Research: Survey Verbatims- How Men Think: The one thing they most wanted to say (from the For Women Only book)

for-women-onlyThe verbatim answers of surveyed men to:

What is the one thing that you wish that your wife/significant other knew, but you feel you can’t explain to her or tell her?

I wish she’d make more effort to take care of herself (appearance and health)

  • About being over weight and her sweets craving
  • Appearance
  • Being overweight and promising to diet, exercise etc. but never keeping it up and always finding a ‘reason’ is incredibly frustrating and somehow devaluing.
  • Being overweight bothers me and i am concerned about her health in general
  • Her appearance
  • Her being overweight turns me off sexually. She is under medication, which is causing her to gain weight. I lose interest in her because overweight women have never stimulated me sexually.
  • Her clothing style
  • Her looks
  • Her looks. She is a very pretty woman, but she is not taking care of herself so she feels bad about her looks, she has little energy and we are limiting our opportunities such as going to a pool party, or the lake or beach.
  • How difficult it is to tell her something about her looks
  • How much her weight bothered me.
  • How unattractive her cigarette smoking is.
  • I do not like her to be overweight
  • I love the way she looks, she is beautiful and sexy, but I don’t think she always believes me when I tell her that. She often complains about getting fat, but isn’t very disciplined about exercise and healthy eating. If she isn’t going to make the effort to get in shape then she shouldn’t complain about it to me.
  • I simply don’t know how to get across to her that her health could be better if she’d eat more healthily and take the nutritional supplements I take and would provide to her.
  • I think she could be more concerned for her health
  • I wish she knew how much I want us to both diet and keep in shape.
  • I wish she knew how much more satisfied emotionally and sexually she would be if she would lose the weight she needs to lose and would get somewhat physically fit and stay that way.
  • I wish she would buy herself new clothes. It’s not that she can’t afford them, but her mother buys them for her thrift shops. I do not know the reason and dare not ask.
  • I wish she would fix herself up on weekends as much as she does as when she goes to work.
  • I wish that she knew that I will love her no matter how she looks, but it means something to me that she cares about her appearance.
  • I wish that she would workout more to keep her in shape so she would feel better. We are still in love after 34 years of marrage and going strong. We made a covenut together and it will stay that way forever.
  • I worry about her being overweight, because it can affect her health, not because of the way she looks.
  • If she wants to look better, she needs to do something about it, not just complain about it all the time.
  • It is important to me that she does more to take good physical care of herself, not only for her own benefit healthwise, but also because she would look better for me, and be more desirable.
  • It is rarely safe to tell my wife how I honestly feel about weight/sex issues, even if she asks. Therefore, she either doesn’t know how I honestly feel, or she senses it but doesn’t want to hear it verbalized. So what passes for intimacy in relationship is something less. Unfortuantely, it sets up a husband to choose honesty only with another guy, or perhaps with another woman friend where the information would not be perceived as threatening. Fortunately, I love my wife very much.
  • Keeping up her apperance.
  • Making excuses for being overweight such as ‘it is in my genes’, is a cop out. When the problem is recognized but no action plan is in place to try and fix it, I am angry about this choice.
  • Men are visually driven and stimulated. It may not seem to be very important to her as to her overall image, but, to me it is very important. I will still love her if she is over weight but I will not be as stimulated by her. It’s an impulse that is instilled in me and is why it is important to me. She will probably see this as shallow and petty.
  • My significant other is overweight. Part of the ‘deal’ when we got together was that she wanted/needed someone to help her with losing weight. I want her to DO that instead of just talking about it, not because I need her to “look good” for me, but because I want everyone who sees her to see the beautiful woman that I know is there.
  • Not to get overweightt but try to take care of herself for me.
  • Overweight issues.
  • She needs to lose some weight
  • She needs to take better care of herself and try to be more emotionaly stable.
  • She should take better care of herself and see the doctor more often so I’ll have her around
  • She should try harder to look good for me and herself.
  • Some physical features do bother me.
  • Staying healthy
  • Take better care of herself
  • Taking care of herself
  • That her looks are important not only to me but that she would feel better about herself if she incorporated a little exercise into her daily life. She has no right to complain about being overweight when she knows that every meal contributes to the situation.
  • That her not taking care of herself bothers me. I spend a lot of time working out and she just sits around and gains weight etc.
  • That her personal hygene needs to be better
  • That her well being, mental state, and physical state are important to me. I feel that I can not explain this adequately or express it well, because I have tried in the past, and she seems to ignore it.
  • That I don’t care what she weighs or what she wears as long as she is healthy and feels good about herself.
  • That if she gets overweight, from eating too much or the wrong things consistently, if I say somehting to her about it it will make her feel real bad. If I am willing to watch my weight and exercise I would hope she would know that I am doing it for myself and for her and that she would at least think in those terms as well.
  • That looking her best is extremely important to me. Even though we’ve been married for quite some time, I’d appreciate more of an effort to impress.
  • That she is over weight
  • That she would lose weight.
  • That she would make the efort to lose weight instead of wanting new baggy clothes
  • That she would wear makeup at home too not just when she went out or to work
  • That taking care of herself for a long life is important so we can be together as long as God gives us day’s on this earth.
  • The fact that she thinks and knows she needs to lose a little weight but she does not stick to her diet. When she gets upset she gets off her diet. She is on a cycle of on the diet, off the diet. I just wish she would make up mind what she wants to do and then stick to it.
  • We have an incredibly open relationship. The only issues I hesitate to bring up regard topics that I’m afraid will hurt her to mention. Example: wanting her to look good as a “trophy wife” when I know her mind will immediately and incorrectly think “he thinks I’m ugly.”
  • Weight issues

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I need more sex / Sex is important to me

