Shaunti Feldhahn

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3 Things NOT To Say When Your Wife Is Worried

Men, have you ever found yourself wanting to roll your eyes and mutter under your breath when your wife shares yet another worry that is keeping her up at night? Maybe it seems like she’s always stressing out about something and you just don’t know how to respond because you don’t feel the same way. […]

Men: Here’s the Phrase that Will Make Your Wife Amazingly Happy

At a recent marriage conference, a man sidled up to me and began talking while keeping an eye on his wife nearby, clearly trying to ask a question before she noticed. “So,” he said in a low voice, “I say ‘I love you’ a lot. But it seems to sort of bounce off. It’s like she […]

4 Phrases That Make You Your Wife’s Hero

There’s a reason why superhero movies are so popular, right? What’s not to love about someone who defies all odds, defeats the villain, rescues the vulnerable and saves the day? And while most of you men do not wear a cape on a regular basis, I know from my research for the book For Men […]

3 Reasons Your Wife Won’t Tell You Exactly What She Wants

Not long ago, someone we know got engaged via a multi-stage, elaborate proposal that had clearly taken an immense amount of thought and effort. A mutual friend, upon hearing the story, told him, “Good job. Only 9,999,999 tests left to go.” The lucky groom, of course, wondered: why do women “test” and “play games” with […]

Big Fight? What Every Husband Needs To Know

Men, have you ever found yourself feeling frustrated when, after a fight with your wife, she seems to doubt your relationship and commitment? It made perfect sense to you that you stopped talking to her when you were mad. You were worried you might say something stupid and be a total jerk. But the next […]

How to Surprise Your Wife In Ways That Will Delight Her

Men, have you ever been surprised when you’ve tried to surprise your wife? I heard just such a story recently, and I’ll bet you can feel this guy’s pain. Even though baseball tickets at the new stadium were WAY out of their budget, this guy knew his wife would LOVE to go – and he unexpectedly […]

Don't forget this simple way to make your wife happy

Dear Shaunti, I’m in hot water. My wife is the most beautiful, amazing woman I know. (I’m sure she’d tell you otherwise, but it’s true.) But I just don’t talk a lot, and it is hard for me to remember to say things like “You look pretty” out loud. Last week, she had an epic melt-down […]

Every woman desperately wants to hear this essential phrase

Every little girl dreams of finding her prince and knowing she is his princess. Husbands, you need to know that even after years of marriage, your wife probably still has some of that little girl inside. A little girl who wants to know she is still your leading lady. And one of the greatest ways you can […]

Relationship Rules Good Couples Break | Reader’s Digest

Which relationship rules can be broken, how and why? This article includes Shaunti’s research from The Kindness Challenge. Read More  

11 Signs You Can Totally Trust Your Partner

Reader’s Digest Article by Marissa Laliberte While part of trust is simply taking your partner’s word, these little indicators make it easier to know you’re in a loving, stable relationship. 11 Signs You Can Totally Trust Your Partner

Men, Avoid This Sneaky Trap That Will Kill Your Marriage

Last week, speaking primarily to women, we revealed the sneaky trap that will quietly but efficiently kill any marriage: Never, ever, ever think your spouse “shouldn’t” be hurt by something that wouldn’t hurt you. The same trap can and often does ensnare men. For both men and women, we often completely forget (or brush off […]

Will My Man Love Me Even When I Act Unlovable?

Several people have passed along this hilarious GIF – but have also wondered why it strikes such a chord to see a little girl’s ugly tantrum and the caption “I need a man who loves me even when I act like this.” In fact, in a recent column, I explained to men (based on my […]

3 Reasons Your Wife Plays Games Instead of Telling You What She Wants

Not long ago, someone we know got engaged via a multi-stage, elaborate proposal that had clearly taken an immense amount of thought and effort. A mutual friend, upon hearing the story, told him, “Good job. Only 9,999,999 tests left to go.” The lucky groom, of course, wondered: why do women “test” and “play games” with […]

Men: Want to make your wife insanely happy? Try this one phrase.

