doesn’t always make it easy to stay married, does it? One of the most bogus messages we hear about marriage is […]
Be Grateful For His Creativity Rather Than Grumpy About His Clutter
Dear Shaunti, My husband seems to miss the point of giving me “down time.” When I get out of the house for a few hours, and he is with our […]
Sticks and Stones: Your Words Can Build (or Demolish) Your Husband's Security
Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been married only three months – and I’ll be lucky to see four since apparently I hurt him really badly last weekend without […]
Small Changes Make Big Differences
Tip 13: Realize that several small changes usually make the big difference One of the most effective things we can do to encourage our marriages is to knock down the […]
Believe You Hit the Jackpot
Secret #10: Believe You Hit the Jackpot Here’s a thought to consider: if we gave our spouses more credit for their role in the good things in our marriages…would they […]
Don’t Tell It Like It Is
Marriage Month Daily Tip: Don’t Tell It Like It Is Have you ever been out in public and heard someone talking to their spouse in a way that made you […]
Have Great – But Realistic – Expectations
Marriage Month Daily Tip: Have Great – But Realistic — Expectations One of the main reasons for unhappiness is having an expectation that is not met. You thought you deserved […]