  • Be more romantic/aggressive
  • For her to take the lead when it comes to having a physical relationship
  • How I miss being loved by her and being able to make love to her. Over the past 3 and 1/2 years we have not had sex. She does not find it enjoyable and wonders why I hang around — we have been married almost 25 years.
  • How important closeness is(sex).How stressful my job is
  • How important sex is in our marraige.
  • How important sex is to a good relationship, not just being friends
  • How much a (more) regular sex life guards a man against lust.
  • How much I desire for her to be very open to other ways of making love
  • How much I’d like to have more sex. It isn’t that much of a chore for her. I think I’d give more if the shoe were on the other foot.
  • How much sex means to me.
  • How much spontaneous sex and fulfiling my fantasies about her mean to me — and how much visual stimulation I receive from seeing her naked.
  • How often I need sex
  • I deeply regret/resent the lack of intimacy of nearly any kind for the duration of our marriage. I feel rejected, inellegible, insignificant.lonely, isolated, abandonded as a result. We’ve been married for a long time. Not having the interaction I anticipated prior to marriage is lik a treasure lsot and irretrievable because of neglect. It causes deep resentment and hurt within me. This in turn fosters anger resulting in feelings of alienation
  • I have a hard time communicating to her how important it is to have variety and adventure in our sex life.
  • I have a voracious sexual appetite that has great effect upon my confidence, mood, attitude, complete faithfulness to our marriage. Her participation in this aspect of ME is critical to all areas of our relationship. Over the years her waning of sexual appetite has been a real negative on the overall relationship.
  • I love her with all my heart and don’t ever want to force myself on her selfishly. I do wish sometimes that she seemed a little more interested in closeness with me and that it was for both of us.
  • I sometimes feel it is hard to have my wife understand my belief in the difference between ‘sex’ and ‘making love’.
  • I still want to have sex with her
  • I want More Sex
  • I want sex more often
  • I wish my wife knew how often I desire sex……
  • I wish my wife would initiate a sexual relationship more often.
  • I wish she could understand how I feel about romance and sex. She is a pretty woman and I desire and want her, but she doesn’t think she is pretty so she holds back.
  • I wish she knew how important sex is to a man.
  • I wish she would initiat sex more often and be more aggressive
  • I wish she would make more of an effort in the bedroom. To me this means taking an interest in how she looks, bathing, lipstick, perfume, something sexy in lingerie to wear, even at least drying her hair. But I also know she is tired from working and the long commute both ways so I don’t push it.
  • I wish that sex together could be more frequent,but I cannot seem to get through to her.
  • Just because her parents taught her that she needs to be modest and refrain from sex until she was married, it doesn’t mean she has to be fearful, overly-modest, and unimagineitive in her love life with her husband. It is ok to try things new and do things differently. (Actually, I have mentioned this various times but she is very self-conscious of her body and embarrased to have me look at her. She also is very hesitant and rarely allows for any variation in the love-making ‘routine’) She refuses to believe God rejoices when two of his followers celebrate their marriage by making love and that he believes it is ok for married couples to try more than the ‘standard’ way as long as both are respectful of each other.
  • My desire for sex is much stronger than hers, and she doesn’t like to have sex.
  • My desires.
  • My need for sex
  • My wife due to diabetes and weight gain, and a hysterctomy is almost sexually inactive, and it drives me crazy.
  • Oftentimes, romantic experiences that don’t end in sex can leave me sorta feeling empty. Sometimes it seems like you don’t see that because you feel so satisfied in the emotional intimacy. I need both more than you understand. Sexual intimacy isn’t complete without emotional; emotional isn’t complete without the sexual.
  • Sex is a release of day-to-day pressures. It allows you to escape, even if for just a little while from all that is going on around you. It also feels good and seems to make everything else better. Sex is good and made better with the romance, love and kindness.
  • Sex is an important part of the relationship and that women can be just as needful of sexual intimacy as a man.
  • Sex is not a dirty word
  • Sex is something that I need more than perhaps she feels we need. My wife doesn’t think of herself as attractive when she has her clothes off. And therefore the window of opportunity for sex is limited to nights. When we are both tired from the day. This can be quite frustrating, although I try to keep my feelings from hurting her.
  • That a man needs sexual contact, but not necessarily sexual intercourse.
  • That as time goes by not all of us lose our sex drive or desires
  • That holding back sex for great lengths of time is not healthy.
  • That I didn’t always have to be the agrressor in sexual or romantic situations
  • That I feel she has some sexual problems from childhood that needs to be explored, and that that is interfering with the happiness we could have together
  • That I need sex on a regular basis to help with temptation with other women.
  • That I think about sex many times during the day
  • That I wish she would make an effort to desire sex on a constistent basis. She mainly seems in the mood for sex when we travel or get away for a night or two. I love her regardless of whether sex is constitent and good, or not — but it is very difficult without sex.
  • That I’d love to make love more often and that she would get a part time job to help with the money.
  • That romance and intimacy are important to me.
  • That sex is an important part in or life together. and that we need to make time for each other.
  • That sex is more important and would act on it!
  • That sex is more than just ‘sex’ — it’s an intimate connection / expression of our love.
  • That sex is not a requirement but a gift. Even though I put on the face of being slightly disappointed to not ‘get any’ I love her and understand that she does not always feel as attractive as I see her every day.
  • That she can initiate sex more often, anytime.
  • That we would have more sex a little more often.
  • The relationship between a man’s esteem and sexual intimacy in the marital relationship.
  • The woman needs to play an active role in the sex life. She needs to tell her mate what she needs, wants, and feels. Passive wife=boring life.

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I need to be desired and wanted / Need to know that I’m pleasing her sexually

  • Being needed by her is critical to me. It doesn’t have to begin and end with sex, or with talking, but just sitting/lying close. I think the physical closeness reminds and assures me that she loves me and wants me and needs me more than anything else. It is my love language.
  • How deeply day-to-day rejection hurts and unmines who I am as a man, as well as our relationship over an extended period of time
  • How important her desire for me really is, and for her to know how much I love her, even when I don’t buy presents and flowers for her.
  • How important is it to feel wanted, not just sexually gratified. My wife does not appear to have any sexual interest in me any more and hasn’t for some time.
  • I have a lot of the same needs and desires (sexually) that she does… I needed to feel desired too.
  • I really wish that I didn’t have to ask for physical touch. It doesn’t matter what type of phycial touch it may be, kissing, hugging or whatever.
  • I sometimes feel it is hard to have my wife understand my belief in the difference between ‘sex’ and ‘making love’.
  • I tend to be very insecure so when she rejects my advances it feels like a blow to my manhood. I don’t think woman find their identity in their sexual ability nearly as much as a man. I already have fear that I woun’t be able to satisfy her and that puts a lot of pressure on me. When she rejects my advances, it re-enforces my low self-image. This makes it more difficult to initiate and perform the next time.
  • I think that my wife after twenty-some years of marriage knows how important my need for sex is, but I wish she knew how important it is to me that she needs me sexually. She probably does not need sex so much, but I need her to want and need sex with me.
  • I want to be lusted after by her. I like when she is playful and interested and if I am failing to set/put her in the mood, she could help me accomplish that by doing things that would stimulate her.
  • I wish see would be agressive sexually. Make me feel like I am desired as I desire her.
  • I wish she was more uninhibited in sexual matters — willing to try new things. Also I wish she would occasionaly initiate sex
  • I wish that my wife understood that making a prioity of meeting my intimacy needs is the loudest and clearest way she can say, ‘you are more important to me than anything else in the world.’ It is a form of communication that speaks more forcefully with less room for misinterpretation than any other.
  • I wish that she would be more forward with sex. I wish she would initiate the encounters first every now and then.
  • I would like her to show me in various ways that she respects and appreciates my efforts. That she desires just to be with me. And that she desires to be with me sexually too.
  • I would want her to understand that for me there is an emotional tie to sex. Sex alone (i.e. her giving sex just to fulfill her ‘duties’) is not completely satisifying.
  • I’d like her to take more interest in desiring a more interactive sex life, not just thinking I’m the one who ‘needs’ it. I’d like to know she wants and desires more sexual pleasure too.
  • If I could get one thing across to my wife, it would be that I don’t just have sex to ‘get it over with,’ or because ‘it’s been awhile.’ I want to make her feel as good as I do, and I am disappointed if she doesn’t achieve an orgasm as well. That is probably when I feel less like a man than at any other time. I feel like I’ve failed, and there’s really no way to do anything about it at that time.
  • In having sex with my wife, it is important to feel wanted and desired by her – not just be available to meet my sexual desires/needs.
  • It is very important for me to have her enjoy the sexual experiance as much as I do.
  • It isn’t just the act of sex that I crave it is the act of satisfying her that gives me enjoyment. I could care less if we have ‘sex’, I would rather ‘make love’ 3 or 4 times a month than having sex as much as I wanted. Let me know what you enjoy, I get enjoyment from knowing that I have meet your needs.
  • My need to feel like she is still pursuing me. That I am worth fighting for.
  • My wife should make groanings that are natural as a way of also expressing her satisfaction during sexual intercourse.
  • No matter how she feels about her self and body image, I still truely sexually want her and to be around her. I find it more arousing and satisfying when she initiates the romance.
  • Sex and feeling desired by my wife is so important and vital to our marriage and my everyday life. It encourages me and gives me confidence in many if not all areas (work, family, social circles, etc)
  • Sex is not as important as feeling desired. Sex helps though!
  • She be more forward with sex. Ask me sometimes.
  • That I have no interest in having sex with her if it is not a mutually gratifying experience.
  • That I need her to ‘want’ me sexually. Not just to allow me to initiate — but sometimes to be aggressive in her initiation.
  • That she would hold me, caress me, initiate foreplay, that I would bask in the pleasure of closeness and sexual intimacy. She doesn’t understand that I feel loved by sexual caressing, and if she doesn’t want to, I feel incredible rejection. I need touch in intimacy and this includes sexual touching.
  • That the fact that she doesn’t want sex affects all other areas of my life. Just sex doesn’t fulfill this, it has to be wanted by her.
  • The need for her to seduce me sexually
  • To be wanted and desired by my wife. That is not something you can request. It is like respect, it needs to be earned.
  • We are pretty open, so we’ve talked through almost everything, but I still don’t think she understands how her occasional dismissals make me feel less desirable. I can’t resist her. I wish that I, too, was irresistible. She says I am. But her ability to say no so easily makes it harder to believe on an intellectual level.
  • When she says no, I feel that I am REJECTED- no is NOT no to sex- as she might feel— it is NO to me as I am and I am vunerable as I ask, or initate. plain and simple rejection

