Research: Survey Verbatims – How Women Think: The one thing they most wanted to say (from the book For Men Only)

for-men-onlyThe following are the verbatim answers to the final survey question:

What’s the most important thing you wish your husband/significant other knew, but feel you haven’t been able to explain in a way he understands?

How much I need/appreciate/desire/respect him

  • He means the world to me, and I sometimes I don’t belive his compliments, but they do make me feel good.
  • He needs to know that I do trust him, but he should not take it for granted. I am still the first lady and want him to remember it.
  • He will be always in my heart.
  • How deep my love and respect is for him.
  • How deeply I need him.
  • How much he means to me in general.
  • How much I appreciate him and that he takes care of me.
  • How much I care for his happiness, feelings, and well being.
  • How much I need to be held even if we don’t have sex, and how much my illness affects my emotional well being.
  • How much I respect him as a person.
  • How much just his companionship or a phone call means to me.
  • How neat and likeable I think he is.
  • How wonderful he is to me.
  • I don’t always show it, but he really is the most important person in my life.
  • I just want to make him happy; that’s the motivation behind everything I do.
  • I sometimes I act independent or like I have the upperhand in the relationship, especially when talking to others because it frightens me how much I depend on him and how much control he has over me due to the depth of my love for him.
  • I want my husband to know how grateful I am to him–for his love, his attention, his kindness and thoughtfulness–but most of all, for the fact that he and I belong together.
  • I will go to the end of the earth for him, and I hope we can be together forever.
  • I wish that he knew how much I truly love, respect, and cherish him. We have two different love languages.
  • I would trust him with my life, and I love him.
  • Just how much I value our relationship, even when times have been very stressful. And I appreciate how much he beleives in me.
  • My husband means more to me than words can say. He is the true essence of what I dreamed a husband would be when I was a little girl.
  • My life would be meaningless without him.
  • Sometimes he doesn’t seem to understand that I may disagree with him, but it’s not criticism and I’m always on his side.
  • That he has made me the happiest woman in the world. I could have never asked for anything more. His love and support throughout our marriage is more than any woman could want. I am so lucky to have found him 32 years ago.
  • That he is everything to me.
  • That he truly does make a difference in my life, and if he left I’d be crushed.
  • That his support makes me feel that I can accomplish anything.
  • That I dearly appreciate his hard work.
  • That I feel incredibly lucky to be with him today.
  • That I need his support and help as a friend, not as a dependent.
  • That I want to make him happy and spend every day making sure that he knows it.
  • That I would give everything for him to be healthy and happy in life.
  • When he puts himself down it hurts me–no one should say bad things about my favorite guy.

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How much I love him

  • How completely I loved him.
  • How deeply I do love him.
  • How much he means to me and that I love him.
  • How much I care for him.
  • How much I love him and wish only the best for him.
  • How much I really love him.
  • How much I really love him.
  • How very much I unconditionally love him. There are no words for it.
  • I love him and wish he would understand why I worry about his health so much.
  • I love him more with each passing day. Although we have been married 32 years, it just keeps getting better.
  • I love him.
  • I want him to know even though I don’t say it enough, or show it enough, that I do love him with all my heart.
  • I wish he knew just how I really feel about him…the need I have to show how much I really love him.
  • My deep, unshakable love for him.
  • My love for him is deeper than he knows.
  • That he is dearly loved and that I only want the best for him that life has to offer.
  • That I love him no matter who he is, what he does, or who else he decides to love.
  • That I love him so much.
  • That I love him…no matter how differently we were raised. It doesn’t matter about differences of upbringing or education. I love him no matter what side of the tracks he’s from.
  • That I truly love him and feel he loves me.
  • That I would never cheat on him and I LOVE HIM very much!!!!
  • The depth of our love.

