Resources

For Couples


Believing the Best Isn’t Letting Him Off the Hook

Dear Shaunti, In one of your books, you say it’s important to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions.  But all that does is give your spouse license to hurt you again and again without consequences.  Who cares what their intentions are, if the result is pain?  My husband says things that are harsh to me and the kids, and…read more →

When Talking Politics with your Mate, Disarm and Listen

Dear Shaunti, I can’t wait until the presidential election is over.  My husband and I were on the same page politically until a few months ago, but are now very divided.  I literally can’t skim past a cable news channel without my husband trying to force me into a discussion about a political issue. He’s trying to “convert” me to…read more →

Realistic Tips for Reeling Him Back In

Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been married 22 years and I love him, but we’ve been arguing a lot lately.  We both work a lot and have two children busy with extracurricular activities, so we spend a good bit of time apart. I tend to be a control freak and, as my husband says, I freak out if…read more →

Time to Hang up the Hurt, Hang out Together, and Hang On

Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been married for 20 years. I still care for my husband, but for the most part, I avoid him. I find him difficult to be around. I really don’t enjoy his company. I have felt hurt, disrespected and uncared for so many times that I have up some serious walls that I don’t…read more →

Does being “all-in” mean not having boundaries?

Dear Shaunti, I just finished your book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, and learned a lot.  But I also noticed that one of your research findings is the importance of not holding anything back emotionally.  Yet I’m also reading Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud. It feels like a tension there between his conclusion and yours.  Can’t boundaries…read more →

New Research on Divorce Risks & Age of Marriage

Question: I saw that chances of divorce rise again for those married over age 32.  Is that true? New Research on Divorce Risks & Age of Marriage You may have seen the alarming articles, warning readers that now getting married at a later age will increase your chances of divorce. Yes, a new study did come out showing that delaying too…read more →

Spill Out Your Secrets To Fill Up Your Marriage

Dear Shaunti, Just before I got married, my grandmother presented me with a check – more zeroes than I’d ever seen next to my name – with the stipulation that it was my “special” fund. I was to park the money someplace safe and use it only for me; she advised me not to tell my husband-to-be about it. I…read more →

Complaining kills, but discussion heals

Dear Shaunti, I know you’re a researcher, but I think most marriage researchers are off the mark. See, I’m a direct person; that’s just how I roll.  And think in marriage it’s important to get things off our chest and let the other person know when they are doing something that bugs us. So I was delighted when I heard…read more →

Should I read my wife’s texts?

Dear Shaunti, My wife is the best person I know; she’s funny, warm, affectionate, and a hard worker. She’s also a great homemaker for me and our kids. We could have a fantastic marriage. The problem is me. I have no reason to suspect her of anything at all. In fact, I’m sure she’s never even considered cheating on me,…read more →