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Keep romance/love alive

  • As busy as she does get with the housework, kids ect., there needs to be some time set apart from all that to be alone and interested in me in order for our relationship to run smoothly. if too much time elapses without this type of time spet I start to feel unapriciated as well as not very special to her.
  • Before marriage, during marriage and after marriage, the love relationship that brought us together should be maintained and the other mate should be respected.
  • Her occasional touch is greatly appreciated.
  • I desire more love and attention
  • I need more intimacy
  • I want romance, not just sex. I want a partner that enjoys life and a sense of humor, not just someone who works on a long to-do list daily. I don’t ever want to feel like I’m one more thing she has checked off her to-do list for the day.
  • I want to have a beauty to rescue, a battle to fight, an adventure to live. I need her to look beyond the immediate needs, ups/downs and look at things long-term and in a bigger context
  • I want to tell her that it is important to show her love to me, to be affectionate, to be flirtatious, to be more openly loving
  • I wish she knew, I need more respect from her, and a lot more romance.
  • I wish the relationship was still like it was when we met. We have matured to the point where we both know each other’s buttons, though we will hardly ever resort to manipulating each other that way! (what makes each other upset or how to turn the tables on arguments or disagreements)
  • I wish we could spend more one on one time with each other
  • I’m desirous of her time
  • My answer to the Romance question is significant. She does not grasp my desire to be with her. Participation with her in recreation such as hiking, bowling or just a night out playing cards with friends would be such a nice thing to do. the frustrating thing is that she shows little interest in doing so…Still she shows little interest in doing such things. It is not that she is anti-social. It just is not important to her. Although I express my desire to do such things she just doesn’t seem to have the ‘wanna’. Sometimes I think she is so taken up in our grade-school son, she has not have the extra time for just us to do things together.
  • My Mother In Law lives next door to us. She is always over at our house. I would love to have more time with my wife alone. Just a romantic dinner together without distractions.
  • Romance must always continue in a marriage for the benefit of both husband and wife
  • She spends too much time doting on the children.
  • That all in all her man should be the most important partner,friend and lover she knows and to treat me as if tomorrow may never come and to try and enjoy every moment we have left together.To let me know that she is still happy in and about our relationship.
  • That I need romance. That I need touching and hugs as much as she does.
  • That she participate in different events that interest me
  • That the romance i show to her I would like for myself.
  • That the romance isn’t there any more and I spend all of my time trying to please her with no time for me.
  • That what I find romantic may not be what she finds romantic.

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I need her respect, in private and in public

  • About trusting each other
  • Don’t question me in public
  • Finding fault in things before compliments
  • Generally we communicate very well. Maybe it would just be to help her understand how much respect means to a man. I very much want the respect of others and co-workers, but having my wife’s respect is the most important thing to me. Having my children’s respect would be second.
  • Honor (in your terms-respect) is the guiding, most influencial part of life. Without it, there is nothing.
  • How bad it makes me feel when she talks down to me.
  • How much I value her opinion but not always the tone in which she delivers it. She seems to like to belabor a point far past the point of understanding.
  • How she embarrasses me sometimes
  • I want her to recognize my level of general knowledge along with my master degree.
  • I often feel disrespected by my family
  • I really want her to respect me for who I am and value my opinions. For example I would like her to follow-up on a particular piece of advice and take my advice occassionally.
  • I want what is best for her even though she doesn’t understand now why I am doing it or may never understand.
  • I wish she knew where I draw the line when it comes to other people knowing what our arguments and disagreements are concerning.
  • I wish she showed more trust in my decision-making. She usually takes a ‘glass half empty’ view of things and it bothers me — but when I try to point it out she gets defensive.
  • I wish she would really listen and respect what I say. I may not always be right, but as long as I know she trusts me and will follow, that’s enough.
  • I wish she would trust me completely and be completely vulnerable. Not feeling like I think she’s ‘not good enough’ but receiving my loving words for what they are. Not as an attack. I wish she could drop her defenses.
  • I wish she would understand that differences should be resolved in privacy rather than searching for others to agree on her point of view.
  • I wish that my wife knew how much I feel disrespected in our home, both by her and our older children (hers from a previous marriage).
  • I wish that she fully realized how much I need to feel respected, and good enough. At times I feel that I am not good enough for her.
  • I wish that she would listen to me
  • I would feel more respected if she took interest in the sports I watch and have the same emotions when my teams win or lose.
  • I would like her to act as if she respects me, more.
  • Interruption and disagreement, in an overly outward way, is disrespectful.
  • Men love your wives, women submit to your husbands – submission and respect. * Do not make him earn it, but sow the seed and see what God will do with your obedience.
  • Mostly that I don’t feel that she respects my opinions, even when I know, and believe that she should know that I know what I’m talking about.
  • My need for respect
  • Not to disagree with me in an area of my expertise
  • Respect – From years of bringing up our children, nagging them and scolding them to get things done right etc. I sometimes feel that unwittingly she treats me in the same way as she treats the children. Hey! I do some of the same things the kids do at home like leaving clothes on the floor etc that merits a talking to, but the method of correction must be different. I am the husband!
  • Respect among others. Public respect.
  • She cuts me off in every conversation, whether its with her, other person, or a group. When I’ve tried to explain this to her, she calls me a bastard.
  • She has a lot of power over me that she can wield either for me or against me. Just by withholding sex or telling me that my belly is getting big, she can crush my self-esteem at times.
  • She has to make me feel respected so that I can command respect out in the world. If she defeats me emotionally I can’t win the race and bring home the prize for her.
  • She needs to trust my judgement more when it comes to life decisions
  • She sometimes doesn’t give me credit for knowing about important social and living experiences and knowledge
  • She sometimes is argumentative about a subject that I know.
  • Talking about subjects at times to others that I would rather she not talk about. This bothers me but I usually let it slide.
  • That all the work I do is for her/family and that we both need to respect each other more
  • That at a minimum she should be supportive of me in public.
  • That her “job” in this relationship is to make me look good, just as my job is to make her look good. Sort of its the two of us against the world type thing.
  • That I need my own opinion to be respected
  • That I need some kind of affirmation as a father and/or husband. To be told verbally that I am making an important contribution to her life and that of our family. I also need to be told when I may be failing in these ways, but it isn’t always easy to hear.
  • That I often don’t talk much in restaurants because a lot of the things we talk about are private.
  • That I want her to agree and support me instead of disagreeing with me.
  • That I’m more aware of world matters and the technical aspects of life and wish she would more readily accept that to be true. This really bothers me because I feel that I fail in trying to convince her to change her thinking sometimes.
  • That it’s embarrassing to me when she disagrees with me in front of others.
  • That maybe all this ‘independence’ and ‘equality’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve always tried to let her have free reign, but feel she needs to use a bit more discretion in circumstances such as [being out to dinner with friends and vocally disagreeing with me]. I know it’s not likely we’ll return to a less ‘feminized’ time, but I think about it sometimes and feel it would be better for the family unit as a whole if the duties and responsibilities of man and wife were more well defined. Subconsciously (for me at least) there is an attraction for women from overseas that have a different attitude about marriage and relationships.
  • That she would listen more and not take things for granted.
  • That she would not try and disrespect me on items that I know I am talking about.
  • The she doesn’t have a clue as to my thought processes and shouldn’t tell people what I think. She’s always wrong.
  • The way she might act in front of people
  • Trust in my judgement on everyday items. Have confidence in my general abilities of learning, application, fixing, rebuilding, repair, etc. without her input of having to do it her way because she tells me she knows it and thinks I do not.
  • The importance of respect. Other note: the options for D6 aren’t quite right for me: too large a gap between the first two options.
  • When my wife says that she would like to see me lead more, what I hear and feel is that I’m not performing in a way that meets her expectations. I think that perception is derived from the times I feel I am leading, but get resistance or a negative response when I make a decision she doesn’t agree with. I also think that when she’s talking about leading (spiritually, parental, relational, etc) she has a very specific idea of what that means for my role as a man.