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There’s nothing he doesn’t understand about me / we have a great relationship

  • After 19 years, I think he knows all about me, pretty well.
  • After 42 years of marriage, there is nothing I haven’t been able to explain.
  • After 51 years of marriage, before my husband passed away five years ago, we had learned to express our love and feelings and to discuss everything together.
  • Before my husband died we were transparent to each other so I don’t harbor any unsatisfied needs to communicate.
  • He knows everything about me.
  • He knows everything. He has been dead for thirty years.
  • He knows everything; we are best friends and talk about everything.
  • I can’t think of a thing. My significant other and I have a great way of communicating and can usually understand very well what the other is saying.
  • I had no secrets from him. We shared all our thoughts and feelings–good and bad–and knew that the other would at least try to understand and be supportive. Impossible though it may seem, in 26 years of marriage, we never had a fight!
  • I have a great fellow. We’ve been married 50 years this September.
  • I have no problem explaining anything to my significant other.
  • I think he knows everything about me.
  • In the 35 years we were married, my husband and I talked a great deal about how we felt about each other (the good and the bad). While some problems in our relationship were never fully resolved, neither one of us could have said we didn’t know how the other one felt. I guess I would just like to tell him, “See you on the other side.”
  • Nothing. He knows it all!
  • Nothing. I tell my husband everything.
  • Nothing. He’s very understanding.
  • Nothing. I always try to express my feelings and or issues to him, whether good or bad.
  • Nothing. We have open communication and are able to talk things through to an understanding and resolution.
  • Nothing. We talk about everything.
  • Nothing…he knows everything…we are very open.
  • Nothing…he knows and accepts everything.
  • Nothing–we understand each other perfectly.
  • Realize that we’ve been together 46 years and we know each others thoughts and we still love each other and always will, regardless.
  • Really, he does well in that department.
  • That’s kind of hard since I’ve been married for 24 years. We generaly click well and think as a whole person. We have a pretty open relationship and are comfortable expressing our needs and desires. That we’ve learned over the years.
  • There is nothing that he doesn’t understand about me that I can think of. I am very open about my life and thoughts about life.
  • There is really nothing. We’re best friends.
  • There isn’t anything; I say it all…
  • We have a very verbal relationship. I explain things to him and he does the same. We will be married 40 years 2/14/2006.
  • We have good communication between us. Cannot think of anything at the present.
  • We talk everything over–no secrets!!

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I need reassurance / I need him to help me feel more secure

  • I wish he would tell me he loves me without me saying it first.
  • Because my first husband constantly ran around on me I wish my husband could understand that it really hurts when he looks at another woman or is overly friendly.
  • He never took time to get to know me, his love was empty, and I wish I had never married him, but I am grateful for my daughter I have. I am divorced and have no one in my life right now, but I answered the questions as I would feel if I had a husband or a male companion in my llfe. I would love to be loved for me and to give and share love equally as if it was only us in the world. In other words, I want to be number one in his life.
  • How much I need to feel like #1.
  • I may appear tough (professional/assertive) on the outside, but emotionally I really do bruise easily.
  • I need to be told how much he needs and loves me. He never shows much emotion although he says he does.
  • I really am not able to answer this question…I have been single for quite sometime and am thinking of my most recent relationship when answering these questions. I am not currently in a relationship.However, oddly enough these questions seem to some of the exact reasons I am still single I was married for about a year when I was 20–that was 20 years ago. I am attractive but insecure, I guess, so when some of these situations arise that you have explained, I tend to end the relationship because I feel not adored enough and think I will find someone who will because that is what I deserve. But I am still single, so perhaps I am not thinking correctly. Too insecure to love–that is what I chalk it up to be.
  • I want to get married, but I want him to be the one to ask me so that I don’t feel like I initiated the process. I feel like he hasn’t proposed because I am somehow still being “tested” to see if I am good enough. I know he loves me, but after 5 years, I would like to move on to the next step without feeling like I am dragging him down that road. I know that our commitment is lifelong and we have both been married before, but he knows it is what I want, and he still doesn’t ask.
  • I wish he knew that I like to and need to be touched every day and be told that he loves me to be secure. I wish he knew how sad I am that he doesn’t tell me he loves me; he just thinks that I know this and he doesn’t have to say it becuase he doesn’t like to.
  • I wish he understood my need for reassurance. I grew up as an abused child and now need to feel safe, pretty, needed, wanted, and loved. Even though I know my husband loves me, I would like to hear it more often.
  • I wish he would show how he feels more often. I know I am important to him and he loves me, but he doesn’t tell me.
  • My ex-husband never realized that I needed more confidence in his feelings for me. He never asked how I felt about goals, lifestyle, or family relationships–particularly with his over-indulgent mother who hated me! She was a very divisive factor in our marriage, and he never could understand why I did not want to live in the same apartment building or why I was so angry that she had a key to our apartment—and snooped in my personal belongings.
  • That a woman always needs emotional reassurance and nice words. Men do not understand these needs because they are so practical.
  • That he processes everything based on logic, where I am one who processes information based on emotions. He says that I know logically that he loves me and that should be enough. But emotionally I don’t feel loved. He never tells me he loves me. He never intiates affectionate physical contact unless he wants to make love. Every kiss, every touch is made to intiate sex–not just because he loves me. I wish he could kiss my neck or hold my hand or stroke my cheek or give me that “I love you” look or even just tell me that he loves me once in a while. Not just say that I should be okay with the fact that we are married now and that should logically tell me he loves me.
  • That I don’t really like competing with the remote control for his affection and attention. I would like his mind with me istead of what’s next on TV. I also feel insecure when he stays up late at night instead of coming to bed at a reasonable time to make love to me. I feel like he stays up late to avoid having to take care of my physical needs.
  • That I need his affection and that he needs to intiate a better sense of caring and romance in our relationship. He needs to put me first and not take me or what I do for granted.
  • That some women need reassurance, and it’s not because are weak.
  • That while professionally I’m very competent and self-assured, in my social/personal life, I’m insecure, ashamed, always wondering what’s “right” to do/say.
  • Women need to be reassured, often, that they are beautiful and they are loved.