The man sidled up to me at one of our recent marriage conferences, and was clearly trying to ask a question before his wife noticed. “So I say ‘I love you’ a lot,” he explained in a low voice, “But it seems to sort of bounce off. It’s like she discounts whether that is really […]

Guys: 3 ways to listen well to your wife

Men, finish this sentence. Your wife is upset and says “I don’t want you to fix it, I just want you to ____.” Most of you have heard that… and most of you are confused because you think you are listening! So, guys, from our research about women here are 3 simple tips to clear […]

Some hysterical memes about the differences between men and women

People always send me memes about the differences between men and women. Some of them are too raunchy to post, but this one was (fairly) tame and made me laugh out loud. Mostly because A) it fits so well with my research but also B) because I see myself and Jeff in so many of […]

Men: Four phrases that make you a hero to your wife

Guys, I know from the For Men Only research that you want to make your wife happy. And in many ways you already do! But if you want to hit the happiness jackpot, here are the four phrases that (in roughly 80% of cases) will put you into hero category: 1. “Here, let me do that…” […]

Dads: Four Phrases a Daughter Needs to Hear From You

Dads, we know you love your daughter. And you know you love your daughter. But you might be surprised at much she needs to hear it. In the research with teens and preteens for For Parents Only, I found that these four phrases have a lot more impact than you might think. And as you’ll […]

We're a fan of iDisciple – and we think you will be, too!

We’re a fan of iDisciple – and we think you will be, too! Check out iDisciple, a platform that provides an engaging on-the-go resource for growing closer to Christ. We hope you enjoy the app! You also can find additional content from Shaunti using iDisciple’s Life Themes, which brings transformational content to your fingertips. We know your […]

Is your wife worried about something? 3 things to NEVER say.

1. “Just don’t think about it.” Women have no idea what that means. If she’s worried that her best friend suddenly isn’t talking to her, she has no way to not think about it. As men, you have this amazing ability to close out an unwelcome thought – almost like closing out a window on your computer […]

How do I convince my wife to let me see her body?

Dear Shaunti, OK, awkward question but here goes: how can I convince my wife to let me see her in all her glory? We have a decent sex life, we don’t have any real marriage problems, and I’m careful to not check out other women. But she still seems to feel like how she looks […]

I’m Unhealthy and My Wife is Unhappy

Dear Shaunti, Things haven’t been great between me and my wife the past few months. I’m not happy at work, we’re behind on our bills, and I’ve been pretty down. I’ve gained thirty pounds in the last year from eating a lot of junk and watching a lot of TV, which is not good because […]

My Lady Is A Loose Cannon

Dear Shaunti, I used to think I was crazy, but these days I feel like I’m the stable one in our house. I recently read a news report where this guy called 911 because his wife refused to speak to him. It’s ridiculous, but I can relate. Just a couple days ago, we were out […]

Men, When Your Wife Worries Give Her Your Understanding, Not Your Frustration

Tip 53: Men, When Your Wife Worries Give Her Your Understanding, Not Your Frustration Guys, I know this is a huge shocker, but…. women’s brains are wired differently than men’s. I know there are times when you as a husband probably feel completely baffled by your wife’s thoughts and actions. One man recently shared with […]

Husbands, reassure your wife

Tip #50: Husbands, when you are angry or upset with your wife and need to get some space, reassure her that “We’re okay” before you pull away – and give her a hug when you come back. — There is one fairly simple thing you as a guy can do that will dramatically increase your […]

Make-Up Sex: Does it Exist Beyond the Locker Room?

Dear Shaunti, The other day, I got into a big fight with my wife. In an attempt to make things right, I tried to get intimate–and she got furious! We’ve only been married a few years, and honestly we don’t fight that much. But I’ve heard from lots of friends that make up sex is […]

What Women Want … In a War of Words

Dear Shaunti, The other day, I got into a huge fight with my wife. I was mad and couldn’t talk to her. I was worried I would say something bad and be a total jerk. But the next day when things simmered down, she told me she didn’t know if I still loved her. Seriously?! […]

Taking a “Second Glance” at a Woman

When I was writing my book For Women Only, one of the subjects I struggled with the most was what I was learning about men’s visual nature, and the fact that even the most godly, devoted husband had an automatic temptation to notice when an attractive woman who was showing off her figure walked by. […]

Am I Beautiful?