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I want to feel appreciated / Please be supportive at home

  • Be supportive
  • Convince her that I would like as much of her help with my problems, as she gives others.
  • Do as much at home as she does for others
  • Give love not saying it, and doing love or else you’re gone
  • How hard it is for me to take care of all bills and try to keep the odd jobs under control. It is hard to be a helping hand for the kids ( all gone for our house )and still keep up at home.
  • How I depend on her love and support.
  • How important I am
  • How much I continually think of small things to suprise and please her.
  • How much the little things bother me; not picking up her clothes, leaving lights on when not needed, leaving the dishes undone for days at a time. (I feel that I do the majority of the dishes, and when I don’t they usually pile up.) How much I dislike debt and overspending. How much I feel loved by little acts of kindness like bringing me a cup of coffee. How I feel victimized and trapped by pornography.
  • How supportive I am at all times
  • I am frustrated by her unwillingness to make the effort in trying to improve our relationship.
  • I am more sensitive then most men.
  • I can only do so much, but I always try to do the best
  • I do what I can do to keep this house together afloat
  • I don’t open up more because of my fear that she’ll use the opportunity to remind me of my faults.
  • I want her to know and understand my weaknesses, failings, shortcomings and still want me just as much as if I had none of the above — I want her to be the #1 source of encouragement to become the man God created me to be.
  • I wish for my wife to ‘clearly’ understand where I come from on the issue regarding helping each other.
  • I wish she understood how important her opinion is to me. Her praise is the determining factor since my father passed away.
  • I wish she would notice that I do virtually all of household maintaince/bills/shopping etc.
  • I wish she would support me more in reguard to problems with my adult son.
  • I’m a small business owner and unfortunately I spend a lot of overtime working to keep afloat. Sometimes I would like to come home with dinner on the table. This does not happen thanks to all this political correctness. My wife also has a full time career but I still have that “Leave it to Beaver” feeling that my wife should be more wifey, in the “traditional” sense.
  • Partners should share in providing income for the family in what ever way they can. Even telling a partner this or explaining it to them does not guarantee results. A partner must feel that it is their responsbility as well as yours to provide financial assistance to the family. Just as you share in the responsibilities of maintaining the jobs that need to be done at home.
  • That I feel she does not love me and therefore is unwilling to accept my love, but then blames our relationship problems on me.
  • That I long to feel appreciated and respected for who I am and for what I do for her. When I do things for her I want her to appreciate it and enjoy it. It doesnt matter if she does or does not reciprocate my gift or service as long as she lets me love her and appreciates it.
  • That I love her and that I need her care and support as I enter a retirement phase of my life. Lots of things are changing.
  • That I need constant reinforcement of being needed.
  • That I need encouragement, not fixing
  • That I need to know no matter what happens, if someone calls me fat and lazy, if I lose my job, if I wreck the car that I have one person in the world who will support me and be there for me no matter what; my wife!
  • That I would do anything that I can possible do for her.
  • That it is most effective when she focuses on her own health (spiritual, physical, emotional) and encourages me in my efforts instead of examining my shortcomings while barely acknowledging and often excusing her own
  • That she will not ‘win’ if she uses sex as a bargaining point, and if she goes to relatives or friends to get their advice on how to ‘run’ the marriage.
  • The many things I haven’t done in life becauce of family responsibilities!
  • The importance of encouragement from her. She has no idea how fragile I can sometimes feel.
  • Well, I am single guy…but women should know that guys actually like being together with you and talking and sometimes just being quiet. If we don’t answer your question or say something, it isn’t because we hate you, it might be because we are trying to figure out how we feel or what we should say. We want to be loved. And even if we never let you know, your praise and support and encouraging words mean more to us than you will ever know – and motivate us big-time.

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Understand what a burden I feel to provide for the family / How important it is to be careful with money

