Husbands, do you want to know what goes on inside your wife’s head? And do you wish there was something that you could say to make her feel deeply loved? While I cannot tell you everything she thinks, I can assure you that, if she’s like most of the women in my surveys, these are the areas where you can most encourage her:
1. “Am I beautiful?” You may think your wife is beautiful, adorable, sexy, and you love to look at her. And yet… she probably sees all her flaws instead. She has deep doubts about whether she is beautiful at all. Little girls will spin in a pretty dress, asking “Daddy, am I pretty?” And guys, your confident, grown-up wife is still that little girl inside.
2. “Am I beautiful… to him?” Today, your confident, grown-up wife is still looking to the most important man in her life for a signal of whether she’s beautiful. Only now that man is you. Our For Men Only research discovered that most women have a deep need to know that their man finds them beautiful. In fact, 77% of women age 45 and younger feel this way. It says something to her about whether she is special, lovely and loved. Your words of affirmation, of how adorable you find her, fill a very important need.
3. “After 20 years of marriage and two kids, do I still rock your world?” When she comes downstairs in an outfit and asks “How do I look?” she’s not usually asking a technical question. So the answer she’s looking for is not, “Fine.” She’s asking: In a world filled with Cosmo models and sultry women just a click away, do you still find me attractive? She’s asking, When I can no longer fit into my honeymoon bikini, can I still turn your head? So, the next time you see her coming down the stairs all decked out, don’t wait for her to ask. Do a double take, give her a big smile, and say “Honey, you look stunning.” That will make the little girl inside very, very happy.
Helping people thrive in life and relationships is Shaunti Feldhahn’s driving passion, supported by her research projects and writing. After starting out with a Harvard graduate degree and experience on Wall Street, her life took an unexpected shift into relationship research. She now is a popular speaker around the world and the author of best-selling books about men, women, and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.