See if this pulls up a familiar image in your mind: a dutiful husband is pulling “purse duty” just outside the changing rooms as his wife tries on new clothes at the mall when, suddenly, his wife emerges and proclaims that nothing “looks right.” And how many guys have been dressed, sitting on the couch […]

What Does It Mean to Lead Your Daughter Spiritually?

What Does It Mean to Lead Your Daughter Spiritually? Guest post by Dr. Michelle J. Watson. Dads…I realize that I may be treading on sacred ground here as I provide you with suggestions about what it means to be a spiritual influence in your daughter’s life, so please understand that I am approaching this subject […]

Husbands, signal love in a way she can feel it

Tip #41: Husbands, signal love in a way she can feel it Recently at an event, a man came up to me looking worried – and confused. His wife had just told him that she felt they were “settling” in their marriage. That their marriage was mediocre. That she didn’t feel particularly loved. He was […]

The Science of Seducation: Create Chemistry by Getting Physical

Dear Shaunti, My wife is constantly nagging me about taking care of myself, but I feel like I’m doing a good enough job where that is concerned. I work out sometimes, and try to eat healthy when I can, although I do enjoy some junk food! Lately, I’ve been noticing that she seems to be […]

The Father Wound of Anger

The Father Wound of ANGER Guest post by Michelle J. Watson, PhD, LPC drmichellewatson.com If you were to walk up to me and ask, “Michelle, if you could give me one piece of advice about where to deliberately focus my attention so that I’m not perpetuating the cycle of father wounds onto my daughter, what […]

Why won’t my wife trust me?

Dear Shaunti, You say that women have worries that pop up in their minds, almost like open windows on a computer. I see that in my wife every day – but to me, it looks like she just doesn’t trust me at all. And it’s become a huge issue in our marriage. For example, I’m in […]

Husbands, get in the habit of telling your wife she is beautiful

Tip #32: Husbands, get in the habit of telling your wife she is beautiful. Every little girl dreams of finding her prince and knowing she is his princess. Husbands, you need to know that even after years of marriage, your wife probably still has some of that little girl inside. A little girl who wants to […]

Connection Resurrection: Bringing Back The Spark

Dear Shaunti: I’ve been married for 15 years, and my wife is a great mom, a great wife, and my best friend. I feel like things are going great. My wife, on the other hand, has started telling me that we’ve “settled” for a mediocre marriage. I tell her I love her every day, but […]

Prep Time In the Bathroom Could Pay Off In the Bedroom

Dear Shaunti: I used to really look forward to our Friday night date nights, but they’ve become a source of tension. For meetings at work, my wife is spot on time. But for our dates, she takes SO LONG getting ready you’d think she’s about to compete on “Dancing with the Stars.” I’m a pretty […]

Marriage Mondays: Encourage Your Wife to Resolve Her Worries

Tip #24: Men, instead of saying “Just don’t let it bother you” encourage your wife’s actions to resolve what is worrying her. Husbands, imagine this scene: all week your wife has been a bit preoccupied and upset about something going on with her relationship with her mom. You have listened to her, encouraged her, she […]

Men, Listen and Understand Your Wife’s Feelings First

Marriage Mondays: Men, Listen and Understand Your Wife’s Feelings First Every guy has been there. Your wife comes home from work or school or managing a playdate, very upset about something that happened. Let’s say that someone she thought was a close co-worker threw her under the bus and got her in trouble with her […]

Men: If you want more sex, give her better anticipation time

Marriage Month Tip 19: Men: If you want more sex, give her better anticipation time Although some couples are the opposite in this way, in many cases the husband wishes his wife would be eager more often. Guys, there is a way to solve this, but you have learn something critical about women – and […]

Your Wife Just Wants to Be With You

Marriage Month Tip Of The Day: Your Wife Just Wants to Be With You I met a woman recently named Anna. For years now, she has been talking about how great it would be for the family to rent a nice cottage at a beach resort for a week. For her birthday, her husband surprised […]

She Values Your Time More than Your Cash

Dear Shaunti, For years now, my wife has been talking about how great it would be to rent a condo and spend a full week in a cottage at the beach. So for her birthday I surprised her with reservations for fall break. She was so excited – until she learned that I agreed to […]

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