  • As I am the only source of income, I would like my wife to understand the budget I set up and the reasons I could not always buy extra things. Any overspending on this months budget cause an negative start on next month.
  • At our age, money is important and saving is paramount. She just doesn’t want to listen. When I bring it up she changes the subject. Her spending habits are too much.
  • How bad I feel when my family is not provided for in the way I feel that they should be
  • How she constantly nags about me working and that how much she wants me home but when the bills come in she gets disturbed because money is tight.
  • I feel confused. You want me home more (I travel each week and really wish I could be home), but yet you want a new house, nice things, substantial income etc. Please understand the catch 22 I am in. Due to past cutbacks with previous employers, I had to take this job. I feel like I am pushing two big rocks up hill.
  • I wish my wife would understand that I am not only providing for the present, but I am trying to save for our “Golden Years”
  • I wish she knew how hard I work and the reason I do it is to provide for our family and that money doesn’t grow on trees!
  • I would like her to know that everything I do is for the betterment of the family and our relationship. The core of everything centers around the family, not one individual person.
  • I’d like her to understand how much of stress my work really is. How much importance I place on providing well for the family.
  • Money management
  • My feelings of inadequacy in my job.
  • She does not have a clue as to why I work and have worked as hard as I have all my life to attempt to make life easy for her and our family.
  • Taking care of a family is a huge responsibility. I would like more co-operation from her when it comes to financial matters.
  • That I am the provider and have to work to support my family.
  • That I contantly worry about caring for my family. I do not think she realizes the pressure I am under and I dislike that.
  • That i take my responsibility very seriously, and that i would do anything to make her happy
  • That I want to be out in the work force and helping with the bills. Even though I am disabled I feel that I can help pay the bills so that she dosen’t have to work so hard.
  • That my priorities ARE my family. I wish I knew of some way not to work so much, or to be available more, but I don’t know how to make this work. I wish she was more aware of this.
  • That some things that are important to her aren’t as important to me. My way of arranging priorities is based on the financial stability of the family and the ability to have a roof over our head, something to eat and making sure everyone is medically sound.
  • There are several areas of my business (real estate) and wanting to be in charge of my own destiny (entrepreurish)that I don’t feel that my SO can get a good grasp of and appreciate.
  • To be more understanding of my work hours – don’t always fit in with her plans but I still have to work.
  • To not waste money
  • You wish you could explain how it feels to have the weight of what the Lord wants on you. How the Lord can call and it can be hard to explain and how to provide for a family with the Lord’s calling on your life.

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Understand how draining my job is / Why I need some ‘down time’

  • All the pain I had to go through with my job. Seeing dead bodies, handling domestics where the wife needed a [good shake]. Where I get called to a husband and wife and child scenerio and the wife is calling the hubby derogatory names in front of the child, and he’s taking this for the sake of “Love” and then I would have to escort the husband out of the home or hear the kids crying “No please don’t take my Daddy away.” Hearing the family of a recently deceased person screaming and seeing young children crying for their father or mother, and I can’t do anything about it. Goiong to an emergency, starting CPR on a person and sweating and straining and having to get pulled off the person when the Parmedic calls the person DOA and there is a straight line on the meter. You call all of this Post Trumantic Stress Syndrone or “Shell Shock”. You can’t tell your wife this and expect them to feel what you’ve seen and done. Smelled the bad smells you’ve seen and tasted the bitter tears at the end of the day in the locker room, hoping none of the other guys in uniform see you. Going home and then picking up your sleeping kids and hugging them and then trying to get some sleep. Thats when the demons come and you get the nightmares, night sweats, shakes and you certainly don’t want your wife to see you break down and cry. All you do is try and get that sleep. I really loved my job, I would do the 33 yrs all over again. Even knowing that I would have to go through those bad night and days. but I would still do it again.
  • How dangerous my job is and the terrible incidents I witness everyday, being on the fire department.
  • How draining my work is, so that sometimes I don’t have time for her, and I get short with her at times.
  • How much alone time I wish we had not just being intimate.
  • I like spending time alone, and I would like spending some time together where we do not feel a compulsion to talk.
  • I love her, but I need my space. I also need time to hang out with the guys.
  • I love my wife and want to be with her. I feel that I should have some time to myself, but rarely do. I wish that she would not experience discomfort when I speak to another woman — and I’m aware of her discomfort so I rarely speak to other women in her presence.
  • I need some more private time to hang out with my friends.
  • I wish she could understand my need to be alone sometimes. To just be in serenity.
  • I would like for her to understand my job and how I must work with people all day and help them with their problems and see why I have the need to have some alone time.
  • That I need time to myself at times and I will get things done at my own pace.
  • Wanting short periods alone, especially while doing some work at home, doesnot mean that I don’t want to bewith her.
  • Wish that I could make her understand that sometimes when I don’t talk to her or act like a loving husband that it has nothing with how I feel about her. I just sometimes like to be left alone to my own thoughts.

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Understand that I like/need both my work and home life

  • I can really explain that I really like both my time at work and my time at home equally well. Whichever one I am at I try to put 100 percent effort.
  • She does not always understand how important my work is to me. She does not understand that I must always not only be “on time,” but just a little early!
  • That I enjoy my career and that being successful is important for me and us.
  • That I work hard but do enjoy being at home
  • That just because I work a lot, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be around her.

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I wish she’d understand my own emotional state

  • Being married for some 13 yrs, I always wish that my wife would understand problems which need not be told/explained. It is tough to be so, so understanding by not communicating yet totally expected to understand and be concern of all my situation. Sometimes, we guys just would not like to talk about it and keep very much to ourselves, believing that we can handle it alone or at times ‘sink’ with it (meaning letting the bad outcome to come true). All in all, I just wish a truly happy and careless life together and focus the goodness of the LORD every day.
  • How difficult it is to keep my own spirits up while she goes through her highs and lows.
  • How emotional I really am
  • How I feel when we argue
  • How it really feels to be overweght. She doesn’t have a problem and can eat anything, anytime. I don’t know if she will ever truly understand.
  • I find it hard to put my thoughts into words. If I *can* put them into words, the meaning I convey is but a dim reflection of what I mean. I feel like my own insecurities are a weakness. I am meant to be ‘the man’ so surely I’m not allowed to be insecure…?
  • I have needs too.
  • I want her to get to understand me a whole lot better than she does right now.
  • I wish she could be more understanding of my love and feelings. I have made attempts to discuss this but she has a hard time talking about these issues. She could be more supportive of my attempts to dream things into place.
  • I wish she knew that I am sensitive too
  • I would like to let my wife know that I fear being alone and unloved. I was raised by my mother, a single parent. My mother always told me it was okay to cry and share my inner most feelings. In my past relationships to do this meant I was weak. So I am very skeptical about sharing my true inner feelings.
  • No matter what words or tones I use, I can never convey to her exactly how I feel, for good or bad. From looks to standing up for herself to marriage. Its easy to preach communication to others, but very tough to live by.
  • Please try to understand me
  • That I also have feelings
  • That I am a more affectionate person than I often seem to display at times.
  • That I am a sensitive man who loves deeply that wants to be loved deeply. And that I do want to serve her if she would just let me.
  • That I need more attention when she is asking for personal space.
  • That it is ok to ask question about being a man. Like what are the biggest daily challenges I face? and how I need her to help.
  • The most important thing in a relationship is trust and when it is violated it’s hard to truly continue to be open with inner thoughts and feelings.
  • You can be upset with some one and still love them.