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I need him to be more comfortable with showing/dealing with feelings and emotion

  • Why I sometimes cry. I can’t make him understand that I am simply an emotional person and every so often just need to cry to release pent-up emotion. He always seems to feel my tears are some how related to him, or that I am unhappy in our relationship. That is never the case.
  • He’s unable to understand my need to cry on occation–he will always say, “Oh, please don’t cry now. I don’t cry much anyway. But he only closes the door at those times.
  • That all feelings need to be shared, or how else can you know what a person is feeling, what they want or what they need.
  • That I need him to be more sensitive to my emotional needs, and have him truly understand that.
  • To show his feelings more.
  • To stop trying to reason things scientifically all the time and let in more room for emotional reasoning.

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I need to feel beautiful in his eyes

  • He needs to know that I feel that he doesn’t truly think I am pretty. He never says I am pretty or even that I look nice, but it is easy for him to say this about other woman. Does he take me for granted?
  • How beautiful I am.
  • How terrible I feel when he tells me that I am plain looking and not pretty.
  • I wish he knew how much I need his attention and words of appreciation and for him to tell me how beautiful I am. He isn’t as giving as I’d like him to be.
  • That no matter what I look like on the outside, I’m still the same person he married on the inside…
  • The desire I have to try to keep from getting too far out of shape, even though I have a slight weight problem in my stomach area. I try to keep my weight down to avoid any health problems.

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I wish he understood what I need sexually

  • How to be very tender in making love and not ask me what I like.
  • I cannot “perform” boring “daily” sex. The kids are in bed and now we go and have sex before sleeping, because that’s what we ALWAYS do. Same position, the same time every night…BORING!!
  • I have not told him that I need to feel safe, and if I did feel safe, then my desire for sex would increase and be like it was when we first got together.
  • I need a little more “ramp-up” time to sex. When he reaches in and grabs for something, it makes me feel like a peice of meat. A kiss on the neck would do wonders for getting me in the mood–more so if not every such kiss led to sex.
  • I need gestures of love and nonsexual intimate connection before, and then I am more able to respond to physical lovemaking in a positive way.
  • I wish he knew how I feel when he pushes himself on me sexually. He knows I was molested as a child but he doesn’t understand that when he gets demanding about sex, it makes me want to run fast and far away.
  • My need for a back or body rub to unwind and change gears…he doesn’t get it at all.
  • Please make love to me, not just get off and go to sleep. I need to know that you desire me, love me, and want to please me as well.
  • Sex twice a month just doesn’t cut it.
  • That he really needs to put his heart and soul into our lovemaking, not just get it up and climax!
  • That if I felt I had more help from him with the house duties and the kids (without having to ask or prod), I’d be much more likely to want to be intimate with him.
  • That orgasms are important to women–not just being sure the husband has one!
  • What I want from him sexually.
  • What I want in bed. I tell him over and over again, and he get’s it for a while but then slips back into his old ways.
  • What I want sexually.
  • Years of verbal downing me or making me feel less than I am causes me to not want to have sex or really be close. I am faithful, but I need closeness/cuddling without sex, at this age especially.

