Research: Survey Verbatims – How Men Think in the Workplace: The one thing they most wanted to say (from the books For Women Only in the Workplace and The Male Factor)

MF-FWOWPThe verbatim answers of surveyed men to:

Question 31: Please provide an example of something that even a skilled woman might unintentionally do that undermines her effectiveness or perception with men.

Click here to read the responses for this question.

Question 33: Finally, if you could give one piece of advice to women in the workplace, what is the one most important thing you would say to them?

Click here to read the responses for this question.

Respect

Be Too Aggressive

  • Acting overly aggressive or overly confident in the workplace.
  • Being overly aggressive.
  • Argues a point inappropriately.
  • Being overly aggressive to make her point.
  • She may become overly aggressive.
  • They come off as being harsh when they are trying to be firm.

Act Too Tough or Confident

  • Act particularly tough and cynical.
  • Act like she’s not intimidated when she is.

Be Haughty or Bossy

  • Come off as haughty.
  • Making sure you know that she’s in charge.
  • Being bossy.

Be Forceful

  • Being too forceful in expressing their opinions or work ideas to make sure that they are accepted by men.
  • I think a skilled woman might overstep her boundaries and push her views or ideas on an issue when they were not requested.
  • Tries to take over a conversation that the man started. I see it all the time on news channels.

Nag

  • It might just be small, subtle things, like nagging and questioning him.
  • Sometimes they nag over deadlines long before they are due.

Stereotype Men

  • Having stereotypes about men.
  • Simple office tasks that women perceive men as incapable of handling, such as faxing and copying.

Use Pet Names

  • It could be the use of pet names and nicknames where none are desired or used by others.
  • Using phrases like “honey,” “darling” or “sweetie.”

Interrupt With Questions

  • Asks questions first before listening for the answer that may be coming later in the proposal.
  • Interrupts with multiple questions.

Tone, Volume of Voice, or Body Language

  • Tone.
  • Certain gestures, tones of voice.
  • The volume of her voice might be loud in order to be heard, but it might be considered aggressive.
  • Body language.

Think They Can Do Anything a Man Can Do

  • Their attitude says, “Anything you can do, I can do as well,” even though they may not be able to.
  • Thinking that she can do any job that a man can do. Not all jobs are right for both men and women.

Be Defensive

  • Being quick to defend their point of view or raise their voice when there is even the smallest hint of disagreement.
  • Sometimes women seem to think they have to prove they know more than a man and are not willing to accept constructive points that may improve their plan.

Miscelllaneous

  • Show more favor to one man in the meeting or room than to another.
  • Pours out neuroses onto even lower-ranking men who are really just there to do a simple task.
  • She will praise another woman to an extreme while question another man’s ability.
  • Not speaking in a professional manner. Using slang during a meeting.
  • Not carry herself with confidence, i.e. body language, such as staying seated when someone enters her workspace.
  • She becomes too vocal.
  • Make sexist comments.
  • I feel that what they recommend is sometimes actually meant to undermine you or disagree with you.
  • When a man acts like he would prefer to speak to a male than a woman.
  • She may make a general comment that would normally be accepted if a man said it, but because she is a female, it may be perceived as inappropriate.
  • A woman supervisor that is 10 to 15 years younger than some team members, and in monitoring sessions, comes across that she thinks she is better than they are, even though the other individuals may actually intimidate her with their ideas or feedback about certain procedures or situations. She may do something for a good, longtime customer that wouldn’t be done for new or bad customers and she knows it shouldn’t be done at all, even though the unit manager agreed with the other individual’s “thinking outside the box” about resolving the customers issue.
  • Tries to get in on conversations that she truly knows she knows nothing about, but tries to bluff.
  • Jumping to a conclusion about a person’s motivation or intention based on a brief instant or, for example, a non-verbal motion or communication.
  • Does something without discussing it first.
  • Sometimes skilled female coworkers have encountered so many situations where they had to fight for equal respect in the workplace that they are excessively aggressive with those who would have given them all the respect they are looking for. This often leads to damaged relationships with those who should be the best allies.
  • A woman can cook in advance and deliberately its entire arsenal in order to achieve its goal and will do so with great pleasure.
  • Expect to be followed without providing supporting information.
  • Get catty with you.
  • Try to outdo the other men in the workplace.
  • Sometimes women in power openly criticize men in front of their peers. This is not perceived well by men.
  • Competes too hard against the men to prove to herself she’s their equal. While it might be necessary to a degree, depending on the male colleagues, being overly competitive to compensate for gender differences can be quite annoying, particularly when the female thinks she’s better than her male counterparts. It’s annoying even when gender doesn’t enter into the equation.
  • Talk negatively about men when she knows they are listening. Let down their professional guard. Use inappropriate language.
  • Over-compensate instead of work within herself.
  • Act presumptuous.
  • Come off as dismissive.
  • Questioning an action or decision’s viability without having any type of alternate plan or suggestion to implement it.
  • She may relate to something from a purely female perspective and not consider that a man may perceive it differently.

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Be Yourself

Act Like a Man

  • Act like a man.
  • By trying too hard – and instead of reacting instinctively as a woman, try to be harder or “more male” than men.
  • Try to act overly tough.
  • Try to act manly.
  • Try too hard to be “one of the guys” by maybe telling a joke that she wouldn’t normally tell inside the workplace.
  • Trying too hard to be strong to appear more like a man.
  • Try to be “one of the boys,” when just being herself is all that is needed, wanted or expected.
  • Some women try to act tough around men. She is either perceived as lacking confidence, or trying to gain acceptance by being “one of the boys.” Women managers need to learn how to give orders without injecting gender into it.

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Get to the Point – Let it Go

Micromanage

  • They may tend to micromanage.
  • Most female managers I worked with seemed to have a chip on their shoulders regarding accepting suggestions or even results from men at the same level or below. I can say that women in managerial positions should be trained to be unbiased managers and to have better self-esteem so they can effectively work with men so they do not micromanage them, especially those who are better qualified to do the job at hand. They must learn that a manager looks great when their team does a great job.

