Shaunti Feldhahn

Helping People Thrive in Life and Relationships

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Is Your Wife Shy About Letting You See Her Body? Try This!

I recently heard from a man who was feeling frustrated because his wife is so shy about letting him see her body. He’s happy in their marriage and satisfied with their sex life, and he’s careful not to eye other women. But his wife still seems to feel like she’s not “enough” somehow. She says […]

Does Your Wife Think Your Marriage Has Lost its Spark? Here’s How to Respond

After getting their youngest child settled in at college for her freshman year, Phil began to notice signs of restlessness in his wife during their first few weeks of being empty nesters. Phil thought things were going great in their marriage—Leslie was a wonderful mom, a great wife, and his best friend. But now that […]

Why Your Wife Wants to Text You All Day

Recently, a man at one of my conferences spoke up about a marital issue that had been bubbling up for a few months. He works long hours in a high-stress job, and his wife texted or called him several times a day to talk about small matters such as dinner plans or what happened on […]

Does Your Wife Worry How You’ll React When She Shares?

I know what it’s like to take a daughter to college, and it’s not easy. So when a man shared this story with me, I could understand why his wife was acting the way she was. And it wasn’t her that needed to change; it was him. After they dropped off their daughter for her […]

Men, Improve Your Love Life by Taking Care of Yourself

Guys, is your wife constantly encouraging—or even nagging—you to take better care of yourself? I recently heard from a man who thought he was doing a decent job in that area. He—like you, perhaps—works out sometimes and tries to eat healthy when he can, although he does enjoy junk food and (literally!) gets caught with […]

Improve Your Sex Life by Accommodating Your Wife’s Needs

After hearing yet another variation on the “not tonight, dear, I have a headache,” Dan turned over and tried to go to sleep. Disappointed and frustrated, he wondered why he always had to be the one to initiate sex, and when he did, his wife was frequently less than enthusiastic or altogether uninterested. Even though […]

Marriage Itself Doesn’t Make Your Wife Happy

Guys, if you think things are going fine in your marriage, but you hear your wife asking perplexing questions like, “Do you really love me?” or “What happened to the romance?” see her questions as red flashing warning lights. They are alerting you to something you need to take seriously. (Thankfully, based on years of research […]

Your Wife Needs You to Tell Her She’s Beautiful

Men, have you ever had a date with your wife take a turn for the worse and you didn’t know why? You’d probably both been looking forward to date night, with some time away from the kids and a special outing planned. But by the time you got to your destination your wife was in […]

5 Easy Ways a Dad Can Connect With His Teen Daughter’s Heart

**This article is part of our August and September 2018 Guest Blog series. During a particular intense ‘sandwich generation’ season (launching my daughter to college and my son to high school, helping my parents move to Atlanta, and tackling a major research deadline), I am taking this opportunity to introduce my readers to the insight […]

Husbands — Not So Fast With The Intimacy After An Argument

It started off as a nice Saturday, right? Doing yard work together, going for a walk, and even a sitter scheduled for the evening. But then it seemed to go south fast with an argument about paying off the credit card versus taking a vacation at the lake. You want to get your finances under […]

3 Things NOT To Say When Your Wife Is Worried

Men, have you ever found yourself wanting to roll your eyes and mutter under your breath when your wife shares yet another worry that is keeping her up at night? Maybe it seems like she’s always stressing out about something and you just don’t know how to respond because you don’t feel the same way. […]

Men: Here’s the Phrase that Will Make Your Wife Amazingly Happy

At a recent marriage conference, a man sidled up to me and began talking while keeping an eye on his wife nearby, clearly trying to ask a question before she noticed. “So,” he said in a low voice, “I say ‘I love you’ a lot. But it seems to sort of bounce off. It’s like she […]

4 Phrases That Make You Your Wife’s Hero

There’s a reason why superhero movies are so popular, right? What’s not to love about someone who defies all odds, defeats the villain, rescues the vulnerable and saves the day? And while most of you men do not wear a cape on a regular basis, I know from my research for the book For Men […]

3 Reasons Your Wife Won’t Tell You Exactly What She Wants

Not long ago, someone we know got engaged via a multi-stage, elaborate proposal that had clearly taken an immense amount of thought and effort. A mutual friend, upon hearing the story, told him, “Good job. Only 9,999,999 tests left to go.” The lucky groom, of course, wondered: why do women “test” and “play games” with […]