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That I am visual / Struggle with my thought life

  • How hard it is for men to fight sexual temptation. This is something I confront ALL THE TIME. I truly wish my eyes wouldn’t wander (and I take it in prayer to the Lord), but I must confess that I lose that battle more often than I win. I’ve never had an affair and have no interest in doing so, but I do lust in my heart every day. It’s so discouraging…. It’s all Satan, and it makes me despise him all the more.
  • How I struggle with lustful thoughts.
  • I can look at and appreciate the beauty of another woman without desiring her and jeopardizing my relationship or my feelings towards my wife.
  • I wish she knew how difficult it is for men (in general) and me (in particular) to battle against visual/sensual/sexual images. With the temptations offered in our media today (movies, TV/Magazine Ads, and the internet), we, as men, are bombarded with visual temptations everyday. I think to some extent she knows, because we’ve discussed differences between men and women, but the struggles with those images and how they affect you as a man are hard to share with your wife!
  • It’s a visual thing…
  • Lustful thoughts.
  • That my struggles with pornography and impure thoughts are not an attack on her. These struggles have been the result of habits formed as a young teen.
  • The fact that I have sexual desires for other women and sometimes I find myself wanting to act on those desires. It is difficult to know how to deal with them, and I do not feel comfortable talking with my wife about them, even in a joking manner. I’m sure she has sexual desires for other men, but again, we don’t talk openly about it.
  • To accept the struggle I have with lust and encourage me rather than freak out and conclude the worst about me. The more I can reveal my weaknesses without being judged or accused or without a major crisis in our relationship resulting from my transparency, the more I know I am loved for who I am, not for who she wants me to be.
  • When she shows a lack of passion or interest in sex, I have to fight the temptation to wonder what it would be like to be married to someone who was passionate and interested.

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Don’t worry so much / Lighten up

  • Change happens every day; nothing stays the same day in and day out. You can’t do any thing about it, so don’t be afraid of it
  • Do not worry so much
  • I wish she knew how much hope I have for the future and would like her to share my optimism
  • I’m always in a better mood than she thinks I am, but when she’s not “up,” it brings me down.
  • She is too dependent on doctors and doesn’t have a positive attitude.
  • She should have a more positive attitude toward everything and not assume that the worst things (the 5% problems) will occur
  • That little things that upset her are not such a big issue and that life goes on, get over it!
  • That men deal with things on a different level than women do. men are will look at a problem and solve it right away, not worry.
  • That she only sees the bad and doesn’t reflect on the positve things
  • To take life just a little bit easier, not make a huge issue about everything.

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I want her to have better self-esteem

  • Her appearance really doesn’t matter to me, except as it matters to her. A hair cut, clothes, roles or flat belly, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is how she views herself and how she views me. It drives me crazy when I think she’s drop dead gorgeous that she draws attention to faults I never even noticed, about either one of us.
  • How much I appreciate the love and effort she puts into things – even if they don’t turn out right. I’ve tried and feel she still places priority over the results.
  • How much I wish she would stand up for herself
  • How she feels about herself is more important to me than what she looks like. A positive self immage is is more important than an insecure ’10’
  • I want my wife to feel better about herself, who she is, and to have more self confidence.
  • I wish that she would accept the many compliments I have given her about how she looks and not keep putting herself down and feeling she is not attractive. She is, but cannot see it in herself or accept it when others tell her.
  • I would like her to be comfortable in who she is. She doesn’t have to fit some image dictated by our culture.
  • I would like her to have more confidence in her self and career. I think sometimes she is being lazy.
  • I’m satisfied with who you are. Please stop being so hard on yourself and just be the person who you are.
  • My wife is overweight and because of that does not like sex because she thinks she is unattractive. I wish she believed that I desire and find her very sexy and attractive. When I tell her this she just rolls her eyes and makes a smart comment or put down about herself. I truly love her just the way she is.
  • Needs self esteem to work better in her favor. Woman are from another planet. Have not been able to understand their reasoning on matters even though most women I know or come in contact with are around my age. Only woman I have ever understood was my mother
  • She needs to worry less about what other people think and stop second guessing her actions
  • That I did not have to constantly remind her that I still love her.
  • That she is not dumb. She is very smart
  • That she needs to have more pride in herself in order to find a good job and keep it.
  • To take the time to make sure she feels good about herself. It is hard to mention weight or looks without her taking the side that you are not satisfied with her. I am very satisfied, but want her to be happy and want to encourage her, but it is not easy to do.

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I wish she understood my past

  • About how hard it was to grow up as an overweight man
  • About my past
  • I wish she knew about all my past girlfriends but I don’t want to bring up the past since no good can come from that.
  • I wish she knew all of the tough things I been thru as a younger person and my very tough experiences, that are very hard to understand unless you grew up with me.
  • We communicate and talk about many of these topics. I am uncomfortable talking about my past sexual experiences with her. (She had not had any experience before being married with me.)
  • Some of the things that have happened to me in the past.
  • Things about past relationships.The way I want to be loved.

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I wish I understood her better / Wish she would communicate more

  • Believe me more. Communicate and trust better. I love her. I want to do more than I have done until now, for her.
  • Her way of communicating difficult issues
  • How I want her to share everything with me. She’s presently going through counseling for depressions and I want her to know that I accept her as she is but want her to share what she’s thinking and going through with me. I love her!!!
  • How much I wish we could communicate with each other better. How much I cherish our time togother.
  • How much we need to be intimate and openned with each other.
  • I wish she knew that she doesn’t have to second guess what I am thinking or feeling and that she had more confidence in her own thoughts and feelings and is able to express them. And if she enjoys something about the relationship or about sex that she does so honestly and openly with me.
  • I wish she would be more open and forthright in telling me what is going on inside her. I try to be open to her but sometimes she seems to jump to conclusions and blame me for my opinions and assumptions about what she is feeling.
  • Much of the time she just seems like she doesn’t want to talk with me or do anything interesting or fun with me.
  • My wife of almost 20 years left me for another man almost 3 years ago. My greatest desire looking back would have been for us to have spoken more openly and freely about our sexual needs and desires, especially what she needed/wanted. Her reluctance to EVER ‘make the first move’ or to show any initial romantic inclination was an ongoing source of pain and grief to me. It was always amazing to me that I, as the man, was always the one who had the ‘romantic’ feelings, as I ‘thought’ this was naturally a female instinct. Her lack of communication verbally on these issues, ulitmately led to the downfall of our relationship, in that instead of even trying to satisfy HER desires through me, she chose to pursue her desires through another.
  • Please don’t hide things or keep them bottled up inside. When you do, even though you are trying not to start something, it affects everyone around you negitively. I would rather we deal with whatever problem it is and get on with our lives.
  • Take time to listen to me and then share more of herself with me. touch me more

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I want her to be happy and satisfied / I want to do for her as God would want me to

  • How much I want her to be a godly woman doing God’s will.
  • How much I want to please and help her.
  • I would like her to know that I am insupport of whatever she wishes to undertake.Because I work alot of hours, she doesnt want to impose on me or believes I am too tired to help her in her undertakings, even tho I continually support her in whatever she wants. I am willing to help in anyway she needs, but she seems reluctant in many things to allow me to
  • I would want her to know that in every aspect of our relationship, both sexually and relationally it is important to me that she is as satisfied as I am.
  • That I wish I could personally fix all her problems at home/work/life (emotional/behavioral)
  • That I would want to be able to be the ‘dream’ of her life, yet suffer from personal and intimate needs that only can come from a loving wife (loving-my interpretation=a person who does seek to fill that position in all aspects of life as created by God).
  • That my heart is after God’s will for her.That she be fulfilled,happy and know God’s joy.That I am sincerely in love with God and as a result my not always doing the right things by her grieves me deeply.