Show Favoritism

  • Spend time with a colleague and not with the entire team.
  • Being overly nice or conciliatory to a coworker who doesn’t deserve it.
  • Being more sensitive to one person’s needs instead of treating everyone the same.

Be Catty

  • Being catty.
  • Being too involved in office politics and gossip. Being catty or nasty.
  • Talk about stereotypical things. (Being catty, etc.)
  • Catty remarks about colleagues.
  • Spiteful personal comments in response to situations where another’s judgment may or may not be in question.

Talk Unnecessarily

  • This sounds terrible, but [it is] the chatting. All the mindless talking that seems to take up the first half of any conversation.
  • Say things are “pretty” and “wonderful” that have nothing to do with the task at hand.
  • Women love to explain things in great detail even when the point has been made and all listeners comprehend what they are saying. They will still ramble on and on!
  • She is likely to be chatty at work. Not necessarily gossip, but simply more talkative.

Attempt to Make a Point Unnecessarily

  • Reiterate points from some discussions that were accepted and understood by others in the office.
  • Attempting to justify actions/decisions even when nobody has questioned or challenged her actions or decisions.
  • Arguing their case after a resolution has been established.

Get Lost in the Details

  • I think that women sometimes pay too much attention to small details and lose sight of the bigger picture.
  • Nit-pick about what other men would think is small stuff.

Miscellaneous

  • Have a tendency to be overly controlling or insistent about their position on a matter.
  • Some women get hung up on office politics and how they would change things at work.
  • Asking questions that seem irrelevant to the business as a whole or a specific project.
  • Become moody.
  • Tell the boss.
  • By playing male coworkers against each other – “He said this about you” – and then go back and tell the other male coworker what he had said.
  • Over-elaborating a certain issue or specific problem.
  • Bickering with another coworker.
  • Flip around on meeting dates, give too many options. For example, “What about anytime Tuesday or Wednesday?” versus “Tuesday at 10 a.m. and let me know if that will work for everyone.”
  • Makes a decision in the morning and changes it in the afternoon.
  • Explain things in a different way than a man would.
  • Take off on a tangent to show how she would have done things differently.
  • Being “ball-busters” instead of just getting to the point and solving the problem.
  • How she acts socially in a business.
  • Trying to structure the situation to be favorable to her.
  • Mind games; manipulative.
  • Try to use her power and knowledge to get attention.
  • Women and men must not allow themselves to rely on members of the same sex.
  • Inability to communicate in an effective manner. Men enjoy more of a hands-on approach to leadership. Tasks should, for the most part, be delegated with a “lead-by-example” mentality.
  • Some women who are skilled will not listen to other’s opinions. They are right about everything and will not discuss or listen to other sides.

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Move Past Gender

Use Femininity to Their Advantage

  • She uses her female “tools” to get her own way.
  • By trying to use her femininity as a bargaining chip.
  • Use her femininity to get what she wants.
  • Women may use their gender to their advantage. Let’s all play on a level playing field.
  • By playing the “female card.”

Go Back and Forth

  • Women managers, even skilled ones, can be manipulative. They use their feelings to get their way. They sort of switch back and forth from male to female. When they want to be in charge they act like one of the guys. When that doesn’t work or when they want something extra, all of a sudden they are in their “helpless female” role.
  • Sometimes even highly professional women go by a double standard. When the situation fits, they want to be treated as a professional, regardless of her gender. Other times, when it is convenient, they want to be treated as women. You cannot have it both ways, and when that happens it bothers me.

Miscellaneous

  • Draw gender differences.
  • Assume, since she is a woman, that things should go her way since she has looks and skills. Anybody that’s been in the military can tell you it seems that the women get promoted faster even without the skill.
  • The way they expect to be treated by other workers as just another worker but really prefer to have special rights and benefits just for being female.
  • Coming to work late and leaving early consistently because she has a young family when the men are expected to stay later because they have wives to take care of such things.
  • If a woman mentions, even in passing, that things are difficult for a woman sometimes. If it is not in a private setting, it can come across as being “whiney”.

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NPB

Attend to Personal Life While at Work

  • Talk on the phone about personal crap all the time.
  • Talk about your kids, boyfriend, siblings or little league and soccer games incessantly.”
  • Too much contact with the children at home during work hours.
  • Dealing with family problems during work hours.
  • She lets her personal life carry over to work, and lets it consume her time at work. We (the male managers) see that and it drives us crazy – it does happen to us, but not nearly as frequently as it does to her.
  • She might allow external issues, such as family, to intrude into her work day. It is expected that emergencies happen, or sometimes calls to schools, etc. might happen, but they should be scheduled away from tasks that are high-priority.
  • Too women may get into an emotional confrontation, and may not forgive each other for it. The after-effect is that a man that works between their two departments will have to suffer the hostility and bitterness between the two women, making them seem less desirable employees to upper management.

Miscellaneous

  • Laugh and talk a lot with the other women in the business, especially when it is with the support staff.
  • Getting too personal or friendly.
  • Supposes that her family is important to the rest of us.

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Be Competent

Are Gone Often

  • Take extra time off.
  • Is excessively absent.
  • When a woman has major responsibilities and does not show up because of minor physical or emotional problems. In other words, she doesn’t work through her obstacles to do her job.

Come Off as Unsure

  • Be more cautious about presenting an idea.
  • They put a questioning-type of intonation on a statement, which makes them seem unsure.
  • By maybe asking if she might be wrong about something she decided to do.
  • Some women apologize before getting into the explanation of their projects, giving a sense that they are not secure in what they have done.
  • Knowing that something is a good idea, but needing to ask others if they think it’s a good idea.

Act Girly

  • Act “bubbly.”
  • Put on makeup.
  • In the middle of a meeting she checks her makeup.
  • When women make an effort to make things too nice and it ends up turning out a little too “girly” instead of helping. It is just annoying.
  • Trying to be too cute.
  • Another example might be talking about activities or values that are considered feminine in our culture. Talking about it from time to time is one thing, but when they are characterized by it, it may hurt their perception of being considered strong and confident. (This is an extreme, but it illustrates the point. Say a woman makes frequent comments about cute animals or shopping for shoes. They start characterizing themselves as overtly feminine and they don’t realize they may be attaching unspoken labels to themselves (as opposed to trying to temper their comments or talk in this way.)
  • When mannerisms are mistaken for lack of intelligence, such as giggling, hair twirling, etc.
  • Use “like” all the time.
  • Fidgeting with her hair or trying to use her femininity as a bargaining chip.