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“No” doesn’t mean he isn’t desirable

  • For him to know I don’t love him less just because my sex drive isn’t as strong as his.
  • How much I truly and deeply love him, but my body just doesn’t have the same sexual drive as his until we are engaged in the act. Then I’m VERY into it. I wish he’d initiate it more and not be afraid of being rejected.
  • I want him to understand that I do want to have sex with him a lot and fulfill different fantasies, but he has to let me feel comfortable with the scenarios and see things from my point of view when it comes to sex and not pressure me.
  • I’m getting older, and I don’t have the torrid sex drive I had 16 years ago.
  • My busy day and why my interest (in sex) is low.
  • My low sex drive due to past experiences.
  • That I don’t like to have sex 7 nights a week. And that it is completely normal that I don’t.
  • That I just have very little sex drive.
  • That I really want to have sex, but something in me pushes sex away. If he continued to gently seduce me , I would eventually become aroused and enjoy it.
  • That just because I do not want sex as often as he does, I still love him deeply and find him very attractive.
  • We are on the same wave length…we have no trouble understanding what each other needs or wants. My only problem is a lack of sex drive. I don’t understand it, but he is very understanding.
  • When I say no to sex, it’s not that I don’t love him or find him attractive, it’s more that I’m so exhausted from the day that I just want to go to sleep.

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I need more romance

  • Courtship doesn’t end the day we get married; it is an ongoing thing so the marrage can survive.
  • How to be more romantic in our relationship like it used to be in the beginning.
  • I need more romance.
  • I want both of us to become more romantic so we can try to get the old feelings back.
  • I want him to send me flowers just because he is thinking of me or just send a note letting me know he is thinking of me.
  • Men tend to be “big picture,” “bottom line” thinkers. It would be nice if they could focus more on the moment, be more romantic in little ways. There’s more to life than food and a roof over your head. We (women) can do that on our own. They need to give us things that are unique to them, that only they can give. Sometimes, to a successful, project-driven man, we become a project to be managed and even if they see it as loving, it can come across as a little cold and a lot of misunderstanding is generated.
  • That romance is very important to me.

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I need him to have a better understanding of what is important to me

  • I wish he knew why church is such a big part of my life, and that I do deeply love him, but God is first in my life and family second. Also, that I need attention. It is the little things that matter to a woman. Grabbing my hand to hold it, touching my shoulders, just a hug. Not sex, not grabbing at me, but just the small things.
  • For him to understand how important my community volunteer activities are to me.
  • I need him to listen to things that are important to me the way I try to do for him. Even if they seem silly or trivial to him. Sometimes, I try to share part of my day with him, and he just seems so totally disinterested in it. That hurts. I understand he’s not a big talker and never has been, but showing a little interest would be nice.
  • I wish he would be more interested in what interests me and not just nod his head as if he was interested.
  • I wish he would understand how to have more faith in God. He tends to be too negative.
  • The importance of a deep faith life and frequent prayer.

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I wish he respected/appreciated my duties as a wife and mother more

  • How tiring it is to keep the house clean, cook dinner 5+ times a week, keep up with laundry, work full-time, schedule the kids’ activities and then get them there, and then schedule “down time” where I can actually sit and veg in front of the TV or read a book.
  • I recently quit my career to stay home with our children. Although I am happy in our decision, the loss of my income has had an impact, and more importantly, I feel that I have LESS value in our relationship now that I do not bring in an income. He tells me that he values my job as wife and full-time mother, but I do not think it is the same as bringing home a paycheck. This is hard for me to articulate to him. He thinks it should not matter to me and that I am valued the same regardless.
  • I wish he would compliment me more often on meals I prepare, and appreciate the efforts I make toward saving and paying for college (almost entirely on my own) for our youngest child. I am rarely praised for my financial planning efforts and successes.
  • It’s hard to switch from being a mom to being a wife and wanting to have sex.
  • The struggle and unhappiness of raising children alone.

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I wish he would help more around the house

  • How important my job of taking care of the household is and how I wish he would help. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so stressed and could be intimate more often.
  • How to load the dishwasher.
  • I’m not his mother…he needs to do things without being told and told and told.
  • That I need a little more help around the house.
  • That it would be really beneficial if he were more help with the children, rather than expecting me to do it all.