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How much I love her

  • After so many years, I hope my wife knows that, she is the best hope in my life. If I should die, I hope she will go on to fulfill her life as, she needs to. We don’t have everything that we desire material wise but, there is so much more to life than, the subjective. Of course I see other women and, notice their appearance but, if I didn’t, I would have no imagination. But, unlike so many men I know, I don’t think with my eyes; I think with my mind. Judgement by first appearances, does not work for me. So many people, who are judgemental of other people for their appearance, usually are the most unhappy people. I hope that my wife knows, that I love her and, cherish our friendship, forever.
  • How deeply I love her
  • How great of a person I think she is.
  • How happy she makes me even when I am stressed or down about something else.
  • How important some things are to me that I won’t mention, because she’s more important to me than those other things.
  • How much I love and appreciate her
  • HOW MUCH I LOVE HER
  • How much I love her
  • How much I love her
  • How much I love her
  • How much I love her (Author’s Note: there were dozens of variations on “How much I love her”)
  • How much I really care
  • How much I really care for her.
  • How much I truly do care for and love her and the kids.
  • How much she means to me.
  • I am very happy with my wife… She may not be the perfect woman, but she is the perfect woman for me.
  • I feel it is difficult to explain to her have much I love being with her. She has a lower view of herself and cannot understand how i feel about her.
  • I have a perfect wife and marriage!
  • I have a wonderful relationship with my wife and we communicate well. I wouldn’t change a thing
  • I have no wife,we were married for 54.1/2 years before she passed away.It was a good mariage.
  • I have trouble explaining to her that I truly love her just the way that she is and that she does not need to change for me.
  • I just want to tell her that she means the world to me.
  • I just wish the love of my life knew I would do anything for her and that my love for her does not come with stipulations, etc…I love without ceasing and that I will make the relationship work through effort and support…I want her to know how special and incredible she is and why I love her so much
  • I just wish to convey to the one I love that I would do whatever it takes for her and for our relationship…I would literally die for her and sacrfice anything to make her life happier and also to make her realize how special she is to me…my Love has no bounds when it comes to her
  • I know in my relationship with my wife that alot of my actions, attitudes, etc. are compared to those of her father. My father in law is not the best example of a Godly man. Therefore, when situations arise and we have arguements, i am constantly compared to him and the way he is. My inlaws basically coexist in the same household and do not have a ‘true’ relationship when it comes to intimacy. The problems and concerns in my own marriage can be traced back to what my wife has seen as she grew up in a household. I try very hard and work hard to prove to her that i am not like my father in law, yes, i am a man and do the same things like most men do, but i also want my relationship with her to grow and be rooted in Christ. I would do anything to make sure that she knows how much i love her and that I will always be there. She is the love of my life and a gift from God!
  • I love her and only her. It doesn’t matter that our relationship isn’t perfect – my love for her is so deep that nothing could break it.
  • I love her even though my actions do not always convey the depth or breadth of my love.
  • I Love you with all my heart
  • I love you. Please understand me. Make the leap to try.
  • I really do love her.
  • I really do love her.
  • I want her to know how much I love her.
  • I want her to know that I will love her and accept her for who she is and not what she does or how she looks…I verbally communicate this to her often, but I am not sure she really understands or believes me!!!!
  • I wish she could understand the depth of my love and the feelings she conjures up in me. I wish that she also could understand and be convinced that I am with her for love and nothing else, regardless of looks, physical shape, size or ability.
  • I wish that she knew how much I look up to her for ALL she is — intelligent, beautiful, capable, sexy, creative, generous and kind. It seems that not a day passes when she doesn’t feel insecure in one of these categories (or sometimes more than one). I wish that she had the confidence in herself that I have in her. I wish that she could take my compliments at face value and not doubt either their veracity or my sincerity.
  • I would like for her to know that I still love her very much though that we are no longer married of her choice. I would accept her back if she should ever decide to come back.
  • I would like her to know everyday that I love her with all my heart, and would do anything it took to keep that love alive.
  • Just how much I love her
  • No matter what I love her and do the best that I can.
  • Regardless of the weight she has gained, she still is as appealing to me as she ever was. (I tell her, but I think she has difficulty accepting the fact.)
  • That even though I may not always show it in my actions and say it with my words, it is my desire to love her as unconditionally as Jesus loves me.
  • That for 23 years I have always loved her.
  • That having sex is great and that i enjoy it but its not the end of the world when we cant. i love my wife so much and i am one of those men who loves to hang out with her by going to the mall, movies or whatever.
  • That I do love her very much (though I do not tell her so). I just allow her to buy things that make her feel good!!
  • That I love her
  • That i love her … period! as she battles through getting the’baby weight’ off, i’ll be here … no matter what!
  • That I love her and like her and accept her as she is and find her beautiful and sexy and that I always will and that I will never ever want to divorce her or leave her and nothing she does is going to change that. I wish she would remember all the things we share in common and all the good things we’ve experienced together instead of forgetting it whenever she’s angry or feeling out of sorts.
  • That I love her deeply, but am unable to show her. I have always felt inadequate especially in the physical part of marriage.
  • That I love her more than she thinks I do
  • That I love her no mater what!
  • That I love her.
  • That I still love them after many years.
  • That I truly love her no matter what. (In case I do not get a chance I’d like to say that I resent in this survey being linked with a significant other..I’m married and in no way like two people who are shacked up and or living in sin because of their perversion.
  • That I will love her no matter what.
  • That no matter what I always have the best in mind for her. To give her all my love and the care I believe she deserve. To let her know she is safe with me.
  • That she is the most inportant thing in life.
  • That she truly is the light of my life.
  • The fact that I do love her, no matter what I do or say. Sometimes I don’t think about her feelings or what was said.
  • The one thing that my wife has problems understanding is that I really don’t care if she is overweight or doesn’t look like a 10 all of the time. Luckily she knows that I love her even when she looks ‘her’ worst.
  • The relational mistakes I make with you do not reflect how much I love you. My love for you is not in question. I still need to work at expressing it better.
  • We have been together a long time and I hope she knows I will always love her.

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Nothing — there’s nothing we can’t share with each other