Come Off as Ignorant or Stupid

  • Come off as ignorant.
  • She may sound as though she doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.
  • They might ask a lot of questions, or might not know how to do things.

Come Off as Unprepared

  • Attempt to explain a process or procedure without fully understanding the item she is addressing.
  • If they fail to ask questions, if they do not fully understand what the project entails or what is expected of them to get the project done.

Miscellaneous

  • How she presents herself, whether it’s in person or not.
  • She may be used to getting things her way without going “all out.”
  • They try too hard to excel. They should be more confident in their skills.
  • Display a feminine personality, which sometimes undermines their ability to handle difficult situations.
  • Often, they take a stance that does not reflect their knowledge of the situation and actually draws attention to the fact.
  • Gender is irrelevant–be competent
  • Always keep your confidence up.
  • Be confident in what you do, and let others know why what you do is important. Show that you are capable of responding to any situation in a positive manner.

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Emotions

Cry

  • Cry.
  • Cry in the workplace.
  • Crying and getting emotional.
  • Cry for little reason.
  • Getting emotional in meetings or crying.
  • Gets emotional, especially if she cries.
  • In my experience, several very talented women have cried during meetings. It really undermines the respect that everyone else has for them. The decisions being made are hard sometimes but the top level management has to make the decisions that protect the company and ultimately the most jobs.

Miscellanous

  • I am afraid to say that women definitely have far too much emotional input to maintain an effective overall leadership.
  • Voicing a concern or complaint which is perceived as whining or being overly emotional. A valid business concern may be misperceived or discounted by a male listener if he perceives it to be delivered in an emotional way. The tone used by a female will likely impact the male perception of the statement.
  • Sometimes being too emotionally involved with the situation may hinder their decisions, but I also think that men will do this but with different feelings.
  • Their perception that showing emotion, like open frustration, can bring about a reaction.
  • Becomes overly heated during a simple exchange of ideas.
  • Allow emotional feelings to cloud judgment.
  • Women tend to be less in control. Work is matter-of-fact, no room for feelings.
  • Express feelings that they are overwhelmed or under-qualified to keep up.
  • Whine about something emotional.
  • Being too sensitive to the kinds of casual conversations men will have.
  • Too women may get into an emotional confrontation, and may not forgive each other for it. The after effect is that a man that works between their two departments will have to suffer the hostility and bitterness between the two women, making them seem less desirable employees to upper management.

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Visual – Sex

Expose Breasts

  • Might accidentally expose too much cleavage while setting articles down on the desk/workspace.
  • Bend over to expose her breasts.

Touch

  • Being touchy feely.
  • Level of touching, even a hand on the arm.
  • I had a fully qualified, skilled manager that always would touch / rub my back or arm if she perceived me as being not happy. Others viewed that in a bad light. It became “office chatter”.
  • Not sure of specifics. Perhaps leaning against you while she is talking, or touching you as she talks.
  • Touching while talking with a worker or playing with her hair or adjusting her bra or other clothing.

Sexualize Interactions

  • “Sexualize” interactions.
  • Using, either intentionally or unintentionally, her sexuality, if it is an available ploy for her.
  • Uses sexual prowess at the work place.

Interoffice Dating

  • Interoffice dating a skilled woman will sometimes do and that will almost always blow up in her face and the other persons she is dating also.
  • Have a romantic relationship with a co-worker in the same office, and bring tension into the work space when things in the relationship sore.

Miscellaneous

  • For instance, maybe she gets too specific with sexual details about a relationship she in. This would definitely make a man think she was in it only for how far she could climb the ladder – the wrong way.
  • A woman of equal skill can flirt with men and not worry about sexual harassment, unlike men do if the roles were reversed, which undermines their effectiveness, and the men perceive that as something that tips the scales in the woman’s favor for success on the job.
  • When a woman tries to run a project but has to flirt with the men of the group to get things done in a timely manner. All she has to do is stick to her work ethics and stay on top of the people under her. Do follow-ups to make sure things are on schedule.
  • Offer flattery.
  • Flirt, using a “little girl” voice. I have worked with a female coworker that did not realize she’d cock her head sideways and flirt when she was talking with our boss. He’d always be professional but when she wasn’t there she was a “piece of meat” in his mind. He’d make sexual comments about her and say things like “she wants me.” He’d take her actions and make inappropriate inferences from them.
  • The way she stands.
  • Depending on the person’s level in the organization, the person must dress professionally and not provocatively.
  • Wear sexy panties that show through.
  • Dressing and grooming, whether it’s good, bad or controversial, can be perceived differently coming from a woman.
  • A professional woman who is also very physically attractive (a factor beyond her personal control) may be viewed by men as having used her looks to rise in the workforce.
  • Appearance.
  • Playing with her hair or adjusting her bra or other clothing.
  • An attractive female with an attractive manner is welcome in my company. Her style has some limited influence over her boss’ decision.
  • Professional business dress for men and women is different. Current fashion trends are pushing female fashion to a more provocative style – tighter clothes, shorter skirts, etc. While attempting to be ‘fashionable,’ even a skilled woman may unintentionally dress in a manner that demeans her talent and position in the eyes of her male colleagues. Men are by nature visually stimulated and improper dress by female coworkers can cause a distraction if done on a regular basis. I have also seen it cause the woman to be taken less seriously in all aspects of her business relationships.
  • When giving a presentation she might wear something provocative or distracting to the men in the room — who would not be paying attention to what she is talking about at all.