Big Fight? What Every Husband Needs To Know

Men, have you ever found yourself feeling frustrated when, after a fight with your wife, she seems to doubt your relationship and commitment? It made perfect sense to you that you stopped talking to her when you were mad. You were worried you might say something stupid and be a total jerk. But the next […]

How to Surprise Your Wife In Ways That Will Delight Her

Men, have you ever been surprised when you’ve tried to surprise your wife? I heard just such a story recently, and I’ll bet you can feel this guy’s pain. Even though baseball tickets at the new stadium were WAY out of their budget, this guy knew his wife would LOVE to go – and he unexpectedly […]

Don't forget this simple way to make your wife happy

Dear Shaunti, I’m in hot water. My wife is the most beautiful, amazing woman I know. (I’m sure she’d tell you otherwise, but it’s true.) But I just don’t talk a lot, and it is hard for me to remember to say things like “You look pretty” out loud. Last week, she had an epic melt-down […]

Every woman desperately wants to hear this essential phrase

Every little girl dreams of finding her prince and knowing she is his princess. Husbands, you need to know that even after years of marriage, your wife probably still has some of that little girl inside. A little girl who wants to know she is still your leading lady. And one of the greatest ways you can […]

Relationship Rules Good Couples Break | Reader’s Digest

Which relationship rules can be broken, how and why? This article includes Shaunti’s research from The Kindness Challenge. Read More  

11 Signs You Can Totally Trust Your Partner

Reader’s Digest Article by Marissa Laliberte While part of trust is simply taking your partner’s word, these little indicators make it easier to know you’re in a loving, stable relationship. 11 Signs You Can Totally Trust Your Partner

Men, Avoid This Sneaky Trap That Will Kill Your Marriage

Last week, speaking primarily to women, we revealed the sneaky trap that will quietly but efficiently kill any marriage: Never, ever, ever think your spouse “shouldn’t” be hurt by something that wouldn’t hurt you. The same trap can and often does ensnare men. For both men and women, we often completely forget (or brush off […]

Will My Man Love Me Even When I Act Unlovable?

Several people have passed along this hilarious GIF – but have also wondered why it strikes such a chord to see a little girl’s ugly tantrum and the caption “I need a man who loves me even when I act like this.” In fact, in a recent column, I explained to men (based on my […]

3 Reasons Your Wife Plays Games Instead of Telling You What She Wants

Not long ago, someone we know got engaged via a multi-stage, elaborate proposal that had clearly taken an immense amount of thought and effort. A mutual friend, upon hearing the story, told him, “Good job. Only 9,999,999 tests left to go.” The lucky groom, of course, wondered: why do women “test” and “play games” with […]

Men: Want to make your wife insanely happy? Try this one phrase.

The man sidled up to me at one of our recent marriage conferences, and was clearly trying to ask a question before his wife noticed. “So I say ‘I love you’ a lot,” he explained in a low voice, “But it seems to sort of bounce off. It’s like she discounts whether that is really […]

Guys: 3 ways to listen well to your wife

Men, finish this sentence. Your wife is upset and says “I don’t want you to fix it, I just want you to ____.” Most of you have heard that… and most of you are confused because you think you are listening! So, guys, from our research about women here are 3 simple tips to clear […]

Some hysterical memes about the differences between men and women

People always send me memes about the differences between men and women. Some of them are too raunchy to post, but this one was (fairly) tame and made me laugh out loud. Mostly because A) it fits so well with my research but also B) because I see myself and Jeff in so many of […]

Men: Four phrases that make you a hero to your wife

Guys, I know from the For Men Only research that you want to make your wife happy. And in many ways you already do! But if you want to hit the happiness jackpot, here are the four phrases that (in roughly 80% of cases) will put you into hero category: 1. “Here, let me do that…” […]

Dads: Four Phrases a Daughter Needs to Hear From You

Dads, we know you love your daughter. And you know you love your daughter. But you might be surprised at much she needs to hear it. In the research with teens and preteens for For Parents Only, I found that these four phrases have a lot more impact than you might think. And as you’ll […]

We're a fan of iDisciple – and we think you will be, too!

We’re a fan of iDisciple – and we think you will be, too! Check out iDisciple, a platform that provides an engaging on-the-go resource for growing closer to Christ. We hope you enjoy the app! You also can find additional content from Shaunti using iDisciple’s Life Themes, which brings transformational content to your fingertips. We know your […]

Is your wife worried about something? 3 things to NEVER say.