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I wish he understood my past

  • I have had more sexual experience than he has. He isn’t lacking in any way. I just would never want him to know how many partners I’ve had in my past. I wish I could tell him everything, but I think knowing about my sexual past would change how he feels about me.
  • Probably my childhood and all the traumatic events that occured, which have caused my insecurities. It would be hard to tell him everything that happened to me.
  • That any feelings of insecurity I have are not because of him, but they are a result of past relationships and that I have no doubts about the way he feels about me.
  • That I do truly love him, but my love for him will never compare to a love I had in the past. I love him as much as I am able to love another. I wish he understood this about me, but it is something I could never tell him because all it would do is hurt him.

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I wish he would communicate more/make more effort to understand how to communicate with me

  • When I come home and vent about something that happened at work, he always has to see the other person’s side of things. Instead of just listening to me and pretending to understand, he ends up making me madder by not seeing things my way and not being supportive of how I feel.
  • Consider my viewpoints and try to understand my feelings.
  • He needs to communicate more often and tell me how he feels.
  • How important it is to pay attention and listen when I am speaking–COMMUNICATION!
  • How important it is to pay attention to what I am saying.
  • How my negative emotions arise when I feel hurt and in what situations I do feel hurt. Often I cannot explain it to myself either.
  • how to control his outbursts and being more aware of them.
  • I need him to be more patient in listening to me. He needs to let me take my time in explaining things rather than rushing me.
  • I wish he knew how to be a better listener. He’s talented at selective hearing.
  • I wish he knew how to talk more to me about feelings. And that we could have much better discussions if he didn’t have such a short temper.
  • Just to really listen to me.
  • My need to be listened to without interruption completely before he presents a solution. If he answers too quickly I don’t feel like he really knows how I feel about the situation.
  • My opinion should be asked for and the answer respected in decision making. If he goes ahead with his own preferences over mine, I would like an explanation, not a confrontation.
  • Sometimes I get upset for no other reason than I’m just upset…he doesn’t have to fix it.
  • Sometimes that no answer or “I don’t know” is better than saying some kind of platitude.
  • Talking to me about his day, instead of saying it was the same sort of day. He watches TV programs mostly to relax at the end of the day. Communication is important to me and it’s important to a good marriage; it used to be important to him.
  • That I hate accusations!
  • That my opinions matter.
  • That sometimes I just need to talks so that I can make my own decision.
  • That sometimes I just need to vent, rant, etc. I’m not looking for a solution, maybe just a smile and a laugh when I’m done. And a hug.
  • That there should be a variety of topics for conversations.
  • That when I tell him how I feel inside about something concerning our relationship, that I am just trying to share my feelings with him so we can discuss them. He takes it as criticism and turns it around so I feel like the bad guy for bringing it up. He says, “I never do anything right” or “I can never please you,” which isn’t true. And so the problem never really get’s discussed. I wish he could understand that it’s important for me to be able to talk about these things and also understand that I’m not just being critical.
  • There doesn’t need to be anything “off limits” between the two of us…we are supposed to be one.
  • This one is hard…after 30 years, I still cannot explain why the words, “Why can’t you just SHUT UP?” set me off. I hate those words, and I will get pissed off, and I stick my foot in my mouth. I don’t get as mad if it is “Why can’t you just keep your mouth closed and not say anything?” …but when I hear “SHUT UP”…even during a call to check banking on the phone…SHUT UP is soooooo talking down and ordering me that I blow up…always have and always will, I guess…but somehow, no one sees it that way, and they think I am overreacting….which sometimes I may be, but that is a biggie.
  • To be a better listener. And not to take over the conversation or change the subject when we are talking.
  • When to take what I say seriously and when to ignore it as simple venting.

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I wish he’d make more of an effort to take care of himself

  • He needs to be financially mature and responsible, and have realistic “visions” about his habits and appearance.
  • I wish he would understand more about healthy eating and keep the unhealthy food out of the house.
  • I would like him to be more active about keeping his body in better shape. I know I would find him more attractive, and he would have a better self-image.
  • That body cleanness is important.
  • That he would be much more attractive and appealing if he cared what he looked like.
  • That he’s too fat and sloppy.
  • That we both need to take care of our bodies better so we can be attractive to each other ALL the time!
  • To take better care of himself. He has had open heart surgery and he has type II diabetes. He sneaks cookies and candy, and does not get enough exercise. He drinks a least 12 cans of diet Pespi.