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Miscellaneous

  • Getting pregnant.
  • More skilled and educated.
  • Just being intimidated by or belonging to a “lesser” gender.
  • Female logic often does not recognize the difference between fact and opinion. It is a fact that the sky is blue, it is an opinion that it is a nice day.
  • Women who focus on collaborative discussion don’t realize that men often see this as a sign of weakness.
  • The workload. Women are still perceived as inferior in a man’s world and that world includes business.
  • Tell lies.
  • Because of a clear conception of the work environment.
  • Current elections.
  • The latest presidential election is the best example.
  • Unfortunately, sexism still exists in the workplace. You need to be aware of when you are being treated unfairly or with disrespect. sometimes women do not recognize when they are in this situation.
  • Very focused on her job.
  • Take orders.
  • Undermine their authority.
  • Take the additional time required to investigate and review an issue because it is out of normal business hours.
  • Remember that you are being watched and observed by others.

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Respect

Listen

  • Listen twice as much as you talk.
  • Listen before speaking.
  • Be patient and listen.
  • See all sides, then speak.

Don’t be Judgmental

  • Don’t be too quick to judge.
  • Not to be judgmental.

Trust

  • You have to listen sometimes to the voice of experience before any final decisions are made, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it.
  • When you ask for advice from a man on work-related items, please take their advice seriously and don’t go right around not trusting them.
  • Please trust each other, and offer help to others.
  • Be ready to listen for advice, be ready to offer advice.

Miscellaneous

  • Think before you speak.
  • Keep an even playing field.
  • I would say that she would need to keep an open mind and understand there are different ways of looking at something where [all points of view] may be correct.
  • If you want to be respected, then you need to understand and listen to other approaches other than your own and be thankful others are willing to help you.
  • Sometimes, just butt out. I feel that if I don’t do things their way they will keep after me until I do it their way, only to find out I was right. I need to stick to my position because it is more logical and precise.
  • Just because you want to be “one of the boys” doesn’t mean you have to be an [expletive]. Guys get along with each other. We don’t act like schoolyard bullies all the time.
  • Relax and don’t treat colleagues like a spouse.
  • If you have to manage men, do not emasculate them, but do not over-praise them, either. Just set rules, goals and leave them to do their job.
  • Do your best to try to empathize with men, as if they’re from a different planet.
  • Do not interrupt with multiple questions.

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Be Yourself

Be Yourself and Ignore The Opinions of Others

  • Just be yourself. Women can get more emotional than men. Men just need to understand that. It’s okay, but realize that some men just don’t get it. Don’t worry about them.
  • Be who you are and don’t be intimidated by ignorant men or women.

Be Yourself, Not a Jerk

  • Be yourself, don’t try too come off as too hard and callous to show your power. Men know women show more emotion than they do and they will just take this as some sort of deception and never take them seriously.
  • Try to be yourself, and stop trying to outdo everybody.
  • Be yourself and don’t have a chip on your shoulder.
  • Be natural. Care about others and show you care — they will respond to your honesty, if you really care, and you should. Do not try to take on all responsibilities but be cooperative.

Be Yourself by Acting Normal

  • Be the same way as you would be with your family present.
  • Act normal.
  • Act natural.
  • Just be yourself. Act normal. You don’t have to act a certain way to be accepted.
  • Act how you want to act.
  • Be yourself and don’t pretend or play games.
  • Be yourself. Do not put up false pretenses.

Be Yourself with an Open Mind

  • Be yourself and realize that people, men and women, are different. There is sometimes a need to adjust to people, whether you want to or not.
  • Be yourself and don’t judge others too quickly.
  • Be yourself and have an open mind.
  • Be yourself. Be straightforward and listen to all the facts before you make up your mind.

Be Yourself Because You’re Not Different

  • Be yourself, be genuine and add value just like anybody else is expected to do. Don’t expect special treatment because you are a mother. The company pays employees to do a job whether they are a mother, father or single. No employee should be expected to work more because he or she doesn’t have family responsibilities.
  • Be true to yourself. Don’t let anyone treat you differently because of your sex, but you should be open to anything. Don’t walk into the workforce with an agenda. I believe you should fight for your rights but just make sure you are fighting for the right things.
  • It’s alright to be a woman, and to address both positive and negative things about a situation, but remember you are a professional first and to act that way. You are representing the company and yourself in all that you do.
  • Be yourself. Don’t let anyone say you cannot do the job as well as a man. I have met a lot of women who are better at a lot of things than myself.
  • Be yourself and see yourself as the same as everyone else.

Be Yourself to See Results

  • Relax be yourself – your talents will be noticed.
  • Be yourself and let your actions speak for themselves. Trying to be someone or something other than what you are is easy to see through and is irritating.
  • Be yourself. What brought you there will be what keeps you there.
  • Be yourself and work to the best of your abilities. In most situations that will be enough to enable you to have a pleasant and gainful work experience. And if it does not, then you should consider finding an environment that does allow you to be yourself and successful at the same time.
  • Just be yourself and do the best job you can do. Your performance will speak for itself.

Miscellaneous

  • I believe a confident, warm, and capable personality is respected in almost every endeavor for both men and women The woman who tries to be one of the men by being rough or crude or tough is often thought of as someone not being true to her natural gender, and hence disagreeable. Integrity, capability, and a secure personality are what is most respected and appreciated in a woman in any position.
  • Be yourself and work for the better of the company as a whole.
  • Be yourself and remember that people are always watching and judging you and your actions.
  • Be yourself, do what is expected of you, and trust yourself.
  • Trust your instincts.
  • Don’t stop being female, but be aware of where the line is, so you don’t cross it.
  • Just be real. We men appreciate the fact you’re simply being you.
  • Try to create a pleasant personality, be yourself and do not try to use your sexuality for career advancement.
  • Just be yourself and work to the best of your ability. Plus, be a team player.
  • I would encourage women to be themselves and perform their work to the best of their abilities, and to think of themselves as equals to everyone else, especially men. Don’t do things to try and get ahead, especially things that are not fair to others or are unethical.
  • Be yourself and do not be afraid to express your opinion.
  • Be your professional self. Don’t try to be a man because, the fact is, you’re not.

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Get to the Point – Let it Go

Get Along With Others

  • Just get along.
  • Don’t be hard to get along with.

Don’t Complain

  • Stop complaining.
  • Don’t complain about people or whine about every little thing.

Don’t Hold a Grudge/Be Angry/Move On!