  • After 53 delightful years with my wife — we have reached a high level of intimate communication — we know and understand each other completely —PTL
  • As far as having a deep dark secret, I don’t. Me and my finance are very active in our religion and church. We are very open with each other. I find myself telling her things I never would have told anyone. We are getting married in May. I think we are starting our marriage off right by being open, very open with each other.
  • Can’t think of any at the moment.
  • Can’t think of anything at the moment. We communicate very openly, and I don’t know of any concern that she is not aware of.
  • Don’t have any such issues
  • Don’t really know. We have an excellent relationship and talk almost non-stop. She’s my closest friend.
  • I am remarkably open with my wife. Nothing comes to mind, sorry.
  • I am transparent to my wife and we use to tell how do we feel about each other and really talk things out to make sure our relationship works out well.
  • I can explain anything to her
  • I can talk about anything and everything and I do.
  • I can’t think of any thing at this time. We have been very happily married for nearly 37 years.
  • I can’t think of anything. We are very open in our relationship.
  • I don’t feel that there is a topic or feeling I can’t share with her
  • I don’t fel there is anything that I can’t talk to her or explain to her.
  • I don’t have anything that I can’t explain to my wife at concerning these subjects.
  • I don’t know, we share and talk about everything.
  • I felt I could explain everything to her.
  • I have none after 43 years of marriage.
  • I think my wife has a good understanding of me, probably better than I have of her. We frequently talk about the many aspects of our relationship, and each desire to have our relationship grow. My wife and I have talked about all of the elements of this survey.
  • I think we understand each other pretty well.
  • My wife knows everything about my life and past.
  • My wife knows me well
  • None comes to mind, we have a very open relationship at this point.
  • Not applicable (implication – nothing couldn’t tell her)
  • Not much, we’re pretty open
  • Not much. I learned that a very long time ago.
  • Nothing — my wife any I are very open with and understanding of each other.
  • Nothing at the moment, we have very open communications, and getting a job would help solidify our current situation.
  • Nothing because we can and do talk about such matters as love, sex, and our feelings. That’s probably why we are still married after 27 years.
  • Nothing because we talk and tell each other most everything
  • Nothing I need to explain, she knows everything about me
  • Nothing I tell her everything
  • Nothing in specific. We both care for each other. She is OK and I love her very much. I know she loves me too.
  • Nothing we are open to each other
  • Nothing we talk about everything.
  • Nothing, our relationship is based on being completely open, honest and willing to talk about anything. We are very comfortable with our thoughts and feelings, and know this is the only way a relationship can truely work!
  • Nothing, we are completely honest with each other
  • Nothing, we don’t have no secrets.
  • Nothing. I can tell my wife everything.
  • Nothing. No secrets here!
  • Nothing. We communicate well.
  • Nothing…we have a great open relationship
  • On these topics I don’t think there’s anything she doesn’t know.
  • She knows everything about me
  • There isn’t anything that I can think of ,because we have developed a very un-conditional approach to discussing issues.We arrived at this point with effort and age, not by accident.
  • There was not a question on the list I wouldn’t feel free to discuss with my wife.
  • There’s nothing at all, we have a very open and honest relationship.
  • We are completly open and honest with each other. We value each others opinion and respect each other as well.
  • We are open with one an other is there isn’t anything
  • We are very open and do not have this problem.
  • We discuss everything …. one reason we love and respect each other.
  • We have always communicated well and I know that what I stated that my wife knows this.
  • We have been married for 41 years and I truly don’t know of anything that we couldn’t talk to each other about.
  • We have great communication.
  • We hide nothing from each other.
  • We talk about everything
  • We talk and share our feelings openly

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Miscellaneous (including a few bitter ones)

Differences between men and women

  • Men are NOT women – we don’t think like them!
  • That men and women think and process things sexually etc…extremely different than each other.
  • We are created quite distinct from each other – with regard to sex, self-esteem, and emotions.
  • Women in general are insecure in knowing that their husbands love them unconditionally. It’s like they have a short memory, yet men are usually [handwritten words unclear] as encouragers and loving on their wives. I really love my wife, she is awesome! I’m thankful God has given me someone so faithful and so full of life. I do wish she would consider finding some work arrangement that would pay better, to help our family, and help put our children through college.
  • That the way men think is different than women.

Her Looks/Attraction

  • How much I am attracted to her. She really turns me on!
  • She looks good
  • That she always looks great.

How Her Mood Impacts Me

  • Her moods and level of energy greatly affect me.
  • That I can’t tell her how unhappy I am because I must watch out for her feelings

Communication Related Problems

  • I can’t read her mind.
  • I can’t share ‘sensitive things’ with her because she blabs to all her friends. She doesn’t know that some things should be kept secret.
  • That when we have an argument she can never accept the possibility that she could be wrong.
  • To be able to accept a different point of view.

Others

  • Being 40 and dealing with being on track in the career I am in. Find newness where I am or get going in a similar area. Mabye take skills and help others just starting out.
  • Farting – I think everytime I cut lose she gets mad at her dad and he’s been gone for years… And each time I tell her it’s the dog, she still gets upset… How can a man make a woman understand it just a force of nature… kinda like shopping…some women just can’t help it and I think this falls into the same catagory… Sometimes ya gotta do whatcha gotta do 🙂
  • I would want her to touch me more and be more intimate in everyday life.
  • How difficult it is to be sexually honest.
  • How to be happy she is a grouch
  • I can’t tell her that she really has a learning disability and needs to confront it.
  • I get massages by a girl and she would flip out if she knew. It’s not sexual just a massage. She don’t trust me and I have never given her a reason not to.
  • I have the benefit of a very intuitive wife from whom I don’t get the chance to keep anything!!
  • I think I should tell my significant other everything, in oder to have a good home in time to come.
  • I wish my wife would be more accepting of other peoples short comings and have a more positive attitude about others rather than expecting everyone’s worst to show through.
  • I wish she would like to do things I like. Camping, hiking, Mission trips to other countries.
  • My frequent depressive state
  • My wife has a greater sex drive than I do; so, I wish that when I feel I cannot perform, that she would not be so offended. I don’t love her any less.
  • Needs to learn to kiss better
  • Not currently in a relationship or married. But with the one I was with for a long while I would say to her that I’m still learning how to be the man of God that He wants me to be.
  • Recognizing our function not position in Christ
  • Regarding an ex-wife: that sex doesn’t make a marriage – that the key things are trust and a spiritual connection. Regarding a ‘friend I want to be more’.. that my desire for her really is a desire for HER, and that she let go of her fears of past relationship failures, realize she’s made new in Christ and so am I, and that her doing that helps me come to terms with my own failure in that area. (She has helped there, immensely.. that’s why I want it to be more).
  • Saying “I love YOU” every 10 seconds makes the phrase lose its meaning pretty quickly
  • Sometimes i hate to see her enjoying beside some other guy, although i knew that this feeling is quiet selfish it’s hard to handle it many times and i can’t explain it to her.
  • That I am not completely honest with her about my sexual sin
  • That I don’t really have interest in discussing relationships, medical problems of acquaintances, or people problems in general. I like discussing ideas, problems, or neat technical items.
  • That my ‘dream’ for our life together sees her as active and engaging in life, not a helpless victim of her life. That I want her to [(handwritten lines a bit unclear) be as ‘iron sharpening iron’ with me] but to do it out of love for who we are and not out of anger for something I’ve done. That I desire to win her every day and I want her to desire to be won and keep herself desireable.
  • That she has declined in mental and organization skills on the home front. Needs to be more cognizant of the situations that surround her.
  • That she needs to do whatever it takes to be successful, regardless of personal sacrifice
  • That she puts me in the middle of confrontational situations that are difficult for me to takes sides or resolve without hurting the people involved.
  • That the fact that we love eachother is more important than sex
  • That working hard and long hours are the way to get ahead in the world and that maybe she might think about it sometime herself.
  • The desire I have to share all that God shows and speaks — feeling like she doesn’t understand it or want to, like I know she knows my relationship with God but is overwhelmed — the desire I have to reach my calling!
  • The leader of a relationship is the one who has the greatest responsibility for the preservation of the relationship. Example: Suppose an intruder comes into the home. The person who confronts the intruder is the leader of the family because his or her responsibility can incur the greatest and quickest loss to the relationship. Namely, the death of one of the partners. All responsibilities in relationships are important, but none more so than the responsibility for paying the ultimate price for the one you love.
  • To be a better parent
  • True love is unconditional
  • Understanding my struggles with motivation and time for personal fitness.
  • We (husbands) cannot be all the people our wives need in their lives to make them affirmed. Feminine and whole. We husbands can’t fix all your problems and be the knight in shining armor in a childhood fantasy. We need to be what God made us to be.
  • We are together against the world.
  • We’ve had a hell of a marriage and have had to thrash through the issues. Which is at least part of the reason why we’re still together.

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