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I wish he would consider my feelings more/realize how what he says and does affects me

  • His actions to others sometimes hurt me.
  • His moods affect mine.
  • How hurtful his sarcasm can be.
  • I wish he could understand that his treatment of me is emotional abuse and that over a period of years that abuse has driven me away from him, emotionally if not physically.
  • I wish he knew how much I need him to help me and listen to me. I wish he cared more about how things he does makes me feel.
  • That he needs to exhibit mature behaviour, control his temper, and show an interest in our children.
  • That his criticism of me in front of friends and family hurts my feeling very much.
  • That saying things in a critical manner is very hurtful, and I do tend to take such remarks personally, even if he doesn’t think that he said them that way.
  • To understand my stress issues and have compassion for me.

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I have trouble closing bad windows (forgetting things that happened in the past)

  • My father’s death has made me want to hang on to childhood memories (collect photos,etc.)
  • My lingering obsession about how my job ended.
  • That I’m still dealing with the loss of a baby three years ago.
  • The separation we had three years ago left an insecurity in my life that I had never had before in any other relationship, ever, and I can’t shake it.

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That I am an independent person / Sometimes I need space / need to make my own decisions

  • Certain things I would like to make decisions about instead of him making them.
  • Don’t follow me around the house when I’m upset about something or unhappy. I’ll tell you about it when I’m ready. Don’t pester me. I tend to be an introvert until I figure stuff out.
  • He needs to know that I am secure enough without needing constant telling.
  • I don’t need him to rescue me from every situation. I am quite capable of handling a lot of things just from previous experiences.
  • I like my space.
  • I’m a very independent woman. He thinks because I want his attention or opinions that I’m too dependent on him.
  • My need to be left alone…
  • That I am not totally dependent on him to complete any of my tasks that I need to do in life.
  • That I value my independence, but it in no way reflects that I do not want to be with him.
  • That sometimes I need space, and it isn’t meant to reflect negatively on our relationship.
  • To leave me alone sometimes….at times I just need space. There’s nothing wrong, but he can’t understand that!

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Faithfulness and trust are very important to me

  • I wish he could believe that my ex-husband is nothing more than the father of my child, and I only cooperate with my ex because of our child, and to keep peace.
  • I wish that he could have had more faith in my words/feelings instead of listening to other people, then our relationship could have worked out and we would still be together loving each other as one.
  • Lying is a deep, deep betrayal.
  • That faithfulness and trust are important in a relationship. And that he has abused my trust and needs to work on building it every day.
  • That he hurts with his lies of omission as much as anything.
  • That I’m really as sincere as I appear.
  • That loyalty to each other is absolutely vital in keeping a marriage great.

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How much I need him to be there for me / want to be there for him