  • Learn to have a short memory when it comes to conflicts. If you hold a grudge about a situation, it will interfere with future projects or working relationships.
  • Don’t have a chip on your shoulder.
  • Not to be so angry.
  • Don’t have little “cat fights” with other people at work about things that are not work-related. Sometimes you just have to get over it and move on!
  • Sometimes you need to just let it be.

Resolve Conflict

  • We are all valuable parts of the team and we need to work together as a team. Let’s work out any differences among ourselves and not in front of others.
  • Take time to work through the issue.
  • If you feel slighted or misunderstood, bring it to the table to be discussed so that the issue doesn’t fester.

Miscellaneous

  • Especially to the female supervisors of the world: leave your personal feelings and emotions at the door. You will be better off in the long run. You constantly pick on one person just because they didn’t agree with you on something, then when that wears off and you find someone else to be your next target/victim. Holding office grudges, blocking hard-working, deserving employees of merit increases/promotions and giving them instead to your “pet” workers who gossip and tell you everything that goes on in the office. Not keeping confidential information confidential. Given a choice between my male and female friends, all prefer to have a man boss versus a woman boss, just because it’s more tolerable.
  • Most of the women I have worked with like to micromanage. So what I would say to them is to have faith in your co-workers.
  • My advice to women is never complain too much and don’t “sweat” the small stuff. Once a women is known as a complainer, management will walk the other way when they see her.
  • Be honest, do not try to be the center of attention, act the part you are hired for, do not try to compete with other females for attention.
  • Stop whining and bad-mouthing other coworkers to make yourself look better.
  • Two women may get into an emotional argument, in which, in the aftermath, they are no longer speaking to each other. Since they are in two separate departments that work closely together, it makes it difficult for me as a man to be an intermediary. Their hostility and bitterness towards each other long after the fact may never go away so it has made upper level management, consisting of both men and women, seem to look upon them less desirably for promotion.
  • It may not pay to let petty things get in the way of the big picture.
  • Stop being so defensive.
  • Listen carefully and play fair.
  • Having two daughters, I offer the same advice to all, regardless of gender. Business is business. Focus on profits, teamwork, and respect for others and everything else takes care of itself.
  • If you’re going to be in the workplace, do your best. Don’t make it a competition and you will do well.
  • Be direct, not passive-aggressive.
  • Be open and honest in communication.
  • Don’t stray from the topic you’re concerned about or expressing. Try not to get sidetracked.
  • Always be fair, firm and consistent.
  • No room in the office for pettiness.

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Move Past Gender

Don’t Assume You’re Being Treated Differently

  • Don’t assume everybody is holding you to a different or higher standard. Be sure that is the case if you choose to make it an issue.
  • Don’t assume that you’re being treated differently due to your gender.
  • Be consistent and don’t automatically assume they are treated differently just because they are women.
  • You are treated the same, but if you think you are not being treated the same as men and make a big deal about it, then you will start being treated differently and not in a positive way.
  • Relax. Don’t feel that you are being picked on.
  • You are equal and should act that way. Don’t think that all the men are out to get you fired or reduced in position.
  • Quit looking for reasons to excoriate men and their intentions in the workplace.
  • Don’t walk into an office environment with a chip on your shoulder looking for discrimination at every turn. Perception can become your reality.
  • Work as hard as you can, and don’t think that people are trying to take advantage of you because you are a woman.
  • Don’t think you are being held back by men. I see too many women who mistakenly think men are holding them back.

Don’t Play The Gender Card

  • Don’t play the “gender card”.
  • Look past the gender, treat as an equal, i.e., same status level in the business. Sense of humor.
  • Try not to make common jobs around the office fall into gender-type roles.
  • Don’t play the “girl card.”
  • Yes, you are female. Do I care? No. If you can do the job, grow your role and act like my equal, I will treat you as such.
  • Don’t play the “squeaky wheel”.
  • Expect men to be sick of the special treatment females frequently get: positions, bended ears, conniving, sniveling, warring, [expletive], preferential treatment…The list goes on and it’s crap.”
  • Never try to use your status as a woman to gain leverage in a business setting. Men already know you are a woman.
  • If you don’t try to draw comparisons between men and women, men are less likely to feel there is a difference.
  • Just to express yourself and not bring any reference to gender.

Don’t Put On an Act

  • Don’t act like you’re having to work harder, even if you are.
  • It should not matter that you’re a woman. Don’t act all powerful just because you might be in a position of authority over others. If you are not in charge then don’t use the excuse that you are a woman [to get out of] some tasks.
  • Don’t put on the weak and frail act. Be assertive and confident, not weak and helpless.

Women and Men are Equal

  • You’re an equal.
  • All of us are equal.
  • We are all equal at the workplace.
  • There is really no difference with the job either a woman or man does.

Think of Yourself as Equal

  • View yourself as an equal, not anything less or more than your coworkers.
  • Do not think that you are second-class person.
  • Women should feel equal to men.
  • That they should feel they’re equal to anyone else in the organization based on their abilities, and to handle themselves with confidence.

Gender Shouldn’t be a Factor

  • I don’t really have any advice. Whether they are men or women, they should be treated the same, regardless of what sex they are.
  • Gender should not ever be a factor in business. We are all professionals.
  • All should be equal in the workplace. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
  • Men and women should not act differently at work. They are equals and should act and do the same equally.
  • Your sex should not have any bearing on your ability to do your job.
  • Your gender should never matter, and if it does in your situation, you need to decide if that is the work you really want to do.
  • As far as I am concerned – and I am the CEO – results are what matter. Intelligent, efficient people of either sex deserve my full and complete support. I am male, but I would never even consider paying a female less than a male for the same work. My advice therefore is to stand up and demand full equality of sexes in the workplace. Nothing less should be acceptable. Companies that cannot grasp this deserve to lose the quality female employees to more enlightened companies.
  • I would tell the women that they are just as capable as men and should not feel like they have to work twice as hard to be recognized.