1. “Just don’t think about it.” Women have no idea what that means. If she’s worried that her best friend suddenly isn’t talking to her, she has no way to not think about it. As men, you have this amazing ability to close out an unwelcome thought – almost like closing out a window on your computer […]

How do I convince my wife to let me see her body?

Dear Shaunti, OK, awkward question but here goes: how can I convince my wife to let me see her in all her glory? We have a decent sex life, we don’t have any real marriage problems, and I’m careful to not check out other women. But she still seems to feel like how she looks […]

I’m Unhealthy and My Wife is Unhappy

Dear Shaunti, Things haven’t been great between me and my wife the past few months. I’m not happy at work, we’re behind on our bills, and I’ve been pretty down. I’ve gained thirty pounds in the last year from eating a lot of junk and watching a lot of TV, which is not good because […]

My Lady Is A Loose Cannon

Dear Shaunti, I used to think I was crazy, but these days I feel like I’m the stable one in our house. I recently read a news report where this guy called 911 because his wife refused to speak to him. It’s ridiculous, but I can relate. Just a couple days ago, we were out […]

Men, When Your Wife Worries Give Her Your Understanding, Not Your Frustration

Tip 53: Men, When Your Wife Worries Give Her Your Understanding, Not Your Frustration Guys, I know this is a huge shocker, but…. women’s brains are wired differently than men’s. I know there are times when you as a husband probably feel completely baffled by your wife’s thoughts and actions. One man recently shared with […]

Husbands, reassure your wife

Tip #50: Husbands, when you are angry or upset with your wife and need to get some space, reassure her that “We’re okay” before you pull away – and give her a hug when you come back. — There is one fairly simple thing you as a guy can do that will dramatically increase your […]

Make-Up Sex: Does it Exist Beyond the Locker Room?

Dear Shaunti, The other day, I got into a big fight with my wife. In an attempt to make things right, I tried to get intimate–and she got furious! We’ve only been married a few years, and honestly we don’t fight that much. But I’ve heard from lots of friends that make up sex is […]

What Women Want … In a War of Words

Dear Shaunti, The other day, I got into a huge fight with my wife. I was mad and couldn’t talk to her. I was worried I would say something bad and be a total jerk. But the next day when things simmered down, she told me she didn’t know if I still loved her. Seriously?! […]

Taking a “Second Glance” at a Woman

When I was writing my book For Women Only, one of the subjects I struggled with the most was what I was learning about men’s visual nature, and the fact that even the most godly, devoted husband had an automatic temptation to notice when an attractive woman who was showing off her figure walked by. […]

Am I Beautiful?

See if this pulls up a familiar image in your mind: a dutiful husband is pulling “purse duty” just outside the changing rooms as his wife tries on new clothes at the mall when, suddenly, his wife emerges and proclaims that nothing “looks right.” And how many guys have been dressed, sitting on the couch […]

What Does It Mean to Lead Your Daughter Spiritually?

What Does It Mean to Lead Your Daughter Spiritually? Guest post by Dr. Michelle J. Watson. Dads…I realize that I may be treading on sacred ground here as I provide you with suggestions about what it means to be a spiritual influence in your daughter’s life, so please understand that I am approaching this subject […]

Husbands, signal love in a way she can feel it

Tip #41: Husbands, signal love in a way she can feel it Recently at an event, a man came up to me looking worried – and confused. His wife had just told him that she felt they were “settling” in their marriage. That their marriage was mediocre. That she didn’t feel particularly loved. He was […]

The Science of Seduction: Create Chemistry by Getting Physical

Dear Shaunti, My wife is constantly nagging me about taking care of myself, but I feel like I’m doing a good enough job where that is concerned. I work out sometimes, and try to eat healthy when I can, although I do enjoy some junk food! Lately, I’ve been noticing that she seems to be […]

The Father Wound of Anger

The Father Wound of ANGER Guest post by Michelle J. Watson, PhD, LPC drmichellewatson.com If you were to walk up to me and ask, “Michelle, if you could give me one piece of advice about where to deliberately focus my attention so that I’m not perpetuating the cycle of father wounds onto my daughter, what […]

Why won’t my wife trust me?

Dear Shaunti, You say that women have worries that pop up in their minds, almost like open windows on a computer. I see that in my wife every day – but to me, it looks like she just doesn’t trust me at all. And it’s become a huge issue in our marriage. For example, I’m in […]