  • Having sex is not as important to me as having a meaningful conversation.
  • He does not understand my need to be taken care of, at times.
  • He is great with me, except since my illness it’s been hard coping.
  • How I want to be close to him a lot without always having sex.
  • How important it is to spend quality time.
  • How much I need his attention.
  • How to love me and to show love.
  • I am hurt when he doesn’t ask how my surgery goes when I have to have it.
  • I just need him to listen sometimes and just give me support.
  • I need him to spend time with me, in the same room, even if we’re not engaged in deep conversation. Simply being with me is important to me.
  • I need his attention every day.
  • I need to be in his life–know what he is considering, what happened today, how he’s feeling. Most men will not let you into their head. A woman will tell her best friend, even if she did a BAD thing–but not men.
  • I need to spend more time together.
  • I wish he knew how badly I need emotional support in everyday situations and time set aside to just talk with each other.
  • I wish he understood how emotionally distressed I am right now. I am on the verge of suicide and he’s not listening to me. I tell him things all the time but he either doesn’t want to hear it or simply says, “Sorry babe. I cant help you.” He tends to take things in stride and doesn’t really listen to me when I try to say something’s wrong.
  • I wish he understood my creative side better, and was willing to let me talk about it.
  • I wish he would understand how much I love and respect him even when I’m busy with chores and volunteering, and work. He feels we do not have enough time together, and would like me to sit for long amounts of time on the sofa with him, etc., but I like to be more physically active. I think he is more codependant and emotional than I am as we age.
  • I wish my significant other realized how much I simply enjoy doing things with him and that I would really like to join him in the activties he likes and want him to try some of the things I like. I think it would lead to a greater understanding of each other.
  • I would like him to be able to show/express more emotional support…especially when our kids need it.
  • I would like him to know I want our love/respect for each other to grow more and more each day.
  • It would be nice to be shown a little more attention or to be closer emotionally and physically.
  • Just a little more affection during the daytime…a little smooch or hug when he passes by me in the house.
  • Know what I’m feeling.
  • Listen to me and respect my feelings.
  • My depression.
  • My need to be comforted when I am upset.
  • My need to have him around more.
  • Pay more attention to me.
  • Sometimes I just need him to listen and give me a hug.
  • That he could be more emotionally supportive when I am upset. He is currently depressed about his job and not being able to find a new one. I wish he would get help, because I feel that his depression is affecting our marriage.
  • That he needs to be able to better share his attention between me and his daughter. He elected to start a relationship with an adult, and he needs to foster that adult relationship as well as his relationship with his child (which is all-consuming…she enters a room, all else stops.)
  • That he needs to show more affection at all times.
  • That his touch is just as important as having sex. I need to feel his hands on me–touching me–as a way of telling me we’re a couple.
  • That I appreciate him just being in proximity to me, even if we are not talking or interacting.
  • That I complain only because I want to see him give the best of himself so he can receive the best.
  • That I love him very much and that if I ever found out that he was with another women I would never forgive him for it.
  • That I need him to be more supportive and caring.
  • That I need him to do things because he wants to…not because I ask him.
  • That I need him to share his thoughts with me. Just what happens in his day –you know, just the everyday things. Sometimes when I ask, he makes me feel like it is not my business or that I’m prying. Whereas it’s just more that I want to be a part of his life and know what makes him tick.
  • That I need to him to be present with me–to care enough to really listen and care about the things that I think about–even if they are not important to him.
  • That our relationship should be a partnership, where we work together on all aspects of our lives.
  • That when I offer advice I’m doing it because I care.
  • Though I do not need continuous attention, an occasional emtional connection would be nice.
  • To be more romantic and patient with me.
  • To show more emotion and not be so distant.
  • Touch me more often.
  • What emotional support is.

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Miscellaneous

  • Family must come first.
  • For him to be more considerate of others feelings.
  • He wanted me to be jealous, but I am not a jealous person.
  • His relationship with his mother. He is extemely close to her.
  • His unwillingness to seek medical help for erectile dysfunction is breaking my heart.
  • How I feel that our age difference really affects us.
  • How important it is that I respect him and what that respect adds or ultimately takes away from our relationship.
  • How to follow map directions that I give him!
  • How we need to raise the children.
  • How worried I am about the future of our family. We are not looking at a very bright financial situation, and although I believe we’ll be okay, I still worry too much. I worry that my ex-husband will try to take my little boy too much, too.
  • I am a creative person that sees gray, not just the black and white of an issue.
  • I am not a cold person.
  • I am not married, and I love being single. I have had affairs. I am attracted to men, and they are to me, and I have many male friends. At this time in my life I am able to “swing and sway” however I want. I enjoy a man complimenting me. I do like men and feel they are important to a woman if she is married or single.
  • I had a one-night affair, but that’s only because he didn’t or couldn’t satisfy me.
  • I haven’t always felt good about myself or self-confident, so now that I do, I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with that.
  • I know I am very verbally nasty, and I don’t mean most of what I say.
  • I support him in dealing with his overprotective, don’t-wanna-lose-my-son, wife-ain’t-good-enough mother.
  • I want a baby.
  • I wish he better understood his own insecurity.
  • I wish he would stop being so insecure. He likes that I look good but makes me miserable because I do, judging me and criticizing everything I wear or do. I would appreciate him more if he accepted me just as I am and supported me and my decisions more. Let me be an individual!
  • I wish there was more financial support coming from that side. I am tired of financing this whole relationship.
  • My husband just enjoys other women, conversation, looking, hugging, and kissing…and since he has had numerous relationships prior to ours, I am not sure if I am the “real thing,” so I just enjoy every day and try not to worry too much about it.
  • Some things are best left unsaid.
  • Take things slower.
  • That he spends too much time worrying about financial situations.
  • That I absolutely mean what I say all the time.
  • That i wish I were of more support financially.
  • That I’m not attracted to him like I used to be. After the stress of having a special needs child, that’s all I care about nowadays.
  • The need for us to move into a different house and live our own lives separate from his family and all their problems. He understands this a little, but gets annoyed and seems to think I don’t want to have anything at all to do with them (which is not true).
  • The toll chronic illness takes on women.

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