Miscellaneous

  • It would take a while, but if people stopped focusing on what they perceive as a slight, as opposed to true ones, everyone’s attitude would change in the long run. As long as everyone is worried about their group, no big change can occur.
  • Don’t think that everything said by your male coworkers is a personal attack on your gender. Learn the organization’s culture and spend some time learning how to thrive in that environment.
  • Don’t use feminism as a crutch or try to compete with men in areas that men are better qualified for. Men and women can be equals, just don’t overdo it or play a feminist card.
  • Forget that you think women are less than men.
  • Tired of women using Human Resources too aggressively. I have seen several careers ended by sexual/racial discrimination or hostile work environment claims in situations that did not warrant Human Resources’ involvement.
  • Make no excuses for being a woman. Women are just as capable as men. The perception of some may be that they can only advance because of their looks, while in some cases it might be, for the most part, women advance based on their skills and performance.
  • Act asexual. Don’t try to act like a man, and for the love of God, don’t act like a woman – you’ll get taken advantage of. Act like a neuter.
  • Women must always lead women and never ever became like a man.
  • Women are just as good at their jobs as men. If they are promoted to a high level in their workplace, it is because they deserve it and have earned it.
  • You are the same as others at your level.
  • We are all team members. The chain is as strong as its weakest link. Not saying that women are weak.
  • Sometimes woman can do better jobs than men, especially in a computerized society.
  • For both men and women in the workplace: You must perceive yourself as equal before anyone else will do so. Have the confidence, the dedication, and professionalism to know that you are capable of working on an equal level of even the highest of authorities in your field. Carry this confidence without arrogance and without a stand-offish attitude.
  • This question is rather sexist and irrelevant. I would give advice to someone on a completely specific and individual level, based on the person and not what gender they are.
  • As I work in the entertainment industry, which would tend to be more progressive than a traditional office setting, I feel that [modern] women have more opportunities and are subject to less of the typical office roadblocks women seem to have faced in the past. This may seem like a sexist generalization, but I feel that women have almost more opportunities than men in my industry. Also, as a gay man, I feel I am treated slightly differently (towards the positive) and almost have more opportunities than straight men or women.
  • Women are not treated any differently than men!
  • Keep doing what you are doing – eventually, the men in the workplace who don’t “get it,” will.

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NPB

Don’t Take Things Personally

  • Try not to take things personally.
  • Don’t take anything personally.
  • Stand up for what you believe and be prepared if your ideas are shot down. Not every person’s ideas or suggestions will be accepted. Don’t take it personally if yours are not.
  • Not everything is personal.
  • Don’t take things personally.
  • Work is work. Don’t take everything that isn’t going your way as a slight against you. Business is simply that – business.

Work – Don’t Get Personal

  • Try to keep it professional and don’t get personal with anyone. You are there for work and work only.
  • Keep things black and white in business. There are no friends or family in business, just associates and partners. Personal life should be off-the-clock.

Miscellaneous

  • Don’t talk about your sex life or other employees’ sex lives at work.
  • Be fair – leave your problems at the door and if you don’t need the cell phone, leave it in the car!
  • Keep personalities out of work, period.
  • Keep personal non-business-related opinions to themselves.
  • Please keep your personal life at home. And furthermore, do not try to think of our office as a second home.

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Suck it Up

  • Be yourself, be genuine and add value just like anybody else is expected to do. Don’t expect special treatment because you are a mother. The company pays employees to do a job whether they are a mother, father or single. No employee should be expected to work more because he or she doesn’t have family responsibilities.
  • In my company, if a male counterpart is making more then you for the same work, it means he has been there longer than you and has had more annual raises then you. All employees, male or female, are heavy contributors to the project.
  • Don’t look for favors, get a thicker skin, and realize that time on the job oftentimes means the other person gets the bonus, raise, or position. If you take time out to raise a family or start one, you don’t get credit for the time. as in experience resulting in more pay. Realize that if you take long maternity leave, someone had to pick up the slack for the empty desk and they will be miffed at times.
  • Don’t expect equality without being equal.
  • Be comfortable with the type of player you want to be. If you want to be an ‘A’ player, you need to demonstrate the competence, commitment and sacrifice of an ‘A’ player. But it is completely okay to be a ‘B’ player, especially if you have other commitments, like family. You will be compensated as a ‘B’ player, but that is a fair trade-off.
  • Get the job done, and have unparalleled devotion and insight in everything you do.
  • Unfortunately, professional women are still viewed as not being as smart, tough, available for work and willing to work extra long hours because they have to tend to their families. So they have to work extra hard compared to men. I sympathize with them for that reason. So my advice would be to try to behave as men, as tough and committed as men. Also, to fight for their rights when being discriminated against (more work, lower pay compared to men) and demand that if they work as much as men, they should be compensated exactly as their fellow male workers.
  • Put in the time.
  • Realistically, if the work being done remotely requires communication, it usually seems to take more time from other team members to compensate-or we could all work remotely regularly.

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Be Competent

  • Be yourself, be genuine and add value just like anybody else is expected to do. Don’t expect special treatment because you are a mother. The company pays employees to do a job whether they are a mother, father or single. No employee should be expected to work more because he or she doesn’t have family responsibilities.
  • In my company, if a male counterpart is making more then you for the same work, it means he has been there longer than you and has had more annual raises then you. All employees, male or female, are heavy contributors to the project.
  • Don’t look for favors, get a thicker skin, and realize that time on the job oftentimes means the other person gets the bonus, raise, or position. If you take time out to raise a family or start one, you don’t get credit for the time. as in experience resulting in more pay. Realize that if you take long maternity leave, someone had to pick up the slack for the empty desk and they will be miffed at times.
  • Don’t expect equality without being equal.
  • Be comfortable with the type of player you want to be. If you want to be an ‘A’ player, you need to demonstrate the competence, commitment and sacrifice of an ‘A’ player. But it is completely okay to be a ‘B’ player, especially if you have other commitments, like family. You will be compensated as a ‘B’ player, but that is a fair trade-off.
  • Get the job done, and have unparalleled devotion and insight in everything you do.
  • Unfortunately, professional women are still viewed as not being as smart, tough, available for work and willing to work extra long hours because they have to tend to their families. So they have to work extra hard compared to men. I sympathize with them for that reason. So my advice would be to try to behave as men, as tough and committed as men. Also, to fight for their rights when being discriminated against (more work, lower pay compared to men) and demand that if they work as much as men, they should be compensated exactly as their fellow male workers.
  • Put in the time.
  • Realistically, if the work being done remotely requires communication, it usually seems to take more time from other team members to compensate-or we could all work remotely regularly.

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Emotions

Make Decisions with Thought, Not Emotion

  • Try not to make emotional decisions.
  • Be confident and remove emotion as much as possible when making decisions.
  • Think more than feel about business situations. Don’t let emotion or egos get in the way.
  • Focus on the business perspective of matters without letting your feelings get in the way.
  • Turn off your emotions and try to work on a business level.
  • Talk about the facts and use it to make decisions.
  • Recognize that you’re an emotional being and that can affect your reasoning and judgment if you let it.
  • Try not to make work-related decisions based on emotion.
  • Be insightful yet avoid making decisions on emotional grounds.
  • Emotions can be part of the decision process but only a small part, especially when questioning a colleague or another team/department.
  • Better to keep emotions out of the workplace in decision-making.

Don’t be Dramatic

  • Act rationally, leave the drama at home.
  • Don’t be dramatic.
  • My coworker actually got emotional in a meeting when asked to explain her testing technique. Instead of answering the question as a matter of informing the guy, she assumed he was questioning her skills. I ended up having to rephrase the question for her to understand it from a non-confrontational viewpoint. Now, to this day, a lot of the programmers are wary of getting her involved in discussion and assume she can’t handle pressure well.

Emotions Perceived as Weak/Unprofessional

  • Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Don’t show men your weaknesses. If you ever have any issues, resolve them in private.
  • Control your emotions and how you are perceived.
  • When something doesn’t go your way, do not let the emotional balance tip and you will be viewed in a more professional manner.
  • Be more logical than emotional. In a world of competition, emotions are considered more of a hurdle than an asset.

Miscellaneous

  • This applies to some men as well as some women: keep your emotions in check. Sometimes others are just trying to get a reaction.
  • You are being noticed for being a woman, and do have to work twice as hard to gain the respect of a man. Don’t complain about it. Once you have the respect you can relax a little. Taking things emotionally will only fit you into the stereotype that [all] women are emotional, and emotions do not belong in the workplace. it’s a business, not the “Oprah” show. Men are generally afraid of emotions, so leave them at home.
  • Keep your emotions in check. Make sure that you keep the argument in an impersonal (subjective) view.
  • Women really do need to put their families first. It is wonderful to strive for excellence in the workplace, but not if it is detrimental to society. I would strongly suggest that women take time to process events so as not to react with emotion. The biggest turn-off is when I see professional women in the workplace who show their stress in ways that show that they are really not in control of themselves.
  • Be yourself but in a less emotional/feelings way, if possible.
  • The business world is often a much less emotionally driven place than other facets of life or industries. That may be because it tends to be more masculine, but that’s how it seems at this point in our culture and should be taken into account.
  • Get off your emotional soap box about every little item throughout the whole day. Be in the moment more and take chances without feeling as if everybody else is going to have dissenting opinions. Let confidence fly free!

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Visual – Sex

Dress Conservatively

  • Dress conservatively.
  • Dress modestly.
  • Don’t dress too sexily.
  • Don’t dress in a suggestive or revealing way.
  • Be modest.
  • Wear clothes that are less revealing.
  • Dress nice but not provocatively.
  • Dress conservatively, don’t use too much makeup.
  • [Keep] dress and makeup on the conservative side.

Men Don’t Want to be Distracted

  • Cover up and dress professionally. If I want to see meat, I go to a gentleman’s club. At the office, I do not want to be distracted.
  • Do not dress provocatively to impress your fellow employees. Dress plainly, with common sense and appropriately for the job. When we have a job to do, we don’t want to be distracted by the sight of you or the talk about you (by both sexes) if you dress inappropriately.
  • I like when you wear pretty clothes, but I appreciate a limit to sexiness at work.
  • Women are always beautiful, they don’t have to be flashy or show off to distract others. Be normal and wear normal [clothes] and [stay] covered as their shape itself is tempting and attractive.

Don’t Flirt

  • No flirting.
  • I think some women try to flirt to get their way. In my eyes, it hurts them more than helps.
  • Don’t flirt or be too friendly.
  • Be sure not to act in a way that appears flirty.
  • Don’t flirt, dress conservatively, don’t use too much makeup, know your subject.

Specific Suggestions

  • Dress for business, not for attraction. Wear less perfume.
  • Please wear pants and low heels, but if you like wearing skirts, wear pencil skirts or skirts that come below the knees. If you are over 6 feet tall, shoes with high heels are not required. Refrain from wearing low-cut blouses and flip-flops or sandals. Sneakers do not go with skirts.
  • No high heels.
  • Don’t touch fellow workers.

Don’t Have Sexual Relationships With Colleagues

  • [There is] no place for sex in the workplace.
  • Do not get romantically involved with anyone in the office.

Be Clear About the Intentions of Your Sexual Advances

  • While men can learn to treat women with equality and fairness on the job scene, it is unnatural and unrealistic to think that a working relationship with other men will be without flirtations and hints at natural desires. So, there is a need to communicate more effectively both men’s and women’s intentions and protocols for fair and equal interactions between the sexes in the workplace going both ways.
  • Don’t lead men on and try to make them think you like them when you know you don’t care about them and are just using them to get what you want.

Miscellaneous

  • Be yourself and dress good – not too sexy, but not too business-y.
  • It depends entirely on the workplace and more importantly their boss. Some men want a smart, capable woman that dresses conservatively and some want a smart, capable woman that dresses provocatively. In either case, be smart, be capable, be competent and play the dress code by ear. In the event that your boss is a woman, be smart, be capable, be competent, and never, ever dress sexier than she does or flirt with male clients or coworkers.
  • If you are competing in a male-dominated work environment, dress for the situation.
  • Look in the mirror before you leave the house.
  • Put out.
  • Keep trying to be heard and noticed, more by your skills and knowledge rather than with their bodies.
  • Quit being sluts.
  • Don’t sell yourself.
  • Keep wearing those sexy clothes because it’s nice to be distracted sometimes.
  • Watch what you wear.
  • Don’t over-dress for success.
  • Dress good.

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You Go Girl

Be Confident

  • Have confidence in yourself and you will exude confidence to those around you.
  • Be confident in one’s knowledge, abilities, and decisions.
  • Believe in yourself! It doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s how well you do your job.
  • Be more confident in your decisions. You are just as capable as anyone else.
  • Be confident in your skills.
  • Be proud of your skills and confidence.
  • Be strong!

Be Direct and Assertive

  • Be bold and straightforward.
  • Express your opinions. Don’t be afraid to speak up!
  • Be assertive in your negotiations with the company, whether that be internally or externally.
  • Always express what you believe.
  • Keep up the good work. My female peers “get it” and I enjoy working with them.
  • Try your best and speak up.
  • Don’t be afraid to contribute.

Keep it Up

  • Things will change over time. Keep a positive attitude and keep working it will workout. Choose your battles.
  • Keep it up!
  • Keep up the good work and do not settle for the crap you get fed by men.
  • You’re going to have to do twice as much for the same success for [a few more] generations.
  • Keep standing up for your rights to be paid equally with men.

Don’t Allow Yourself to be Bullied

  • To be strong and not take any of what I would call “BS” from other employees, especially men.
  • Don’t let anyone bully you or allow them to intimidate.
  • Treat your associates as you would be treated. Don’t let them bully you into believing anything without researching first.
  • Do let these male chauvinist pigs bother. You go for it! Get what you want in life and if some idiot man doesn’t like it, tough [expletive]!
  • Do not be intimidated by some men. You are probably smarter.
  • Do not let anyone treat you as a lesser person.

Miscellaneous

  • Unfortunately, professional women are still viewed as not being as smart, tough, available for work and willing to work extra-long hours because they have to tend to their families, so they have to work extra hard compared to men. I sympathize with them for that reason. So my advice would be to try to behave as men, as tough and committed as men and not let their womanly feelings (compassion, emotions) interfere with what they must do at work, but also to fight for their rights when being discriminated against (more work, lower pay compared to men.)
  • Never fear what you don’t know.
  • Take time to work through the issue. Get self-help books and tapes and work at being more confident.
  • If no one’s got your back, you need to move your back.
  • Women in the work field is a great thing; with that they’re never bored.
  • Be strong and have the courage to be productive.
  • Be confident in what it is you do and let others know why what you do is important. Show that you are capable of responding to any situation in a positive manner.
  • If they want to be treated as equals, then expect the crap that comes with it.
  • All things still are not equal in the corporate world. Keep working for equal respect, but try not to alienate the ones who reach out their hands as allies.
  • Things are getting better!
  • Not every job or every workplace is the same, but overall there will be struggles of inequality and unfairness, but be strong. Be strong. Not every man will be accepting of or act appropriately around women in the workplace, but there are a lot out there who do. It will keep getting better.
  • Stay strong, you are an important part of this team.
  • Do your best according to your abilities. Don’t be afraid to ask questions if you don’t understand something.
  • Men may be prone to perceive you in the “typical male” way, but women can do a lot to create how they want to be perceived. Confident and direct communication will show your level of competency and talent, regardless of gender.
  • Do what you need to do to survive in this male-dominated world. Go girl!
  • Strive to reach the top.
  • Never give up and don’t believe you are inferior.
  • Expect to be treated equally and do not allow yourself to be pushed around.
  • Take ownership of your opinions and work; never apologize for doing a good job.
  • Do not let anyone treat you as a lesser person.
  • Continue to be compassionate and dedicated to your professional goals without letting the opinions and preconceptions of male coworkers get in the way.
  • Always consider yourself as valuable as any other member of the workforce if you are qualified for the tasks.

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Be Relaxed, Genuine, and Forthright

  • Have a sense of humor and don’t take everything so seriously!
  • Relax and remember what got you here.
  • Be cool.
  • Be a bit more relaxed and laid back.
  • Keep it simple.
  • Be open and honest and challenge when appropriate.
  • Be genuine, honest and open.
  • Be as honest and forthright as you can be.
  • Be professional, honest and forthright…always!
  • Be upfront and honest.
  • Be honest.
  • Be genuine. There’s no need to be like a man to succeed. When there’s too much masculine energy, sometimes we lose sight of other perspectives.

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Miscellaneous

Miscellaneous total (including “understand men”)

  • Find the attitude of the company and the department and make sure you fit in.
  • Be totally honest with customers and don’t try to pretend to know more than you do. Sometimes the customer might know as much as you.
  • Be gender-neutral. Don’t act like a stereotypical man. Don’t act like a stereotypical woman.
  • Read “Alpha Male Syndrome.”
  • Just try to fit in and not draw special attention to yourself.
  • Be like Hillary Clinton.
  • You do not need to over-act. Men appreciate your opinion if it is justified and fair. The man, as a sane creature, will take the correct view, even if it was not his.
  • Practice a firm handshake.
  • Understand that a lot of men do look at them differently and are looking for them to fail at times simply because they are women.
  • Do your best for God.
  • Can’t think of anything right now except to remember that they are being watched and observed by others with their actions and reactions towards others and their work.
  • Try to see a different viewpoint without feeling threatened by men in charge-recoil effect. This is where a person can discount any idea not their own at times.
  • Be conscious of the work environment, how other women in the office are perceived, and use both to make themselves better.
  • Be one of the guys.
  • Act like men do.
  • Men are pigs.
  • Don’t date me. I am a pig.
  • Each individual requires a unique approach.

Miscellaneous

  • Try to get an understanding of the difference between men and women and how their brains work differently.
  • Try to understand men and testosterone levels.
  • Be aware of differences between how men and women perceive things.
  • Recognize that men and women approach situations differently, and that the differences in approach are quite often an asset, adding positively to the outcome.
  • Be more tolerant of men’s individual characteristics.
  • Don’t be afraid to be different and understand that men and women are different. Both should be treated equally as employees, but they feel differently about situations, issues and ideas and those differences should be explored, understood and addressed.

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